hello / question about T

Hello! I am a long-time lurker and new member. I feel like I know some of you already!

I have been in therapy for a little over a year. I had been in therapy for about the same amount of time several years ago. My previous T was a great listener and was really laid back. I was able to "get it all out" with this T, but my issues did not resolve.

The current T has given me a lot more insight and really listens to what I say. This T has actually helped me a lot, but I still have quite a bit to go. They are not warm and to be honest, I don't even think I like them. But they challenge me and really know how to get at the issues. Do you think you need to like your T in order to heal? I dread going and it is stressful, but I do feel that meaningful work gets done.

Thank you in advance!

--EG

Everyone is different. For me yes. I have huge trust issues and i need to feel comfortable to be vulernable amd trusting with someone

I would change t's if i dreaded going. That's me though

If you think overall it works for you then that's great but if yout if you feel you need to be more comfortable it wouldn't hurt to try a new one

Hello EG: Glad you finally decided to dive into the pond! Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I guess I can't really speak to your question directly. I saw a few therapists for brief periods over the years. But it never amounted to anything. What occurred to me as I read your post, though, was something I recall reading with regard to the late Buddhist meditation teacher Chogyam Trungpa. He supposedly said that the purpose of a spiritual teacher is to irritate you! Perhaps there is a sense in which a skilled therapist might at times need to do the same?

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D., on this topic:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-if...our-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to...our-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...or-it-to-work/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/frustra...talk-about-it/

Welcome

I’m not sure if there is a right or wrong answer to this. I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone to like their therapist. The most important thing is that you feel that meaningful work is being done, imo. I’m not sure how long I could tolerate consulting a therapist who I dreaded seeing and who I didn’t like, but that’s me.

I don't think its important to like your T as long as you are able to go and feel like you are making progress. Even dreading to go is ok as long as you can work around that. If you do feel like it is something you can't deal with or want to work on, you could always bring it up with your T. Maybe there is something that he/she could shift or maybe it would be worth exploring why you don't like him/her and working through it that way? I am a huge fan of transparency in therapy although I will also be the first to admit that its hard as hell to actually put into practice. Good luck!

Maybe it's a cost/benefit thing? Is the stress and dread you experience around sessions worth the with that gets done?

Welcome to the forum, I'm still pretty new too but I've quickly learned people here are really friendly and supportive.

On your question, I really think it comes down to how you feel. You may not particularly like your T, but you definitely sound like you're getting a lot out of the sessions. The question is, do you feel this is benefiting you? If it is, then I'd say keep it going, because it might just be exactly what you need.

I don't think I could handle a therapist that I actively disliked. I wouldn't trust his or her opinion then. But I don't need or want to be in love with a therapist. My preference is not to get into transference stuff if I can help it. I do need for them to understand me, and preferably seem to like me as a client.

But I agree with others, if you think you are improving it might be worth going even though you dread it.

Hi and welcome!

I think, when it comes to liking someone, therapists included, there are different levels of liking. In the professional relationship I need to like someone just enough to feel safe with them. Without some basic sense of safety therapy cannot progress for me. So, I'd give more importance to the feeling of safety over liking. Of course, that means that if I actively dislike someone I cannot feel safe with them.

So, yeah, to me it'd boil down to the sense of safety and also the trust that the T has good intentions and genuinely cares about my welfare.

I have to like them, but there are other professionals that I don't really care if I like or not as long as they're good at what they do. You are getting good results without the liking, so I think that's what matters. My therapist once told me that she's had clients where they didn't have that sense of clicking on that level, but the person did great work and made a lot of progress; and she has also had clients that she got along with really well but the person never really worked on their issues and did not make any progress.

I have to like and feel liked in therapy. At least that has been the case for me so far.
But I don't think it's necessary for everyone. Some people enjoy more confrontation or a sense that they are "working" and don't want or need warmth. Depends on your personality and your needs.

I have had a few different T's whom I consider to have been good and they were quite dissimilar from one another in their approaches and in the feeling that was in the room when I was with them. There are many ways to be helpful.

Although my experience with a psychologist is relatively short, it seems to me that a therapist that challenges a person would be more successful than one that doesn't. Just my opinion.

Personally I would like to work with someone I liked and mainly felt comfortable with, but I think the relationship is the most important thing. You could dislike the therapist but still find the therapist helpful overall.

Thank you very much for all of your responses. You've given me a lot to think about.

For the moment I will try to stick with my T because they seem to understand my issues so clearly and definitely have helped me. I was feeling hopeless about any progress when I started with this T and now I feel that way only occasionally.

Thank you again!