As in someone who committed acts of abuse towards me?

[Argonautomobile]

I'm afraid I don't understand the question? Can you try to rephrase?

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

I'm afraid I don't understand the question? Can you try to rephrase?

What part of the question is it so hard to understand?

[toomanycats]

identify how? where? under what circumstances?
in court? legally? guessing? based on your description of abuse?

Originally Posted by toomanycats

identify how? where?
in court?

According to evidence the clients brings and the client's situation

[unaluna]

My therapist does. He has nothing good to say about my mother. It's ALMOST a joke between us, except for the fact that it so negatively impacted my life in so many ways, but it's almost a joke that my mother was the absolute worst advice giver. It's like, whatever she said, you should do the opposite. Unfortunately, she would threaten your life if you didnt follow orders.

So yeah, therapists can identify stuff like that. But how they help you through it, thats where its hard to find someone you can work with. Who offers unconditional positive regard, and who doesnt retraumatize you. I tend to laugh a lot, so ts always thought i was okay, but i wasnt. Finally, this t, i told to slow down, and i explained how previous ts didnt understand. I said "you guys always" a lot! A good working relationship doesnt happen instantly, but i found a couple of things i liked about him and i held onto those things during the rough periods.

Originally Posted by unaluna

My therapist does. He has nothing good to say about my mother. It's ALMOST a joke between us, except for the fact that it so negatively impacted my life in so many ways, but it's almost a joke that my mother was the absolute worst advice giver. It's like, whatever she said, you should do the opposite. Unfortunately, she would threaten your life if you didnt follow orders.

So yeah, therapists can identify stuff like that. But how they help you through it, thats where its hard to find someone you can work with. Who offers unconditional positive regard, and who doesnt retraumatize you. I tend to laugh a lot, so ts always thought i was okay, but i wasnt. Finally, this t, i told to slow down, and i explained how previous ts didnt understand. I said "you guys always" a lot! A good working relationship doesnt happen instantly, but i found a couple of things i liked about him and i held onto those things during the rough periods.

Yes, I also try to present things in as a subtle manner as possible
It doesn't always help unfortunately

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Yes, I also try to present things in as a subtle manner as possible
It doesn't always help unfortunately

I think i USED to be subtle, but people nowadays take that as passive-aggressive. I was often encouraged thru the years to be "assertive, not aggressive". There were often "assertiveness training" programs offered and books written. How to get what you want, or get your point across, without stepping on the other person.

Its very difficult if your family ALWAYS says no. It leaves you completely unprepared for the outside world. My mother believed that by her always winning, she was SHOWING me how to win. No - she was just teaching me how to lose.

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think i USED to be subtle, but people nowadays take that as passive-aggressive. I was often encouraged thru the years to be "assertive, not aggressive". There were often "assertiveness training" programs offered and books written. How to get what you want, or get your point across, without stepping on the other person.

Its very difficult if your family ALWAYS says no. It leaves you completely unprepared for the outside world. My mother believed that by her always winning, she was SHOWING me how to win. No - she was just teaching me how to lose.

I'd rather we not make up the puzzle pieces on our own like that
We could be talking about different things

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrr (at my family)

Family always saying NO - I’m befuzzled just exactly how that prepares us for the world

[SalingerEsme]

Yes, I think many T's are well aware of being alert to signs and symptoms even if they are not told straight up, but given nuances and hints. If you bring evidence, they should have a good solid grasp of trauma staging and ways to address the complexities, as well as let you know what they do and do not have to report. If you are subtle, they might know, but choose to honor your timetable and bide time. IMO a seasoned clinician has a nose and considers many things.

My T goes in wake up mode with me if I say anything to minimize the degree of sa in childhood, and will usually have a fresh "shock and awe" term to make me face reality- aka the crime scene, the cult, the torture chamber- bc I have an embedded need to minimize. He is all about pediatric records and plain speech. He is very twofold about defenses- which creatively keep people safe but skew or distance the harsh truth from the "antiseptic of daylight".

[Salmon77]

A T can probably look at a client's behavior/symptoms and see when they are consistent with the behavior/symptoms of an abuse victim. But I don't see how the T could be certain that abuse was an issue unless the client actually describes abuse.