[growlycat]

Does your t seem to be becoming s better t for having worked with you? Do your challenges really get t to think in new ways? Maybe you are smarter than t and they are learning from that? Or you have had other types of issues or therapy that your t was previously inexperienced in handling?

I feel arrogant by sometimes feeling this way. I don’t think he is used to patients so familiar with the process as I am. But I benefit greatly too.

Wondering if you ever sense that you are helping them too? I think I see it here but not sure if you see it too.

[nottrustin]

My T has told me a couple of times that she has learned a lot from me. I don't know that it means she is a better T but that she has gained a different perspective on things and that she carries that new perspective over to her personal life and with other clients.

My T says she learns from each client. I've brought up gender stuff, which she has commented on as "new" to her.

[annielovesbacon]

My T has said I'm "interesting to work with" for a few specific reasons. I don't know if that is making her a better T necessarily, although I suppose working with interesting (ie different, I guess) clients helps a T grow and learn as a therapist and have more knowledge/experience to help clients in the future.

[stopdog]

I doubt I made any difference to the therapist either way. I don't see how or why I would

[Echos Myron redux]

He's definitely learned from me. He has told me so on many occasions. And he handles certain things better than he used to. But he was an experienced and excellent T anyway so it's not like I've taught him everything he knows.

[Out There]

I've seen them both grow as T's , but a quote I've always liked is " There's always two people in therapy " I think they both aim to learn from their clients , one says he's learned loads from his clients. So I hope I've contributed to it.

How can this be answered. Changed with just me or is that change suppose to be across all clients? That somehow because if me, and not any other client, I'm the guiding light? Sounds a bit narcissistic. We all change a bit in meeting everyone in life.

[LonesomeTonight]

I think current T has learned from me. He's mentioned not having past clients really be attached to him (well...that he knew of!), so I think I'm helping him learn about clients who attach to their T's. He's been confused by my reaction to things at times (like why I reacted so strongly to his going out of town), but then seems receptive to my explanations and feedback. And it seems he's adapted a bit in how he approaches and responds to me. So I think he's become a better T in that now he knows how to deal with clients who are more like me. And I wonder, too, if he might be better able to detect if a client feels attached to him, even if they don't tell him...

[InnerPeace111]

I love the thought that my T has learned something from working with me. I have no idea what she has learned from me but I hope it’s something she treasures.

[satsuma]

I think yes, because I am challenging sometimes He actually said that he finds it "satisfyingly challenging". I would rather he felt that way than burned out!!

[Perna]

I saw my T for many years and then did not see her for many years and then saw her again for many and was astonished at how much she had grown as a person/T; it had not occurred to me but we got into an exact same conversational corner we'd painted ourselves into 15 years earlier but she responded differently and it opened up again and we could resolve that and move on. It was marvelous!

[awkwardlyyours]

She said she’s started doing x thing differently across her clients based on what I’d told her (and basically she said she now reads clients much more closely thanks to what I’ve told her).

I didn’t ask her about it — she said it on her own.

Some other stuff though — I’m not so sure. She has changed how she approaches certain topics with me but I don’t get the sense that’s a real change because all of a sudden, I’ll get a sharp glimpse of her old attitudes which bothered me (and which she’ll quickly cover up but still).

So that’s an example of something wheee it looks like she’s changed but I really doubt it and then I kinda feel bad that she’s forced to cover stuff up to deal with me (in my defense, I haven’t told her directly it bothers me but she’s commented on how “defensive” I am about those things).

[mostlylurking]

My T told me he has learned a lot about what clients go through from me, because I've been so honest. I believe that meant both about my feelings (like feeling clingy during positive transference and irrationally angry during negative transference) and about things I confessed to (internet snooping on him). I think I could be open partly because I knew from this forum that my feelings and actions were not unheard of -- and sometimes extremely common. I knew other people here were brave enough to bring up topics with their T's and it helped me bring things up with him, things like weird dreams or embarrassing daydreams, I told him about all of it. My T learned through me but he also has the forum to thank, in a way.

My last T may have learned a thing or two from me as I'm pretty vocal and assertive.

He was so incredibly dogmatic about the way he did therapy; rigid and inflexible and was very thick, so it takes a lot for him to see something outside of his mindset. Sometimes, while in the process of ruptures, I would tell him that some things he did were really just acting like a jerk rather than adhering to some therapeutic principle. Or, I would explain to him why it's not therapeutic and can cause harm. He seemed surprised to hear this, but he must have thought about it and agree as he did change something he was doing for 30+ years.

I did not set out to change him, but there were times during ruptures when I thought he could at least meet me half way--even 1/4 of the way. Mostly he would not even move .0001, but there were, however, a couple of times where he thought about what I said and it had some impact on the way he does therapy, like the example above.

I remember him learning a key psychoanalytic principle from me, and he had to admit I was right and he was wrong as there are numerous books and articles that align with what I said. He is a psychoanalyst but had this concept all wrong, and it was an important one that distinguished that he did therapy the old school way...the topic came up at another time where I really, really needed him to try to meet me half way.

Other than that, he would never admit it or acknowledge any influence I had on him. Never in a million years would he share a thought like that with me as it would be handing over some of his power to me, and he always made sure he did not do that.

I am aware of a lot of resources in town especially for children and senior citizens. When I learn something of interest I pass it on to my former and standby therapist because I know that they can use that information for their clients.

Also, my ex therapist reread Sir John Bowlby’s complete works to help us through attachment therapy. I was not easy but we survived. My standby therapist has learned a little about attachment therapy and how she could help me when the attachment piece poked its head out. My former therapist and standby therapist talked about it.

[here today]

I voted "other".

My last T may become a better T from working with me, or may not.

She said that she had learned a lot from me, but terminated the therapy because she "did not have the emotional resources" to continue.

An experience that she had with another client may have made her "worse", at least for me. She told me some about this previous client when we were having problems, as a "reason" why she could not be so "present" with me. I know now that was clearly an "out-of-bounds" action, but I didn't know that then. I also think we repeated the same pattern. She wasn't "there", I complained, she got huffy and one-downed me, and my "angry part", that I had tried so hard for so long to try to "get in touch with", did not come back "in", in therapy, although the rest of me did.

So, my T did not become a better T, at least while I was working with her, from what I can tell. If she becomes better for others, that feels really crappy to me. When the therapy failed I asked her for a partial refund. She refused. I guess they think it's their "right" as therapists to "practice" on and use clients for their own development?

So whereas I would have been happy (and "proud") to have thought that I contributed to my T before the rupture without repair, I feel used and discarded -- and definitely not "proud" -- now.

[atisketatasket]

One of them told me she’d learned a lot from me.

I asked for an example.

She couldn’t give me one. Really.

I think what matters is, do you feel they are becoming a better therapist for you?

[ruh roh]

No, I don't think she's a better therapist because of working with me. She's always been above average in comparison to others I've seen. With me, it's more that she makes adjustments; but being able to observe the adjustments just makes me feel uneasy, not better.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

but being able to observe the adjustments just makes me feel uneasy, not better.

Exactly. Exactly.

Blondie’s now taken to saying “I (meaning she) would like to......(blah blah whatever thing I’d preferred she change)..” which just makes me feel in addition to uneasy, also somewhere around age 2 (am pretty sure that by age 3 I’d stopped putting up with stuff like that).

I am quite used to people saying they learn things from me and have no reason to assume it would be different for therapists, but Ts are usually less expressive about their side of the experience, so hard to know. Both of mine said that they learned from me/working with me but I did not really feel significant change in their approach/attitude/whatnot in my therapy. Usually it took repeated direct asking or explaining before they seemed to get what I was saying about my preferences and how I saw their acts. My first T was massively dogmatic and never really stopped projecting things on me - in the end that was what made me stop seeing him. I would have loved to see him become more open-minded and able to see things from many angles but I think that is just not in his basic personality much. One little adjustment he did make after a couple months of seeing me was becoming more interactive in our sessions - this after my telling him repeatedly that I won't pay him for just sitting there and saying a few very superficial sentences. He did engage much more after that at least.

Last T said many times that my life strategies, reactions and values were so different from other clients that he did not even attempt to interpret me much or use his usual techniques with me. He emphasized so much how different I apparently was, I really got tired of it, especially because it's something I have heard frequently from people in my whole life. From a T all that sounded more like an argument for not doing much actively, kinda avoiding the challenge. I will never know if any of them has become better / more flexible professionally.

It's also true that I never saw a therapist long enough or did deep enough work with them for significant learning experiences to occur. Or if it did, it wasn't expressed to me much.

[bounceback]

I had many therapists but only one has actually admitted that I helped her which made me wonder how I helped her but I was glad she admitted it.

It's hard for me to answer this question. I don't think I've been with my current therapist long enough for either of us to assess whether our working together has been beneficial for him. I would hope that he's learned something about how to deal with clients when he perceives they are in crisis (and perhaps I was). Though I suspect that if put in the same situation again, he would react in the same way.

He's said that he looks forward to learning from me, as some of the things I do in my work could theoretically be applied to his work as a psychotherapist. I hope that I'm able to give something to him in return for the work that he's doing with me. It's the nature of any human relationship, no?

As for my former therapist, I don't think he learned a damn thing from me. He continued to make the same mistakes over and over again. Perhaps I made him feel burned out. He admitted that I was frustrating at times.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

Last T said many times that my life strategies, reactions and values were so different from other clients that he did not even attempt to interpret me much or use his usual techniques with me. He emphasized so much how different I apparently was, I really got tired of it, especially because it's something I have heard frequently from people in my whole life. From a T all that sounded more like an argument for not doing much actively, kinda avoiding the challenge. I will never know if any of them has become better / more flexible professionally.

It's also true that I never saw a therapist long enough or did deep enough work with them for significant learning experiences to occur. Or if it did, it wasn't expressed to me much.

Same here on length of therapy engagements and hearing how different I am from other people and therapists. It is very easy to dismiss someone you think of as different because they’re way out in left field.

[stopdog]

Both of the ones I saw recently told me that I was not a usual sort of client and that I did things differently from their other clients. First, I think the first one exaggerated if not dead flat lied about that sort of thing. I did not take that to mean they were learning from me in any way. I think they are mostly insincere about such things. I am not all that interesting or unusual and I don't think most clients are. I also think they say they learn from clients as a technique - not a truth.