How long until you knew your therapist was going to work out for you?

I just had my first session and it was...weird. I thought it would be intake mostly, which she started but she stopped and decided to have me put on some sort of headband device that plays rain sounds while you try to relax and focus on your breath.

So, she didn’t finish intake...I was thinking she doesn’t know who I am...is she staring at me??

I took the device off and said I feel weird. I stuck out the session because I want to get to the EMDR. I asked if that would be the next session? It depends on how intake goes.

I asked why she didn’t complete intake at this appointment? She said she wanted to give me some tools I could use. (She had gone over different types of deep breathing....I guess I understand, but I didn’t ask for that/wasn’t expecting that).

I don’t know...I left feeling like she doesn’t care who I am.

I guess I need to give it time.

How long until you knew?

[Argonautomobile]

I think it is hard to tell. My first few sessions were rubbish. But then, sometimes they're still rubbish.

Sometimes intake questions can be upsetting. Maybe she wanted to have her headband hoodoo at the ready in case you got upset?

[LonesomeTonight]

For me, with my current T, it probably took 5 weeks. First couple sessions, he seemed really arrogant, and I didn't feel overly connected to him. Then week 3, I was really open and felt more connected, but then got kinda freaked out after session. I e-mailed him, he sent a lengthy response, but it...still didn't feel right. I think between the sessions in weeks 4 and 5, we worked it out. I feel like now I have such a different impression of him compared to 6 months ago. Maybe he just puts up a front with new clients, I don't know. But I'm glad I stuck it out. Just saying it can take son time...

[toomanycats]

Many, I knew after the first session that they were NOT the right fit.

The ones I stuck with....

Well, with S, I knew immediately.

With J, I knew in about 3 sessions, though it wound up only being the right fit for 4 months.

With C? ...it's hard... I'm scared to commit. I knew in about a month, I think, and yet I still want to run every month or so.

[stopdog]

I kept hiring the ones I despised the least or at least thought I could mostly tolerate for 50 minutes a week

[zoiecat]

If you teally want to get to EMDR that mau be why she did the relaxation thing. Before you can ever start EMDR you need to learn grounding techniques and develop safe places.

My first few sessions left me feeling my T was a quack. I have since learned he is very skilled in trauma techniques and is exactly what I need. I am so thankful I found him. Give her a chance. It will take a few sessions for both of you to feel each other out.

[GeekyOne]

Typically I need 4-6 weekly sessions to decide if I want to commit to something longer. Sometimes it's easy and the first or second session is enough to know it won't be a fit. Usually though, we need to get past intake and into some typical but light issues to see how they respond to me.

Identifying a definite lack-of-fit is much easier than a definite fit. I don't think I've felt sure that anyone I worked with before my current T was definitely a good fit, and it took probably 12-18 months of weekly appointments to decide that with her, so... I'm slow to trust. YMMV.

[CharlieStarDust]

The minute I saw her online profile.

I'd have to go back and look at receipts but the session that I had yesterday with my new T is probably the one where I finally know. It varies, though. RoboT I clicked with in the intake and it took me 4 months to realize it wouldn't work with V.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I knew she was the T for me when I saw her profile. I instantly wanted to work with her. Things were not easy in the beginning. There were trust issues and misunderstandings. But after a couple months, we got into a groove and things have been good ever since.

[MessyD]

I didn’t have any experience before my current T (other than marriage counselor), so I didn’t really know what to expect, but I left feeling good and hopeful after our first session. He’s been a big support for me since then and I feel lucky, especially since I didn’t have to spend anytime looking for him because he was referred to me.

Before I met her? I know it sounds weird but my instincts knew that she was the one when I first say her photo, reading her profile was just confirmation that I should try her, and meeting her just solidified that she was the one. We clicked fairly quickly and I felt at ease with her from the first time we met.

[satsuma]

Took me about 6 months to trust T, but I could see from the very first session that he understood me and would be able to help.

I agree that the thing with the headset seems a bit wierd. I think it's strange to try an intervention of any kind in the very first session before you know one another at all. But that might be just me - as I said it took me about 6 months to start trusting my T!

In some CBT therapy in the NHS you get 6 - 8 sessions, so I guess it is interventions right from the get-go.

[LabRat27]

As others have said, it's a lot easier to be sure a T is not "the one." I'm still kind of feeling my T out after maybe 6-8 sessions, but I think he's going to be the one and I've made myself vulnerable/given him the power to hurt me, which I've never done with a therapist this way before.
I think things started to click around the 3rd or 4th session. Maybe he started to let some of his personality show, or maybe I was just able to start recognizing it, but either way it felt more personal and more human. I was able to start trusting him once I felt like I could "get" him to some degree.
I also had some idea what qualities I was looking for (and what qualities I was avoiding) because I've seen a lot of therapists in my life.

[RaineD]

I knew by the end of my first session with him.

[Lemoncake]

T1- last maybe 6 sessions at the most. I felt it was a waste of time.
T2- One intro session.
T3- Current. I felt better after talking to him after our first session. I've been seeing him for around 14 months now, but don't fully feel like I trust him.

I would recommend atleast 5 sessions but sometimes you just know though.

[Anne2.0]

I am like others in that I pretty instantly knew that someone was not right for me; interviewing T's it was relatively easy to eliminate those I couldn't stand or seemed dumb or somehow didn't seem to understand me.

I prefer female T's, but I have had 2 out of 3 male T's for longterm periods. For my current T, I wasn't looking for trauma work, more like my personal life was not what I wanted it to be, I wouldn't have chosen a male T if I thought I was going to dive in the trauma stuff. It turned out he was great at it.

For the life-sort issues, I thought he was promising right away because he was smart and articulate and also gentle and thoughtful. He still is. But it took me awhile, maybe 6 months, before I was secure that this was someone I could really work with. Before that it was more like "this is going okay and I'm too busy to look for someone else, it's better than quitting".

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I felt like he at least wasn't stupid and incompetent after the first session (which was not the case for any other T I went to a session with before). I decided to have my GP recommend him to my health insurance after that (that's how I have to do it in my country). So I was kind of stuck with him, even though I wasn't completely sure he was the best fit ever. But it was decent from the first session on.

After about 5 or 6 sessions, I decided he was a good enough fit that I will continue to see him and so on. After about 6 or 7 months, I started to kind of trust him. After about a year, I realized I am completely attached to him and would not want to switch him with any other T if I did not have to.

[lucozader]

I knew straight away that my current T was right for me.... Unfortunately for various reasons it wasn't until a year after I first saw him that I went back to him.

I guess I also knew that the others weren't quite right straight away. T1 subjected me to a barrage of questions, including really important stuff like how much caffeine I drink...

I think it's a bit weird that your new T insisted on making you wear a 'calming' headband. Surely that isn't providing you with tools, unless she gave it to you to take away with you? Was she trying to sell it or something?! She sounds a bit dodgy to me to be honest. I would listen to your gut. It's totally acceptable to 'shop around' until you find someone who you feel good about.

[DP_2017]

My story is weird.....

So I get panicky when driving new places... and I was supposed to see him on a Monday and couldn't find the place-- didn't even think to use my GPS as I was very new to smart phone life still---so I called and got directions. He forgot to tell me one of the turns, I ended up in a different city and late for the meeting, I called in a panic. Apologizing like crazy and just losing my mind cuz I had no idea where I was.

He handled it beautifully, was so calm, so kind, didn't mock me etc... didn't charge at all for missing it. Just offered me a time later in the week.

The way he handled it, I knew I had a gem.... and I never even met him at the time.

OP-- Your T sounds too weird for me, I would have been super uncomfortable in that session

[junkDNA]

I knew immediately and left my therapist I had back then to switch to my t. He was pretty hesitant to work with me due to the former t I had. But we started working together

[LonesomeTonight]

Actually, to echo what a few people said, I had a "feeling" when I looked at his Psychology Today profile and website. Ev en though he specializes in demographics/categories that didn't include me. Something about his picture and the way he wrote his description spoke to me. One of the groups he specializes in is "young adults." So when I e-mailed from the Psych Today page, I asked if he also worked with "less-young adults." His getting back to me within a couple hours, then basically repeating my language of "Yes, I do work with less-young adults" (instead of some generic thing like "I work with all ages) and saying we could talk that evening helped clinch it for me. And our 10-minute phone conversation that night to talk about what I was looking for and schedule the first session felt right, too. I think that initial "feeling" is what made me stick it out those first 3-5 sessions when I wasn't sure about him.

Thank you all so much for your replies. This is very helpful.