[MissCharlotte]

Yesterday's session sucked.

When I got there T asked me what my body langauge said. I had my legs and arms crossed. I told him I was holding myself together.

I told him it had been a difficult time since the last session and that I was afraid things would begin to leak all over because I had not had time to reflect on the last (very hard) session or the events since then.

He directed the conversation toward the practical and proceeded to ask me a gazillion questions about a family situation, telling me he was anxious about it. I told him he drank too much coffee and needed to chill out. When there was finally a moment for me, I began to tell him something and he stopped me and said that we only had five minutes left and he didn't want me to open something up that I couldn't finish.

On the way home I called and left a "blah blah blah, so there!" message. I had hoped he would call back but of course he didn't because I didn't ask him to.

I get the message. I have to stop letting my child out and tell her to grow up and get over it.

It's the mother self who needs to function right now. The mother that I am needs to take care of her family. It's all that matters. I need to be able to advocate for my son.

All I wanted to do last night was cut. I am practically crying in my classroom.

I felt smothered and without voice like I always did as a child. But it's too late.

[Perna]

{{{sister}}}

"I felt smothered and without voice like I always did as a child". He needs to know that, loud and clear.

((((((((sister)))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

Thanks ((Perna & Esther))

I have an update.

By this afternoon my mood had become so low and I was feeling really out of control while driving and beginning to feel frightened. Slowly, I began to realize that there was more going on emotionally than just being upset with T. Some %#@&#! was definitely stirred up yesterday.

I got home and called T and left a message for him to call me. He did, of course because I asked him to.

When we spoke I was instantly soothed. I told him that I felt I didn't get what I needed yesterday and that I thought I told him what I needed and he explained that he thought that's what we were doing. We talked through the the miscommunication. I told him I was so upset because he seemed far away yesterday and different.

He said that my calls to him were important because they let him know when our work needs to be redirected or adjusted. He offered me some insight into trauma work. He said I need to continue to mother myself as well as my children. I told him about the cutting last night (they were tiny cuts) and he was concerned and asked several questions about it. He said we need to continue to try to get through some of the difficult work we've been doing even amidst my confusion.

He had to go but told me to call again if I need him and I see him tomorrow.

Still weepy but somewhat better.

My work is so hard right now.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( sister )))))))))))))))

[Perna]

Glad you were able to touch base with your T and see him tomorrow.

(((((((((((((sister))))))))))))

I'm so proud of you!!! Look how much you are taking care of yourself! That is so great. I know its hard, but you are getting to a great point of maturity that im very envious of. Much support.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
I get the message. I have to stop letting my child out and tell her to grow up and get over it.

It's the mother self who needs to function right now. The mother that I am needs to take care of her family. It's all that matters. I need to be able to advocate for my son.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't think his message was to stop letting the child out. Can you see a time when both your mother and child selfs could function together? Need it be only one or the other at a time? They are both parts of your self. You have many parts. It is challenging but exciting to learn to embrace them all (not that I've been very successful at this, lol).

I am glad you reconnected with your T over the phone. Your phone calls sound like such an important part of your therapy. It is great how you two use this tool. Good luck in tomorrow's session.

[ECHOES]

((( sister )))

Those sessions when all parts that need attention don't get a chance to be heard are hard and painful. Time constraints stink sometimes. To heck with boundaries!

[lauren_helene]

Hey Sister I know all about those last few minutes or even at the end to hear 'I have to stop' from T...

I'm glad that he called you back and that is helpful for your progress.

[Mouse_]

Sister, Painful stuff!

Great work, Sister. Ah the old, "I didn't tell you to call me back, but why aren't you calling me back, you %#@&#!?"

Yes, I've been through it many times before.

And I learned from it, just as you did, how important it is to state my needs. And that he has no problem fulfilling them.

I hope you are okay today.