[stopdog]

Do you have more concern with intruding upon a therapist or that the therapist will intrude upon you?

[atisketatasket]

How can I possibly intrude upon them when the appointment times are set, in their office, and I don't contact them too much if at all outside of session?

[LonesomeTonight]

I'm concerned about intruding on the therapist--my texts one evening were actually called "a bit intrusive." And things like watching a video of him online.

I don't really care about the therapist intruding on me. I know someone posted something about how lots of T's look at a clients Facebook/other social media. But mine is fairly locked down, and I don't think anything on there would surprise him, anyway, even if he was somehow able to see everything. Though...not sure I'd want him to see all my posts on here.

[unaluna]

Ooh, a boundary question. You know i love those. It used to be like, the floor is lava. Impossible to make good, careful decisions.

[Argonautomobile]

I used to worry about intruding upon the therapist - not so much in terms of boundaries or communication, but in the sense that I worried some material was too toxic to bring up. As if it were infectious, somehow, and would intrude on his peace of mind.

He's been very good about not intruding on me. It doesn't take much for me to feel intruded upon, so I appreciate his discretion here. It's only happened 2 or 3 times in as many years.

I worry about intruding on her when I email.

I am constantly worried about intruding. There have been times where our lives have intersected by accident and I felt so much guilt. I felt like I needed to confess to her about this horrible thing I did intruding on her life. She was cool with everything and respects my fears. I think she appreciates my boundaries, just not how worked up I get when they get blurred.

[awkwardlyyours]

Yeah, I don't know how intrusion would happen in this context -- I don't contact her outside of session (and vice versa) unless it's for scheduling (and, in her case a basic sort of check-in at times).

I do think I've crossed some of her boundaries at times by asking her specific questions in session but eh, that's her stuff to deal with -- it's kinda why she gets paid $$$ per hour to handle questions from arseholes like me.

Even for scheduling, I usually email -- keeps it more at a distance -- but almost always she ends up either immediately or after a while, responding by text.

I really dislike texting with her (or other professionals) -- there's a weird informality to it that I don't really feel (given the nature of the relationship) but at the same time, I feel an immense pressure to make sure I'm not crossing any lines (so, I end up having to spend time thinking through the right tone for texting -- she has told me that she's read irritation and anger in my texts, which yeah, she wasn't off but I didn't know was coming across).

Email would be so much preferable for all these reasons -- doesn't require an immediate response but at the same time, gives one sufficient space to explain oneself succinctly and with the right tone / connotations etc taken care of.

But, Blondie actually told me that she has switched to texting with me because she considered my choosing to email as a way of "distancing" myself. Argh.

[velcro003]

I put neither, but it did take some time for my T to convince me that e-mailing was okay, and she did not mind it at all.

if she ever asks a question that i feel is too intrusive, I tell her I don’t want to talk about it,
and we move on.

[satsuma]

I think that I need more from my T than my T needs from me, so that's why I think it's more likely to be me intruding on T than vice versa.
In actual fact I don't think either of us is intruding on the other, but that would be the direction of my fears.

[stopdog]

For me, I don't think it is possible under normal circumstances for me to intrude upon a therapist. But I greatly am concerned about those guys intruding upon me. I don't want unsolicited emails or phone calls or texts. I don't want them trying to insist upon anything or pressing me (usually they learn quickly that pressing me is not going to work - I have had both of the recent women say that did not work - like no s hit). I don't want them a familiarity with me they do not have. I want them to stay back and keep away.

This is exactly why I never called a therapist on the phone without scheduling a call and only used text for quick practical notes such as scheduling changes. All of my outside communication with them was via email. I do not consider email intrusive - it does not demand immediate/quick attention and they can also choose to ignore it and not respond or not even read. It took me many repetitions and elaborate explanations to "teach" both of my Ts that, just because I like to send emails, I absolutely do not expect response or acknowledgement. Especially just quick messages back saying they had received my email and nothing else - to me that was not only pointless but also annoying at times. In the end both of them picked this up but it was hard to make them understand. I did not even understand why at first but then, reading PC and how many clients get anxious about Ts not responding fast or even at all - I guess that expectation is what the Ts were used to more. I have many work colleagues and own clients emailing a lot and I personally never find that intrusive - I deal with them as I can and don't feel forced to react immediately to every contact even though I generally do try to be responsive as much as it's realistic. I do find repeated unsolicited phone calls intrusive though and, to some extent, text messages as well if someone imagines texts are the written forms of phone calls.

With therapists specifically and with paid services, I also think that it has to be discussed and mutually agreed upon how much and what type of outside of appointment communication is included in the fee. But once a professional says, for instance, that receiving emails don't cost extra and whatever level of responsiveness is free, it's only good work ethic to keep the agreement. No need to exceed the agreement unless they choose to and then it's their decision and time.

In my communications, if someone contacts me too much or with stuff that I consider beyond the scope of our contact, most typically I will say it directly but briefly and if it persists, I just do not engage. That's basically setting and maintaining my own boundary. I don't think anyone is responsible for others' boundaries though, that's not even possible to regulate and not a good idea to reprimand someone constantly. People basically learn from experience what works and what does not in every relationship - if they are not willing to learn, maybe it's a topic for therapy but only if the client is interested/receptive to discussing it. In general, I think it is much more effective to regulate/maintain own boundaries than trying to influence others'.

[CharlieStarDust]

I voted neither. I don’t email often - and as far as I know she only responds when in the office. And I’m there to bear my soul, so can’t imagine feeling intruded upon in that context. If she brings something up that I don’t want to discuss I say so, and we move on.

[junkDNA]

Intrude upon....

If I am understanding correctly than my answer would be both.

When I go in for my session there are details or certain topics that I either censor or just cannot get out because I can't imagine saying it to somebody. It feels like doing so would be inappropriate. As if I would be scolded or run out and never allowed back because I crossed some line, even though realistically I know they would probably see it as progress.

On their end, there have been some times when I've felt like by some questioning or statements from my therapist. I get all restless and squirmy because it goes past my comfort level, or they keep at it until I answer. Worse than my therapist with that is my psychiatrist. During our talks, my psychiatrist acts like there are no such thing as boundaries and will ask me way too personal of questions in totally blunt language. It makes me reel back until I can manage to stammer out that I'm not comfortable answering it.