[Mouse_]

Toward the end of T today, after I had felt myself "risking" that little bit more, I felt the need to draw back. I found myself saying random things as they came into my mind and once I realised this I said to T, "sorry I'm just trying to waste time here" T replied "why do you have to waste time, why can't you just have it?" I;m still thinking about that statement. It caught me right between the eyes. I haven't come up with what I feel is the right response for me yet. How funny a simple question can stop you dead in your tracks. What does that question mean to you here?

[MissCharlotte]

Well, I think that question might have different meanings depending on when it was posed. But, in general I think that it might mean using the time for yourself instead of thinking you had to throw it away? (wasting it?)

Once T said to me, "Why do you come in here and perform? Why bother? I said I was tired. He said, "If I were tired and I went to therapy I'd just lay on the couch."

I think the point was the same because at that moment I was just blathering nonsense and not getting to the crux of anything.

The time in therapy is so short and the pressure on that we put on ourselves to make every second count is so intense. So, what I try to do now when I hit those moments is to just tell T what I'm feeling - like you did. How could you have embraced that time instead of throwing it away? How could you have stayed in those moments with T? What would you have said/done to be close for those minutes?

Wow. That is a difficult question. If you are wasting something, then you already have it. So, I guess she is asking you why can't you just have (spend) the time and not waste it. I don't know. I think I would have reworded it.

[ECHOES]

The 'present'... a 'gift'. One we might feel we don't deserve.. .yet we do absolutely deserve.

Time is ours to take and do what we want with. Work is time; play is time; rest is time.

So we get to choose.

But we're taught it's better to give than to get. To do for others, to think of others first.

So I feel undeserving and so then I feel guilty and selfish about it 'taking' it for me.