[ChickenNoodleSoup]

This evening I had a pretty intense flashback. However, unlike the previous times when I experienced this (where I was essentially frozen and just let it happen), this time I managed to find something to ground me before getting absorbed by the past. I tried to remember my T's voice as much as possible, kept saying things to me that he usually says, and I was even able to imagine what his room looks like. It didn't completely kill the flashback, but it made it much more bearable.

I have heard of the concept of internalizing your T before. I wonder how much/intensely this happens to you guys, if at all? Do you actually hear your Ts voice, can you just imagine what they'd say, or do you not experience this at all?

[Deejay14]

It doesn't really matter. What is important is that you found it helpful for you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have problems internalizing my T. I have pictures of her, 2 transitional objects, countless emails, etc. But what has helped me the most is the reassuring things she wrote in my journal. When I read them, I hear her. It really helps calms my fears and stress.

[stopdog]

I would not find such a thing useful. I do not hear the woman in my head. If it had ever happened to me, I would have been most unhappy.

[ruh roh]

There was one time I told my therapist I heard her voice in my head saying X and she said something about that not being ideal to internalize her voice. I don't know if she went into why, but it was not a big deal to me. So now if I think of something that she says, I kick it out of my head.

I have heard T's voice in my head, usually in the times when I REALLY want to give up or an avoiding something difficult. I don't think that's a bad thing..... irritating at times but not bad.

[annielovesbacon]

Yes, I frequently wonder "What would T say in this situation?" Sometimes it is helpful in steering me to make a better decision, but most of the time it is unhelpful. It makes me wonder if I will ever be able to support myself without having to have T's voice in my head. Also, imagining T's voice in my head leads to me imagining a whole session in my head, which causes me to have unrealistic expectations and spend wayyy too much of my time thinking about therapy/my T.

Originally Posted by ChickenNoodleSoup

This evening I had a pretty intense flashback. However, unlike the previous times when I experienced this (where I was essentially frozen and just let it happen), this time I managed to find something to ground me before getting absorbed by the past. I tried to remember my T's voice as much as possible, kept saying things to me that he usually says, and I was even able to imagine what his room looks like. It didn't completely kill the flashback, but it made it much more bearable.

I have heard of the concept of internalizing your T before. I wonder how much/intensely this happens to you guys, if at all? Do you actually hear your Ts voice, can you just imagine what they'd say, or do you not experience this at all?

Your experience is pretty much mine.
I hear T's. Voices. But of course it can only be our own voice that we've built around T's being. That's life. As children we did it with parents. We do it with many. I have a woman at work that was saying something to me the other day, that she heard my voice in her head when I had gone home regarding a situation of hers we'd Been talking about.
With the T, Because we work on intense personal stuff. It's their voice that comes first in times of intense moments.

[LonesomeTonight]

When I was really anxious or in a really stressful situation, I used to be able to think of MC saying "It's OK" in what I call his "super caring voice," and it would help.

With current T, I think there's a little internalization, but it's not so much hearing his actual voice or picturing him. It's more that I've internalized a bit of some things he's told me about having gotten through difficult things before and being able to get through them again. More like, that he has faith in my ability to cope. Which is interesting that this has happened after 6 months, when I feel it never really happened with ex-T after 6 YEARS...

While I was going to therapy, I often had imaginary conversations "with them" in my head, even just monologues about things I wanted to share with them. I actually did share a lot of those via emails to the Ts. It never became ingrained though and completely went away a couple months after quitting with each of them and I would not like to "converse" with or listen to such mental creations now. I only experienced significant and lasting internalization about people that had significant, deep and meaningful relationships with, e.g. my father or some mentors in the past. That lasts even years after the end of communication or their passing and I feel it's integrated with my own features quite a bit. The therapists never came anywhere close to that for me - luckily I should say, for one of them at least.

[toomanycats]

Sometimes, I imagine my T tucking "little me" in at night, telling me that I'm safe, that he's there and nobody will hurt me, and then just sitting working at his desk in the corner of my room while I fall asleep.

So, a lot.

(And, yes, T knows about this. heh.)