[musinglizzy]

I cannot post on that thread, I guess the OP has me blocked

But just wanted to say, after really giving that post some thought, I kind of agree there. I must have chose the wrong therapist from the very start, because I was under the impression that therapy was supposed to be about the client and their issues and needs, but over the last four years, I've learned it appears like the complete opposite! But then I've caught myself playing into that by not wanting to "hurt the therapist's feelings" by saying what's really on my mind. That is one area where I still need to grow, and a lot! But I'm thankful I recognize that. I know, over the past four years, I've received more support here than I ever have from someone being paid to "be there," I'm so thankful for this forum.

But in my experience, therapy revolved more around the needs/comfort of the therapist than me. I was deceived from the start...I was just shy of 40 when I started therapy, and I had stuffed everything down all my life, so talking openly about trauma/feelings did NOT come easily for me. It probably took me a good 6 months to open up just enough to get the work started. This psychologist of 20-some years started providing special treatment to help me learn to trust and open up....then when she thought she accomplished what she wanted, she abruptly took all of that special treatment away without discussion. My feelings around all of this had me feeling very ashamed (still am), and I was severely retraumatized by her actions. I hate to use that word, but it woke up all those old hurts from the past that I had just stuffed down deep. Someone I had just learned to trust was treating me very much the same way as those people in the past. I have spent the last three years trying to rebuild trust and connection....but it just hasn't happened. I honestly do not believe the initial hurts caused by the therapist were intentional in any way. She meant well, it just went horribly wrong. She is now retiring from clinical work the end of the year...so I'm heavily weighing the pros and cons of finding another T, or just giving up all together. She was not my only T these last four years....one of the others hurt me pretty badly too. Anyway....good post! I just wanted to be able to respond.

[koru_kiwi]

i'm glad you started your own thread to discuss this. my experience with therapy was quite similar to yours. i don't think my ex-T intentionally set out to harm me, which, similar to you at times felt more like a re-traumatizing of old wounds instead of helping them heal, but i do believe it was because of his own incompetency and especially what you said here:

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

But in my experience, therapy revolved more around the needs/comfort of the therapist than me.

a lot of therapy, especially the non-stop and overbearing focus on the therapeutic relationship, felt like it was more about his needs than mine. it took me a while to fully recognise and acknowledge that.

i'm sorry that you have experienced similar. i find that a lot of people, clients and therapists, don't fully understand this or sympathise unless they have experienced similar themselves.

[stopdog]

The overwhelming focus on therapy/therapist feeds their need for attention, adoration, and power.

[Ididitmyway]

I sent you a PM, but I can also say in public that I regret having you blocked for such a long time, because, as silly as it sounds, right now I don't even remember what it was about when I did it. You are welcome to post on my thread if you still want to. I just thought I needed to respond.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The overwhelming focus on therapy/therapist feeds their need for attention, adoration, and power.

My T isn't like that. She won't let the focus be on her.

[musinglizzy]

I thought it may have been a mistake....I don't think I've ever had a beef with anyone on here, and I'm pretty non confrontational! It's all good!

Rainbow, you have a very good T....I've always thought that! And I totally agree with you Stopdog! My last T (whom I adored) kicked me out for not agreeing with her about my course of treatment..... I've sure learned that some therapists have pretty large egos, and don't take it well when you don't agree with them.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T isn't like that. She won't let the focus be on her.

Mine neither. But then my therapy's never been much about the relationship, except how I can sometimes get a glimmer of how I do things in therapy as similar to things IRL relationships. For me therapy is useful that way, the neutral-ish environment allows me to see things I can't in my intensely emotional relationships; like a spotlight at times.

I'm pretty sure my T gets his needs for attention and love outside the therapy room. Power and control are only necessary for the person who feels weak and out of control, and if I ever sniffed this out in my therapist, I'd walk away. I've had enough people trying to control me and exercise power over, the last thing I'd ever do is pay someone for it.

[elisewin]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T isn't like that. She won't let the focus be on her.

Same here. My therapy and also my relationship with my T is hugely beneficial. I have at times tried to put too much attention to T and she has never encouraged it or made it be about her or her wishes and needs. She has gently pushed the attention back to where it belongs, the issues I came for.

So not harmed but majorly helped.