[Elio]

I finally wrote a glimpse of my detached violent thoughts in my journal I wrote last week and gave it to T. She won't read it until Monday, per previous comments. I'm now thinking about emailing her and asking her not to read it. I have been struggling a lot lately with detachment/ depersonalization/derealization like symptoms. When I am this detached, I often have these types of thoughts.

I have told her in the past that I have these thoughts and dreams, so she is aware they are in me. I usually just leave it at a statement saying that I had violent thoughts/fantasy. This time, I wrote a sentence of my thoughts. Still no details because this one wasn't an ideation, more a statement that indicates level of detachment.

Has anyone shared this type of information? Did it change your relationship with your T, if so, how?

[Amyjay]

I haven't shared them but I think they are just thoughts, normal human thoughts, and they shouldn't change anything in your relationship with your T. Thoughts about violence are no less acceptable than any other thoughts really. Thoughts and fantasies are just... part of the human experience.

[stopdog]

I think people have violent thoughts all the time that they do not act on. Look at all the violent cartoons, movies, songs and books.

[SalingerEsme]

Elio,so glad to see you back/posting. I don't really know the answer to your post; Iam often mystified by therapy. Are these thoughts ones you want to unpack with her?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Elio,so glad to see you back/posting. I don't really know the answer to your post; Iam often mystified by therapy. Are these thoughts ones you want to unpack with her?

Thank you.

I think I told her about it to show how detached I had gotten. I'm feeling a bit more attached/connected today.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I haven't shared them but I think they are just thoughts, normal human thoughts, and they shouldn't change anything in your relationship with your T. Thoughts about violence are no less acceptable than any other thoughts really. Thoughts and fantasies are just... part of the human experience.

Thank you for this.. it reminded me of what T said when I first disclosed that I have violent thoughts and dreams.

feelings are feelings, thoughts are thoughts, and we are humans that think thoughts and have feelings

[NativeSky]

Yes, i have disclosed my violent fantasies in T and group T. They're mostly about my perp, but not always.

T wasn't phased and in group T it turns out all the members had these types of thoughts as well. It's very common.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I've talked to my T (and Pdoc) about my "bad" thoughts. I have these thoughts against people who in some way or form, hurt me and put my life in danger. Once the "danger" has passed, I usually don't have those thoughts against that person anymore. But like ex-T, I still have those thoughts against her. They're lessening, but still present. It just shows how bad she hurt me by abandoning me.

T didn't act any differently when I told her about my thoughts. She did inform me that she's a mandated reporter, but that's only if I state I'm going to act on these thoughts. I reassured her I wasn't and as proof, ex-T is still alive and well. She laughed at that. (But everyone who knows me knows ex-T will be the first person I go after if I ever do snap).

My T normalized my thoughts stating that everyone has their own "bad" thoughts, and they don't make me a bad person. I even admitted to her that after watching my niece for 12 hours straight, I understand how moms can snap. She reassured me that it's normal, and it's okay so long as I can stay in control. And when I feel like I'm losing control, that's when I reach out for help.

I've told T in my journals. According to my research, it's normal.

Maybe even a good thing than self blame?

Many times. How can it change the relationship.
The only way I can see that happening is if a T hasn't done all their own internal work.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Just talked about this last week. About the content of violent dreams, thoughts, when I think them, how I feel about them, all that. T said he sometimes has these type of thoughts too, that it's to some degree normal. And that it probably stems from my past experiences with violence.

If it changed the relationship at all, it probably made me feel closer and more understood by him.