Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old May 25, 2018, 10:59 AM
Anonymous52332
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by feileacan View Post
At some point my T stopped allowing phone calls and emails and I was angry to him for that. He disallowed it because I started to present some very intensive borderline'ish behaviours ...
While I certainly can't know for sure, I suspect that when the OP's T "consulted" with someone following her email, the term BPD came up and his viewpoint on the relationship changed. "These people" (as Stopdog refers to them) tend to become very skittish when they think there's a "Borderline" in the house.
Thanks for this!
growlycat, SalingerEsme

advertisement
  #27  
Old May 25, 2018, 11:01 AM
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
Nope, he has said that I am not BPD. He thinks I was just too dependent... which is ridiculous considering how rarely I emailed or anything on an average week.... it was because he read way more into the email than intended and instead of asking more about it, just went with that he thought.

Also my T is fine with BPD patients, he has told me before he had people refer them to him because of his personality and stuff, he tends to work well with them and it is hard to find T's who will
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear
Thanks for this!
SalingerEsme
  #28  
Old May 25, 2018, 11:14 AM
unaluna's Avatar
unaluna unaluna is online now
Elder Harridan x-hankster
 
Member Since: Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 42,333
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
TMC I would but I hate groups of people. My social anxiety is terrible with anything more than 2 people besides me. I would probably wet myself or throw up. My T suggested this a while back but It's just not something I think would work for me. I need to work on my social issues first
I was only ever in a DBT group, but there are different kind of people in there - some like me who are jumping to answer and get called on and then normal people who pretty much just sit there quietly like adults . So if you can work up the nerve to just wave your hand and mumble "pass"...? just being there is working on your social issues.
Thanks for this!
DP_2017, SalingerEsme
  #29  
Old May 25, 2018, 11:16 AM
ElectricManatee's Avatar
ElectricManatee ElectricManatee is online now
Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,515
I've been going mostly twice a week for two years now with no problems. My T also allows however much outside contact I need. She isn't bothered by it at all and in fact seems pleased that I'm able to trust and rely on her in a way I couldn't before.

For people with emotionally neglectful backgrounds, I think depending only on yourself becomes second nature, which can make it hard to have satisfying relationships. I've gotten much more comfortable with new people and socializing (joined a book club and a yoga class) because of the work I've been doing in therapy in the last few years. I agree that having a T who understands attachment and can work with it instead of exacerbating the underlying problem is key. I don't feel like I have to force myself to leave the house or try to make friends. It's much more organic and natural than that because of the changes that are happening inside me. Eventually I can see that I won't need my T as much, but that will be my/our decision, not something that occurs on somebody else's timeline.
Hugs from:
unaluna
Thanks for this!
DP_2017, Fuzzybear, NP_Complete, SalingerEsme, unaluna
  #30  
Old May 25, 2018, 01:07 PM
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,641
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Nope, he has said that I am not BPD. He thinks I was just too dependent... which is ridiculous considering how rarely I emailed or anything on an average week.... it was because he read way more into the email than intended and instead of asking more about it, just went with that he thought.

Also my T is fine with BPD patients, he has told me before he had people refer them to him because of his personality and stuff, he tends to work well with them and it is hard to find T's who will
This sounds like a t I saw... reading too much into stuff and making assumptions, rather than asking . I wasn’t too dependent or “clingy” - bleh. Assumptions grrrrrrrr

(But this t was ghastly in other ways )
__________________
  #31  
Old May 25, 2018, 01:13 PM
feileacan feileacan is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: Europa
Posts: 1,169
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Nope, he has said that I am not BPD. He thinks I was just too dependent... which is ridiculous considering how rarely I emailed or anything on an average week.... it was because he read way more into the email than intended and instead of asking more about it, just went with that he thought.

Also my T is fine with BPD patients, he has told me before he had people refer them to him because of his personality and stuff, he tends to work well with them and it is hard to find T's who will
Do you know what this "too dependent" means according to your T? How he suddenly came to the conclusion that you are too dependent?
  #32  
Old May 25, 2018, 01:18 PM
DP_2017's Avatar
DP_2017 DP_2017 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: A house
Posts: 4,414
Nope, not at all. I personally think his own feelings came into play big time here and he's just playing it cool. It's frustrating but whatever.
  #33  
Old May 25, 2018, 01:22 PM
feileacan feileacan is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: Europa
Posts: 1,169
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Nope, not at all. I personally think his own feelings came into play big time here and he's just playing it cool. It's frustrating but whatever.
You could ask him what does he mean by that???
  #34  
Old May 25, 2018, 01:30 PM
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,641
Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
Nope, not at all. I personally think his own feelings came into play big time here and he's just playing it cool. It's frustrating but whatever.
I would probably ask him what he meant as well ... it’s a dilemma when a t seems to come up with an unhelpful “interpretation” that doesn’t make sense ... to ask or not to ask

I’m guessing (from my experiences) that his personal feelings did come into it, and he’s playing it cool... I hope you can resolve this (maybe he made a mistake, I don’t know ... sorry I’m probably not being very helpful. The t I saw did dx me with “Avoidant pd” but he made far too many mistakes )
__________________
  #35  
Old May 25, 2018, 04:29 PM
SalingerEsme's Avatar
SalingerEsme SalingerEsme is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jul 2017
Location: Neverland
Posts: 1,806
It sounds like you have a great T- really good relationship and trust

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
I've been going mostly twice a week for two years now with no problems. My T also allows however much outside contact I need. She isn't bothered by it at all and in fact seems pleased that I'm able to trust and rely on her in a way I couldn't before.

For people with emotionally neglectful backgrounds, I think depending only on yourself becomes second nature, which can make it hard to have satisfying relationships. I've gotten much more comfortable with new people and socializing (joined a book club and a yoga class) because of the work I've been doing in therapy in the last few years. I agree that having a T who understands attachment and can work with it instead of exacerbating the underlying problem is key. I don't feel like I have to force myself to leave the house or try to make friends. It's much more organic and natural than that because of the changes that are happening inside me. Eventually I can see that I won't need my T as much, but that will be my/our decision, not something that occurs on somebody else's timeline.
__________________
Living things don’t all require/ light in the same degree. Louise Gluck
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee
  #36  
Old May 25, 2018, 04:51 PM
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,641
This does sound like a really great and trustworthy T!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
I've been going mostly twice a week for two years now with no problems. My T also allows however much outside contact I need. She isn't bothered by it at all and in fact seems pleased that I'm able to trust and rely on her in a way I couldn't before.

For people with emotionally neglectful backgrounds, I think depending only on yourself becomes second nature, which can make it hard to have satisfying relationships. I've gotten much more comfortable with new people and socializing (joined a book club and a yoga class) because of the work I've been doing in therapy in the last few years. I agree that having a T who understands attachment and can work with it instead of exacerbating the underlying problem is key. I don't feel like I have to force myself to leave the house or try to make friends. It's much more organic and natural than that because of the changes that are happening inside me. Eventually I can see that I won't need my T as much, but that will be my/our decision, not something that occurs on somebody else's timeline.
__________________
Thanks for this!
ElectricManatee
  #37  
Old May 25, 2018, 04:54 PM
fille_folle's Avatar
fille_folle fille_folle is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: US
Posts: 1,172
I don't think you are "crazy needy." I think you've been tricked into thinking that by bad policies inflicted upon you.
Thanks for this!
circlesincircles
  #38  
Old May 25, 2018, 05:01 PM
Anonymous54376
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Other than being with dogs, it's hard to imagine what extra support might look like for you if you don't want to involve a social element, a new therapist or open up vulnerable and potentially hurtful conversations with your existing therapist.
Thanks for this!
circlesincircles
  #39  
Old May 25, 2018, 09:14 PM
ScarletPimpernel's Avatar
ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 9,084
The social aspect is hard. I have social anxiety and was once agoraphobic. I'm not going to suggest making friends, but there are other social things you might be able to do. Therapy groups. Exercise/gym/yoga classes (doesn't require much socialization. Classes like cooking or art. But 8f you really don't want to socialize (which I get) then you'll have to find ways to comfort yourself. Hot baths/showers, cuddling in a blanket, eating your favorite food, going for a walk/hike, etc.
__________________
"Odium became your opium..." ~Epica
Thanks for this!
DP_2017
  #40  
Old May 27, 2018, 10:27 PM
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,641
It was this thread which got me reading (and posting ) more in this forum.

I “get” the social aspect too, fwiw.

__________________
Hugs from:
growlycat, unaluna
Reply
Views: 2682

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:55 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.