Couch 175: You've Got Mail....

Oh, by the way... My count was off. He went to 2 hospitals last night, so the count is 25.

I'm sorry if I'm bugging any of you with this. It just helps to get confirmation that this is not healthy behavior, that I'm not simply overreacting.

You're not overreacting. What he's doing isn't healthy.

I'm sorry, Scarlet.

That is really tough. I hope the professionals involved will make the right call sooner rather than later.

He has a serious mental illness. This goes well beyond the average depression or neurosis. I'd like to see him in a place where he can be treated and supervised 24/7.

I'd also like to see you have separate accounts.

I've already emailed back saying I didn't want the session. I woke up feeling okay so far today, but I'm expecting the inevitable crash. Seeing new T just highlighted the fact how dependent I am on him- in her opinion whilst I had made a lot of progress when I talked about R she said it didn't sound healthy. I get the fact that I wasn't super clear in my original email, but I asked for the same thing- a session. It was the first time he said I could have email contact on a break, but I feel like it was just because of how our last session ended. We didn't go over expectations- which I feel like should have been his responsibility to do so.He took 5 days to get back to me to ask me when my exam was hen I had already told him- and that was disappointing.

I want to disentangle him from me- I don't want to be in that place again where I so desperately need him.

My aunt was going to adopt a cat from a shelter, but was put off when they said they would be coming around to do a home visit too. She just bought a normal kitten from a store.

I think I agree with CE- 25 is a shocking number maybe he would benefit from somewhere where he can have 24/7 care.

I've been awake since 3am trying to go back to sleep but it's not working so I give up. Maybe I'll just get dressed and go for a walk and find the sunrise. Therapy is hard. So hard. No wonder I quit in June. It was about to get super hard again and subconsciously I must have known it. I'm still glad I went back but dammit it's hard! And it's relentless this need to be my true Self again. Just, yeah, relentless is the word for it. I'm just tired tired tired of pretending, of wearing masks and hiding under layers of protection.

Oh, Art...

I get it. 'Relentless' was a word that came up a lot for me. There's that great quote about allowing the space between who you are and who you want to be to inspire you and not terrify you. I am not there yet...not even close.

I can really identify with your last line.

I saw your other essay writing post and my first honest reaction was just "oh wow", because you were so honest and brave. It takes a lot to be so vulnerable and not to run away. Therapy is hard, but we're here for you.

Thanks, Lost. I'm in a strange place of being a combination of terrified and inspired by it at the same time. Leaning toward inspired I suppose since I committed to weekly sessions through October and started going to CODA meetings. But I'm scared, too.... Of the unknown, just how much is this transformation I'm on the verge of gonna shake up the life I've built, etc.

Thanks, lemon. I almost got up and walked away from what I was writing several times and almost started crying several more. These feelings are very vulnerable. I have a feeling I'm going to wish I had 3 or 4 hours with L on Thursday instead of just 1...

I edited my original post to add this at the bottom of my post be: Therapy is hard, but we're here for you.

Could you ask for a slightly longer session?

There's a reason they home check, they want to be sure the cat is not going to an abusive home

I hesitate to do that because of the money thing, she's giving me a reduced rate right now while I'm coming weekly, and I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of her or something. Then again she is going to be out next week, so actually it would be making up for that I guess. I'd really really like to be able to go twice this week... but I know I won't ask for that...!

What do you think is stopping you from asking her?

Hmm. Just saw my son's Facebook page he put his status as "in a relationship"... this might be getting serious he's never done that before with the other girls he's dated.... am I ready for this?

scared of talking about this vulnerable stuff i guess.

That is really awful.

I wonder what possessed her to do so. That's a really big violation of client confidentially.

I am coming to the conclusion that therapists often do not think before they speak or act.

You're being very brave already and it's okay to go at your own pace, but if you want to see her twice this week perhaps ask in email?

Maybe there's something in the water?!? Or just the end of summer haze affecting their brains.

For me it is really more that I was an idiot for believing that the woman had even a modicum of professional integrity. Any number of things about her would not surprise me. This one did.

I am so tired. I need to rest. Apparently I don't deserve rest though. Have to go out again tonight with a family member and have a ton of things to do in the house tonight as well.