TWMy T thinks I was sexually abused

Tbhimscared · Jun 07, 2018, 06:49 AM

My T has been bringing up the topic of sexual abuse in our sessions a lot lately, about how people can blame themselves, feel ashamed, talking about it with someone you trust, etc and I’m starting to think that she thinks I was sexually abused or assaulted. My childhood wasn’t great but I was not sexually abused or assaulted and I haven’t been at any point in my life so I don’t know what to do in this situation. She hasn’t directly asked me if I was ever assaulted but it keeps coming up especially when she’s giving me homework or explaining a scenario to get a point across

LonesomeTonight · Jun 07, 2018, 06:57 AM

Have you come right out and told her that you weren't abused or assaulted? If not, that's what I would suggest. Something like, "You seem to keep implying that I was sexually abused or assaulted, but I wasn't."

junkDNA · Jun 07, 2018, 07:00 AM

this can be dangerous because there is such a thing as manufactured memories via therapists suggesting such things

I would be honest and directly tell her she's off the mark.

DP_2017 · Jun 07, 2018, 07:07 AM

Due to one of my crazy phobias and WHY it bothers me, my T often hints at this too, thinking "There's more to it" than what I say and maybe there is, I honestly have blocked out most of my childhood. I have very limited memory of stuff... including HOW this phobia began.

That being said, I've stated that to my knowledge, nothing sexual has happened to me. He is good with that, he doesn't really push it anymore. So it is worth at least saying nothing you can recall was ever that way....

CantExplain · Jun 07, 2018, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Due to one of my crazy phobias and WHY it bothers me, my T often hints at this too, thinking "There's more to it" than what I say and maybe there is, I honestly have blocked out most of my childhood. I have very limited memory of stuff... including HOW this phobia began.

That being said, I've stated that to my knowledge, nothing sexual has happened to me. He is good with that, he doesn't really push it anymore. So it is worth at least saying nothing you can recall was ever that way....

Abuse doesn't have to be sexual. And neglect can be as bad as abuse.

DP_2017 · Jun 07, 2018, 07:29 AM

Oh I have been neglected and he knows that, I don't like talking about this particular phobia out of embarrassment and shame but the reasons for it, are deeply related to being touched. So neither of us are able to really make sense of why it began and such so that's why he has said that. However he also says why isn't important really, as long as I know WHY it bothers me now so we can work on that

*In response to Cant Explain*

Jun 07, 2018, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tbhimscared

My T has been bringing up the topic of sexual abuse in our sessions a lot lately, about how people can blame themselves, feel ashamed, talking about it with someone you trust, etc and I’m starting to think that she thinks I was sexually abused or assaulted. My childhood wasn’t great but I was not sexually abused or assaulted and I haven’t been at any point in my life so I don’t know what to do in this situation. She hasn’t directly asked me if I was ever assaulted but it keeps coming up especially when she’s giving me homework or explaining a scenario to get a point across

Why can't you just say "fortunately that's not something that's in my history"?

Tbhimscared · Jun 07, 2018, 07:33 AM

I think maybe my T thinks this because I haven’t mentioned any relationships other than my friends, I don’t really date so maybe she’s wondering why I don’t have anyone like that in my life and, with my other issues, that’s what leads her to think

Erebos · Jun 07, 2018, 08:06 AM

Thing is speculation in a T is really unhelpful, and can provoke false memories in people.

She should be working with the facts as she knows them.
I would bring this up and get it nipped in the bud.
I think T's forget than inexperience or admitting your own lack of experience can often present with the same unwillingness to approach a topic as if you had negative memories .
Hopefully you are able to clear this up and move things along successfully.

missbella · Jun 07, 2018, 10:59 AM

Therapists took quite a hit in the 1990s for the widespread practice of planting false memories in clients. It became quite the topic, and even subject of books like Ofshe’s Making Monsters. The practice was so damaging to clients, the falsely accused and therapists, I’d think practitioners would have received the memo. I hope you are very firm and very careful.

stopdog · Jun 07, 2018, 11:52 AM

When I was in private practice, I worked on some cases against therapists for the false memory thing. We won.

Ididitmyway · Jun 07, 2018, 12:03 PM

Therapists should work with what clients bring up in session, not chase their own ideas of what might be, could be or should be. If she has a suspicion that you were sexually abused, she should've just asked you about it directly instead of hinting at, and if you'd given her a no answer, she should've let go of this topic entirely.

I'd ask her 1) if she believes that I was sexually abused, 2) why she keeps hinting at it instead of talking about it directly and if she admits that she suspects sexual abuse took place I would just inform her that no, it didn't and would politely ask her to let go of the subject. If she refuses to let go, I'd fire her immediately. It's unacceptable when a therapist is pursuing their own agenda instead of responding to a client's needs.

maybeblue · Jun 07, 2018, 12:34 PM

My first therapist not only implied that I was sexually abused, but came right out and said it. There were some small things that happened, but she magnified them. It was very damaging to my relationship to my mother who "didn't protect me" according to my therapist.

I would flat out ask her if she is implying it, and be very direct with her about what did and didn't happen.

clueda · Jun 07, 2018, 12:48 PM

My T has implied / asked me if "something else" might have happened to me.

I pretty much flat out told her that I don't remember any (sexual) abuse ever happening to me (and don't believe it did) and she accepted that and immediately backed off. I do get why she might be thinking that as I have wondered about it myself, so I'm glad she asked me quite gently.

Anne2.0 · Jun 07, 2018, 02:03 PM

I don't necessarily see (which may be my failure to get it) but she may be using the example of sexual assault/abuse for reasons other than she's hinting at it for you. She may use it as an example because it seems like a clear one that makes the point easier, while other types of abuse may not work as well. And sometimes the line between physical or emotional and sexual abuse is not very obvious, such as cases where the sexual abuse was a sexualized atmosphere, i.e. parent commenting on the child's body (a certain world leader comes to mind).

Discussing it with her makes sense, bringing it up in the realm of "I'm curious about something, you've used the example of sexual assault several times and I don't quite understand what the point was." OR however you'd like to say it. IME the best way to understand what someone else meant or what their purpose was in saying it is to ask them directly.

I'm pretty cautious around the false memory stuff, as I was around working with victims when it started. There's very little good science to support it although I believe it can happen with or without a therapist. I also believe people can be abused and there is pretty good science about the aftermath of that, memory related and not. But the foundation that was started began with perpetrators who wanted to further punish their victims through lawsuits and publicity. While I'm sure not everyone who is on the advocacy wagon for "false memories" is not a perpetrator, perpetrators find a shield and benefit from this work.

Jun 07, 2018, 02:14 PM

I had a therapist when I was a teenager that I believe planted false memories about my CSA. It can be very painful. Please proceed with caution.

mcl6136 · Jun 07, 2018, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisydid

I had a therapist when I was a teenager that I believe planted false memories about my CSA. It can be very painful. Please proceed with caution.

My old, ridiculous T did this hinting thing. It was wildly destabilizing as I wanted to do with problems in the HERE and NOW and he was heading back in time to the 1970s with his "theory." He told me "we have to clean the wound."

And I was like...what wound?

I have spent the better part of a lifetime dealing with my violent family history but it became very clear that he had an agenda and an idea that "there was more too it."

The relief that I feel about my current T (who isn't perfect) and her interest in dealing with YOUR LIFE AS IT STANDS NOW ....cannot be put into words.

As others have said proceed with caution. Your T should be dealing with the issues that you want to tackle at the pace you want to tackle them...That's just my opinion .

CantExplain · Jun 07, 2018, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erebos

Thing is speculation in a T is really unhelpful, and can provoke false memories in people.

On the other hand, what the patient doesn't want to talk about can often be a productive line of inquiry. Handled correctly, that is.

annielovesbacon · Jun 08, 2018, 10:18 PM

This is a similar situation but very different at the same time. I came out to my therapist inadvertently; I am open with my sexuality (I am a cis lesbian) and don't try to hide it. I, in passing, mentioned that I had gone on a date with a girl and she was like, "Wait, are you gay?" and I just said "yes lol" but she kept pushing. "Why haven't we talked about this before? Do we need to dig deeper into that?"
I told her no. I don't have any gay trauma (I know I am very lucky for that). There is nothing to dive into; nothing to analyze. I am gay and I am at peace with it. When I told her that, she understood and did not bring it up again.

I think if you are able to be straight with your therapist, that's the best decision. I agree with junkDNA's response.