[mindmechanic]

Is it appropriate for someone in the therapist's life - be it a partner, family member, or friend - to sit in the clinic waiting room waiting for the therapist to finish her day?

I was the last patient of the day. I left the clinic room through the back door, but went back to the clinic less than a minute later to ask the therapist a quick question. When I entered the main front door of the clinic, I saw someone sitting in the waiting room. We made eye contact. No one else was working at the clinic at that hour; it couldn't have been a patient. My intuition told me it must be someone in the therapist's personal life. I didn't recognize that person as someone who worked in the clinic either. So true enough, I saw the therapist and this person together hand-in-hand walking outside the building.

I know that I should talk about my feelings and reactions with the therapist. But is it appropriate in the first place for therapists to bring someone in their personal life into the clinic waiting room? The therapist's personal life should be kept private away from patients unless it is beneficial to the patient. So why bring someone in your private life into a professional setting? Even though the waiting room is a public space, it is still part of the clinic. Any thoughts?

[fille_folle]

Yes, it is appropriate.

[mindmechanic]

Originally Posted by fille_folle

Yes, it is appropriate.

Why do you think that?

[Thalassophile]

I don't find it inappropriate. Therapists are human beings and they have lives outside their jobs. The person was merely in a public space waiting for the therapist to come out. I don't see the harm? It might be different if they were in the T's office and then perhaps there may be confidentiality issues.
I can see however how it might evoke certain feelings in a client who sees this and make them feel somewhat uncomfortable which is not ideal but not inappropriate IMO.

[unaluna]

Ive been on both sides of the equation, as a patient, and as a relative.

I would say, ts are human, and so are their significant others. If a t doesnt treat his so's as human, i dont think you want him as a t, cuz what can he teach you about being human?! Yes im bitter, sorry does it show?

You "broke the frame" by returning to the office after your session was over - its like walking into someones bedroom without knocking, who knows what youll find. Thats why its important to stick to session times, etc. If it were a medical dr or a lawyer or whatever, when your time is up, its up. Heck, even the cashier at walmart - you would have to get back in line, because they are starting on another customer. No?

[mostlylurking]

I think your T probably assumed you'd go out the back door and never see this person. I don't think they did something inappropriate, if that's the case. But I don't think T's realize how clients can often feel about their private lives and the people close to them -- for a whole variety of different reasons. A wise T would try to keep their private life very private as a general rule, though of course there can be reasons to share things with some clients.

I'm sorry if it was really disconcerting for you. I think that kind of reaction would not be uncommon.

[musinglizzy]

one time, a few years ago, my T's teenage daughter was in the waiting room, waiting for our session to get over. T actually TOLD me that was her daughter. We didn't get a lot accomplished that day, I didn't like knowing T's daughter was sitting right outside the door.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I don't think it inappropriate. It seems a natural way to end the day, meeting at the office and walking to dinner, coffee, whatever, and it seems natural to wait in the waiting area.

[Pennster]

Yes, I once had a therapist whose wife kept oddly popping up at the edges of my therapy- either running dramatically out of the home office seconds before my session time, or walking back to the house as I was leaving. It was disturbing- made the whole thing seem leaky.

I’m with mostlylurkng- I think it’s better when therapists realize how much that kind of thing can affect people, and work extra hard to avoid such encounters.

[mindmechanic]

It is the waiting room in the clinic, and there are a few offices in the clinic. It is a public space. But it's still within the clinic. It should still be a safe place for patients. I think more effort should be made to keep private life away from the therapy space. If it was outside the building or clinic, that's fine.

How public is the clinic waiting room? Not actually public, is it.

[Myrto]

Reading this forum, I see therapists doing inappropriate things all the time but in this case, this is about your overreaction and jealousy, not about the therapist doing something inappropriate. What was the therapist's spouse (?) supposed to do exactly? Hide in the car with dark classes and camouflage clothing? It's not like the therapist talked to you about their spouse/gf/bf. The person was merely sitting in the waiting room AFTER you had left. This is about you.

[MessyD]

Once I saw my T’s daughter in waiting room. I knew he had a daughter and if he hadn’t told me who it was I would’ve asked. It didn’t bother me, it’s not common for him, in fact It only happened once and I’m guessing he wasn’t able to get anyone to be with her. If anything I’m glad he didn’t cancel on me, I’m sure it wasn’t an ideal situation for him. I’m guessing your T didn’t expect you to see the other person. I think it’s ok to talk about how it made you feel.

Yuck. I wouldn’t want to make eye contact with a T’s family member.

So, I would wonder if T talks about me to this person, and does this person recognize me from something said about me? Did they look at me funny? Do they think I’m crazy?

OMG don’t get me started on the hand holding part. I just wrote about my former T kissing her boyfriend right in front of me. If only I could unsee THAT. I was in the lobby, and he walked up to bring her the keys to her office she had left at home.

Ewwww and please never again!!

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

I think your T probably assumed you'd go out the back door and never see this person. I don't think they did something inappropriate, if that's the case. But I don't think T's realize how clients can often feel about their private lives and the people close to them -- for a whole variety of different reasons. A wise T would try to keep their private life very private as a general rule, though of course there can be reasons to share things with some clients.

I'm sorry if it was really disconcerting for you. I think that kind of reaction would not be uncommon.

My thoughts as well. For your therapist it was the end of their working day and he didn't think that you'd have a reason to come back to the office after you leave.They thought you'd just leave and never see that person. That's why they made a previous arrangement with that person to meet at their office at the end of the day and then go together somewhere. It wasn't inappropriate since the work was over and all patients were supposed to be out of the office by that time.

That said, I 100% understand why you feel the way you feel about it. I believe that your therapist wouldn't have allowed that person to come to the office had they known you'd be back after you left. But things like that do happen. In real life we can't predict everything and be sure that something wouldn't interfere with our plans or schedules. So, you just had an unfortunate situation which affected you emotionally, but that was no one's fault.

Generally speaking, it's inappropriate for therapists to allow people from their personal life to sit in the waiting room or to be anywhere in the office space where they can be easily seen by patients during business hours. But, in your case, it happened after hours. Still, I think, it's best for therapists to meet with people from their personal life outside the office all the time, but it's not always possible. The realities of life bring limitations.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I wouldn't like it one bit, but I think it is okay to do so. When I was a kid, I waited with my dad in my mom's shop every time she worked, so we could go for dinner after. Ts have a life, and people in their life should be allowed to pick them up from work. They waited in the waiting room, designated to be waited in. If they knocked and told the T to hurry, that'd be different, but just waiting somewhere is fine.

I admit I'd feel uncomfortable in case the T discussed anything I said in session with that person, but I know that's just my suspiciousness.

[88Butterfly88]

My pdoc's husband often waits for her in her waiting room. My pdoc and her husband had their pictures in the newspaper so I'm certain it's her husband. He doesn't bother me so I don't have a problem.

[Lemoncake]

R worked from home. I always arrived early and waited at a bus stop. I recognized his family leaving and it did affect me and we talked about it in session.

I think in this case thought it wouldn't be inappropriate. I've waited for my GP aunt in her waiting room.

[toomanycats]

Sure, that's fine. I understand it being unsettling, but the therapist is in control of his/her own confidentiality - so, clients seeing a partner, friend, etc. is OK. Your T just couldn't go and introduce you to people - that would break YOUR confidentiality.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by Pennster

Yes, I once had a therapist whose wife kept oddly popping up at the edges of my therapy- either running dramatically out of the home office seconds before my session time, or walking back to the house as I was leaving.

i know this is a serious thread, but the mental image i got of a woman running dramatically (arms flailing about in my mental image) out of the office made me laugh.

back to the thread: my T's daughters (young) once were in the waiting room for her. i am the last client of the day. it only happened once, and i think she got a 2nd car bc now she goes and picks them up after i leave. it didn't bother me at all, and they were mighty cute. one is a mini-T. they also were sitting there so solemnly, which was also cute as they were so young (4 and 6).

but, i love kids (i am a preschool teacher), and i already knew about her girls.

I would be uncomfortable with that as well but I am generally freaked out by T and anyone connected with her. I had to contact with her brother in law for a thing through my job and it freaked me out big time. I felt like I was intruding on her life which is ridiculous because it had nothing to do with her at all...

I don' t think the therapist did anything wrong. Private clinics are still public spaces. In the past I would have had a lot of uncomfortableness with the the therapist in all out of context scenarios. I saw this as my issue not theirs. My previous therapist had a home office. Life needed to happen for them and their families.

These were the things that I brought to therapy because it paralleled other relationships in my life, everything needed to be how I wanted as opposes to learning to appreciate or not be affected by what is.

Another poster spoke of the therapist kissing her SO. Unless, they were embracing and locking lips I feel as a client I need to ignore or deal with the affects in therapy because for me it surely would be similar to other relationships in my life; jealousy comes to mind in both scenarios. If a quick peck on the lips or cheek (I don't know if this was the case for the other poster) throws me off balance then I know it is an issue that should be dealt with in therapy.

On this forum I read so many things a therapist is suppose to avoid, do or remember for each client so this already UNREAL relationship gets farther away from real life. I would think in some of these situations the client would be better served having a conversation with the therapist first. Then maybe experiencing a bit of exposure therapy for the scenario that is leaves one flustered. I know in a few instances my attachment therapist had to do this for me. I know we all have our own points of view, and these are my opinions only.

[imnotbroken]

I guess it's ok. I saw my T's husband twice. In the first time, I knew it was him because I'd seen his picture on her social media. Awkward, I know, but that's what you get for cyberstalking. This time he stopped by to bring her something she'd forgotten.
The second time he was there to fix something with the internet, and, by the end of my session, he was done and was sitting at the waiting room waiting for her. I felt it would be rude not to acknowledge his presence as I was saying goodbye to her (she was sitting beside him at the couch then) and I said goodbye to both T and husband.

[SarahSweden]

If this relative of your T had gotten there after her last appointment, that is the appointment with you, then it´s acceptable as she couldn´t know you would return to ask her a question.

But to let relatives sit in the waiting room while the therapist still sees client is less acceptable to me. Then the therapist isn´t protecting her clients I think. Some clients wouldn´t bother about it but as for me, and I assume for you, it can be a delicate matter and something that makes a client upset.

I of course know a therapist most likely has some family and relatives but I don´t want to see or know about it. It´s a huge difference between the T bringing their relatives into a waiting room than accidently bump into a client on the streets when walking with a partner or similar.

Originally Posted by mindmechanic

Is it appropriate for someone in the therapist's life - be it a partner, family member, or friend - to sit in the clinic waiting room waiting for the therapist to finish her day?

I was the last patient of the day. I left the clinic room through the back door, but went back to the clinic less than a minute later to ask the therapist a quick question. When I entered the main front door of the clinic, I saw someone sitting in the waiting room. We made eye contact. No one else was working at the clinic at that hour; it couldn't have been a patient. My intuition told me it must be someone in the therapist's personal life. I didn't recognize that person as someone who worked in the clinic either. So true enough, I saw the therapist and this person together hand-in-hand walking outside the building.

I know that I should talk about my feelings and reactions with the therapist. But is it appropriate in the first place for therapists to bring someone in their personal life into the clinic waiting room? The therapist's personal life should be kept private away from patients unless it is beneficial to the patient. So why bring someone in your private life into a professional setting? Even though the waiting room is a public space, it is still part of the clinic. Any thoughts?

[mindmechanic]

The therapist does self-disclose at times, but always makes it clear that her patients and private life are separate. She said that her patients will never be a part of her private life. If so, then she shouldn't bring her private life into the professional setting at all. In a building that has over 20 floors and a lobby downstairs, there's no reason why that person had to wait in the clinic's waiting room.

Some of you said that I broke the frame by going back into the waiting room and the therapist's office to ask her a question. Sometimes I would have a sit in the waiting room after sessions to get myself together before leaving the building into the real world. Therapy isn't like going to your regular family doctor or hair dresser. Therapy does evoke strong feelings, and I think that therapists should be more sensitive about it.