[Istruggle]

I’ve been to a few different therapists and it seems like I just sit there and ramble on for a hour. Or they tell me things I already know I should be doing. Some have just turned into a paid friend. I never feel like I get anything out of my sessions. If you go to a new therapist shouldn’t they be asking things about your history to try and get to the root of your problems instead of saying what brings you in and then letting you ramble about how you’re depressed or whatever? Shouldn’t they give you something to work on between sessions? When I leave sessions I’m driving down the road trying to figure what if anything was said that will actually help me. I’m at the point that I really need to talk to someone but I don’t want to waste any more money or time on something that does me no good.

There aren't any immediate results. Accept for me just knowing I could talk to someone was an immediate benefit. Then the pink cloud effect kicked in and I actually felt better and thought about leaving. Then the cloud hit and I felt they're weren't enough yrs left in my life to gain anything crib therein.
Then there reality. Therapy doesn't make you happy, didn't give you all the answers. But it does effect you internally.
That can't really be explained. But it's an amazing experience. It gives you choices.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

There's a couple of parts to this.
First, asking about history, finding the real cause of issues. This is hard for a couple of reasons. One, if you are not doing too well currently, it might hurt more than help. My T always says you shouldn't dig too much in the past if the client is not stable. That might be why you end up talking a lot about current things.
Your history cannot give you a solution to any of your issues. It's not like if you know X caused Y, you know how to fix Y. Even worse, X might have happened, but for lots of mental problems there is no 1 to 1 link between past experiences and the problem. For example lots of people with personality disorders might have experienced trauma. But there's people with personality disorders who had a perfect life, and people who experienced trauma who don't have such a disorder. So it only helps to some degree to know about your past.
But regardless of what caused the issue, the fix is mostly the same. Talking about the past can bring some understanding to certain problems, but it won't fix them. It's nice to have, but it should not be the focus of your sessions, unless that's the only thing you want to use therapy for.

Second, something to work on during the time between sessions: do you mean homework? Some styles of therapy give homework often, for example cbt. Homework is often used to develop certain skills. Or it might be something like writing a journal because you experience too much between sessions to talk about everything. But, in my experience, most of the work between sessions is thinking about the last session, trying to integrate what I have learned so far. Trying to recognize things I do in therapy in the outside world, trying to remember how to calm myself during a panic attack, stuff like that. It is work, but my T doesn't tell me to do any of this. He says some people just come every week and don't spend a second thinking about it outside of sessions. Of course your results will be different then.

If you choose to search for another therapist, I suggest you tell them what you are struggling with in the first session, and then ask how they would go about working on that? If it would help you to have homework, maybe specifically mention that. If you worry that some point in their strategy might not suit you well, tell them. And if you don't like the way they'd do it, go to the next one, until you find one you like.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Istruggle

If you go to a new therapist shouldn’t they be asking things about your history to try and get to the root of your problems instead of saying what brings you in and then letting you ramble about how you’re depressed or whatever? Shouldn’t they give you something to work on between sessions? When I leave sessions I’m driving down the road trying to figure what if anything was said that will actually help me. I’m at the point that I really need to talk to someone but I don’t want to waste any more money or time on something that does me no good.

Are these things that you actually want? For the T to be asking questions about your history, etc? If so, why not tell the T this is what you want rather than waiting for it to just happen?

But the answer to the questions about all the shoulds is it depends on the T and the client. I'm a person who likes to take charge and control of my sessions, to set the agenda. My T follows me and in my experience, therapy isn't about what T tells me that helps. What helps me is listening to myself and adjusting the things in my life, and reporting back about how that goes, and then listening to myself . . .

[maybeblue]

There are different types of therapy and therapists. If you want a more active therapist find one who specializes in CBT. If you want to explore your past, find one that specializes in psychodynamic therapy. Unfortunately not all therapists are particularly upfront about what kind of therapy they do. What you could do is interview a couple of them and explain the problems you have had in therapy before and ask if they are able to do something different.

[cool09]

I have things I've been struggling with for 40 years and my therapist hasn't asked me about them. When I try to tell her she doesn't want to listen. Instead she tells me I'm making excuses for not getting better. I think this therapist is history.

[Istruggle]

Maybe I’m expecting too much.

[BudFox]

I've talked to 20 or so therapists, tried several for a month or more. Most if it was aimless nothingness. Some of it was destructive.

For me the big fallacy was thinking therapists had some magical ability to get to the root of my problems. Once I stopped believing that, it ceased to make any sense.

[feileacan]

But what do you want from therapy? And how quickly do you imagine should you be able to solve your problems? Problems can be very different - simple ones perhaps can be really solved with few sessions with a random therapist but the difficult ones might need wrestling for years with a good one.

Those therapists you have seen, have you felt listened to by them? Have you felt that they understood or wanted to understand where you are coming from. If not then these were no good match for you anyway. Also, if you want directive therapy and homework then you should look specifically for CBT as someone said but at the same time its directiveness can't guarantee you anything because CBT generally deals with surface level stuff. If you want to learn some skills and learn to observe your thoughts that's might be enough though.

I guess the question can be also what someone imagines the "root of the problems" to look like. Maybe people imagine that this is a place where you suddenly understand something and then you also understand how to make changes. What people probably never imagine or expect is that getting to the root of the problems is extremely unpleasant. There is a reason no one can get there alone because it is just so unpleasant that no one is able to force themselves to go there via pure will.

[annielovesbacon]

It's different for everyone, of course. So my answer is what *I* expect from therapy.

I expect a therapist who will push me, without being mean or harsh. I have a tendency to evade questions, deflect feelings, change the subject, etc. I need a therapist who will not let that slide.
I expect therapy to challenge me. I personally believe that growth comes from difficult situations. I don't expect therapy to be easy -- otherwise I would not learn and grow. Sometimes the "challenge" is out-of-session homework. Sometimes it is talking about very scary things. Sometimes it's just showing up. But, as much as I may want it to be sometimes, I will not benefit from an easy-breezy therapy session.
I expect therapy to give me the tools to solve my own problems. I do not expect a therapist to be able to magically solve my problems herself, and I do not expect her to tell me what to do. I expect to be listened to, respected, and to learn how to help myself.