[RaineD]

For those who are securely attached to their therapists, what does it feel like? How do you know you're securely attached, and how long did it take you to get there?

Safe. . . .

[doogie]

Well, it's hard to describe. I guess I would say a 'comfortableness' in the relationship. And by that I mean that I don't worry that I have to be a certain way or do certain things to keep her care. Maybe the biggest thing is that my attention has turned from focusing so much on my relationship with my T to focusing on my what I'm really in therapy for in the first place. That I don't care about the relationship any less, but there is more of a 'take if for granted' kind of feeling - she WILL care, she WILL be there, she WON'T hurt me, she DOES have my best interests at heart, etc.

As far as timing - I don't know if it's a timing thing with me or a T thing for me. I've been in therapy for 7 years with 3 different Ts. This is the first T I've felt securely attached to and I have been seeing her for 3 years.

[SalingerEsme]

It will take me year slol to get in a place to answer this question, if ever. it goes in the wish category

[lunatic soul]

I attached and then got obsessed. Attachment doesnt disturb me, its okay that you have a great person to talk to and like him/her as a person but when you got obsessed it's really hard because it's addiction which takes over.
I think that attachment and obsession/addiction are different things because I am attached to some people and its nice to talk to them I feel joy to meet them but when Im addicted it's like drugs when you are never enough and it takes over your mind.
Thats my opinion about attachment.
I didnt attach all Ts I had but also when I wasnt attached I felt okay to talk to them.

[fille_folle]

It felt comfortable, like doogie said. I didn't worry about her letting me down - not because I thought she was superhuman or infallible, but because I felt like it would be ok even if we had a miscommunication or she did something that bothered me. I had confidence in the strength of our relationship. I felt secure in her caring and her intentions towards me, and didn't need to depend on analyzing her every action to validate our relationship. I regarded her as just another human being, and didn't expect perfection.

I really agree with LS's comment on addiction vs attachment. I think secure attachment generally feels relaxed, does not even register as attachment much, just that one likes the other person and there is a valuable, steady, reliable connection.

[LonesomeTonight]

Not I, said the LT...

A secure attachment style for me means no longer having continuous feelings of desperation when an issue good or bad has to be dealt with. I can always find ways to quickly settle myself if she is not around.

Therapy I do now is only about the issues, no attachment theory is involved. I don't feel a need or want to be attached to her.

[annielovesbacon]

I used to have an insecure attachment/unhealthy obsession with my T, but over time I have adjusted and I think it would be accurate to say I have a secure attachment.
For me that means, obviously I have an attachment so I care about her and enjoy being around her. But I don't spend time wondering about what it would be like if we were friends, I don't look her up online, I don't spend hours thinking about her obsessively. I feel safe when I am with her, and I can trust her. I sometimes think forward to the next appointment and can't wait for it, but that's because I need to talk more things through and I need therapy, not because I desperately miss T.

(Do note though, that I am on a loooong break from my therapist and I really really miss her and miss therapy, so if you see any of my posts in the Dear T thread you may be able to tell my attachment is not so secure at the moment, lol.)

[MRT6211]

I think I might have a secure attachment to current T now. At first I felt incredibly dependent on her and like the time between sessions was unbearable. But now, I feel like I know she’s going to be there for me if and when I need her, even between sessions, and I know that she cares about me and is willing to do what she needs to in order to help me. I feel safe with her. I don’t worry about being emotionally vulnerable with her as much as I used to. Overall, honestly, the best thing I can say to describe it is that I 100% wholeheartedly trust her. I think that trust is key.

As for how long, I’ve only been seeing her for about 7 months. But, I’ve been in therapy for about 3 years total now. I’ve had some very good Ts and some very bad Ts in that time, but this is the first one that I think I might have a true secure attachment to.

[stopdog]

I did not hire one of those guys for any sort of attachment purposes.

[Soccer mom]

Comfortable, steady, safe, warm, home, calm,

I went from a very insecure relationship with an ex-T to my current T almost 3 years ago. It's absolutely wonderful and not anxiety provoking. We've talked about she's like home to me. I no longer worry what she thinks of me or how I might affect her or vice versa. I know she's there for me and don't question any motives. As someone else said, if she upsets me I know we will work it out. It just feels so normal, good and healing.