[Rive1976]

So my T thinks my mother sexually abused me. She is basing this on no factual evidence. Not even a flashback I have mentioned. She said that my sexual attraction to teachers, counselors (mother figure types) and other things that draw me to them I cant place from an early age is why she thinks that. Isnt that a wild theory?

[Amyjay]

Yep. That is wild. If you have given her no indication that you think you were sexually abused by your mother then this is really inappropriate of her.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Agreed, that's way out there and she shouldn't have mentioned something like this. For reference, my T said we don't know what really happened in my past after I told him about a flashback I have where I'm sexually abused as a child. Basing such an accusation on even less sounds unprofessional to me.

[seeker33]

This doesn't seem probable or professional to me.

[LonesomeTonight]

She shouldn't be putting ideas like that in your head. It's one thing if you had a memory of something. And people can get attached to maternal figures from a young age without having been abused--at least my former and current T have said that about my attachment to paternal figures. I think you need to find a T who doesn't try to put thoughts in your head... Out of curiosity, is she fairly inexperienced?

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

She shouldn't be putting ideas like that in your head. It's one thing if you had a memory of something. And people can get attached to maternal figures from a young age without having been abused--at least my former and current T have said that about my attachment to paternal figures. I think you need to find a T who doesn't try to put thoughts in your head... Out of curiosity, is she fairly inexperienced?

Been practicing for 13 years I think.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Dnester

So my T thinks my mother sexually abused me. She is basing this on no factual evidence. Not even a flashback I have mentioned. She said that my sexual attraction to teachers, counselors (mother figure types) and other things that draw me to them I cant place from an early age is why she thinks that. Isnt that a wild theory?

I think you present your story in such a way as to discredit the possibility of such a "wild theory." You want the people on this board to condemn your therapist and tell you what you want to hear. I don't have any problem with it, but I'm not playing. I've read your other threads and there is "evidence" you don't specify here that makes this not such a wild theory even though you may have no specific memories even though I'm not sure that's the case.

I have no dog in this fight about what the truth of your experience is, but as a CSA survivor, I think it's worth considering and continuing to explore such a theory (not fact). I think that things as they stand with you now are really painful, a tough way to live not understanding what to make of what you do feel and desire in the moment. I do understand how difficult it is to accept CSA and how much easier it is to bury your head in the sand and deny it. I also think it's possible that you weren't. I can't possibly know what's true for you but I don't think you've engaged seriously with the possibility either here on this board or likely in your own therapy.

Maybe it's my own stuff that is driving this; I wouldn't deny that possibility. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful to you. But I spent 7 years in a support group with a woman who was sexually abused by her mother, and someone who used to post here (maybe more than one person, likely) was also. It happens and it's horrible but it's not a life sentence to suffering.

You may feel free to have the last word because I'm not interested in going around and around with you; it's not productive for me and I'm just tired of it. I'm staying out of your threads in the future.

[stopdog]

Sometimes those guys are just dead flat wrong. Sometimes they are so wrong, they plant false memories in clients and get sued.
If I was as against the idea as it seems you are, I would just find a new one or tell this one to stop and I would leave without paying if they brought it up again.

[Taylor27]

Thats so wrong of your therapist to say that. I was sexually abused by my mom and no therapist ever told me they waited til i told them. It bothers me allot when professionals plant things in peoples heads. Hug's only you know, and if she pressures you to accept it and it never happened find another therapist.

[Rive1976]

I am very concrete evidence kind of person. I just dont see the purpose of entertaining this idea if I dont know for sure. My mother is a sexual abuse survivor I dont think she deserves to be judged in this way.

[feralkittymom]

And yet your demand of your T is that she give you concrete answers about situations that may never provide such answers. You can't have it both ways: to reject inferences (she's giving her professional best guess, not dictating an ultimatum), yet also demand concrete answers. Either accept living with ambiguity and move forward from that, or entertain possibilities in in-depth ways that will lead to acceptance or rejection. What you're doing is refusing to engage and it keeps you exactly where you are. Is that really what you want? If so, have at it, but it seems like an awfully painful way to live a life.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

And yet your demand of your T is that she give you concrete answers about situations that may never provide such answers. You can't have it both ways: to reject inferences (she's giving her professional best guess, not dictating an ultimatum), yet also demand concrete answers. Either accept living with ambiguity and move forward from that, or entertain possibilities in in-depth ways that will lead to acceptance or rejection. What you're doing is refusing to engage and it keeps you exactly where you are. Is that really what you want? If so, have at it, but it seems like an awfully painful way to live a life.

I dont know whats worse not having answers or assumptions.

[Rive1976]

This is what her response was when I dont like hearing about sexual abuse and it causes alot of chatter. (Chatter is things that pop in my head like I dont want to think about this, Im going to die, focus on that picture etc.)

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to listen to the possibility of any form of abuse happening to you (especially by your parents). If you can dismiss that possibility you can avoid having to think of that reality. However, it is only through acceptance of our situation/our reality, that we can begin to get to work on the healing process. Your brain reverts to its alarm center as a way of avoiding the reality.

[feralkittymom]

I agree with your T.


And it's not about accepting assumptions: it's about exploration, which can lead to memories returning, if they're there. Remembering doesn't change the reality--whatever happened or not is past. All that changes is how you live today.

If the sexual abuse doesn't exist, or isn't known to have existed at this point, I wonder why all the effort of talking about the nonexistent issue instead of discussing issues already known to exist.

I really understand why she is saying you are in denial if the issue isn't known to have existed.

[Ididitmyway]

She has the right to give you her professional opinion. You have the right to reject it and redirect your work into something else. However, if you want to work on understanding your obsessions you mentioned in other threads such understanding might not be possible to achieve without exploring the possibility that you were sexually abused.

That said, I am neither supporting nor judging your therapist for what she suggested. I can't form my opinion because the appropriateness of the suggestion depends on how it was offered, what words she used and what the general message was. I know from experience (both personal and professional) that all cases containing any possibility of sexual abuse are extremely sensitive and delicate and that it's impossible and often inappropriate in most cases to jump to any conclusions about what happened and whether T was right or wrong based on hearsay. All I can say from your info is that she can state her opinion and you can decide if you want to go in that direction or not and inform her about it.

[Rive1976]

She is only basing her theory on two things though. One that I have always been since 8 attracted emotionally and sexually to mother figures. Teachers counselors etc. Two that I sometimes think about woman being sexually abused and how it changes them. There is something really interesting about women wounded that way. She also said it could of been another woman since I rejected the one about my mother. So its just wishy washy.

[Ellahmae]

Being attracted to mother figures does not mean you were abused by your mother. Therapists shouldn't suggest something happened unless you mention a flashback, or bring it up - etc. This is leading and it's dangerous and inappropriate.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Dnester

She is only basing her theory on two things though. One that I have always been since 8 attracted emotionally and sexually to mother figures. Teachers counselors etc. Two that I sometimes think about woman being sexually abused and how it changes them. There is something really interesting about women wounded that way. She also said it could of been another woman since I rejected the one about my mother. So its just wishy washy.

In your other thread you gave a slightly different information. That's why I can't make a judgement about what your therapist based her opinion on. And that's why I am saying that cases as yours are way too obscure to judge them one way or another based just on hearsay

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

In your other thread you gave a slightly different information. That's why I can't make a judgement about what your therapist based her opinion on. And that's why I am saying that cases as yours are way too obscure to judge them one way or another based just on hearsay

I know what info you are talking about. This is a busy thread I dont want to trigger anyone with that info and I certaintly dont want anyone hating me.

[Rive1976]

I am also thinking I have no memories, I no video tape of this. It certaintly wouldnt holf up in a court law on theories. So why should I entertain it in my head?

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I am also thinking I have no memories, I no video tape of this. It certaintly wouldnt holf up in a court law on theories. So why should I entertain it in my head?

Because you are in pain. I have not read your other threads, I do not know your story. For me, the fact that you have pain is enough to create the list of possible theories and explore each of them to the fullest that you can - what is the harm in putting this one on the list? And yeah, exploring or investigating them with a skeptical eye is totally ok, discussing why it doesn't feel right for you is still exploring it. Maybe something else will come up out of those discussions that shines a light on something.

[Rive1976]

I think I pissed my therapist off. I told her this whole thing was quite irritating and I was angry she suggested it because we have no evidence. I also told her both my parents have denied any sexual abuse when I asked them years ago. No response.

[Rive1976]

Originally Posted by Elio

Because you are in pain. I have not read your other threads, I do not know your story. For me, the fact that you have pain is enough to create the list of possible theories and explore each of them to the fullest that you can - what is the harm in putting this one on the list? And yeah, exploring or investigating them with a skeptical eye is totally ok, discussing why it doesn't feel right for you is still exploring it. Maybe something else will come up out of those discussions that shines a light on something.

I feel like the fact if I even entertain this idea I am hurting my mother.

[Elio]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I feel like the fact if I even entertain this idea I am hurting my mother.

I what way are you "hurting" your mother by discussing the idea. In what way is she being hurt? You are talking about this with strangers on an internet forum that has no clue who you or your mother is. You are talking with this with your therapist who may or may not know who your mother is depending on the situation where you live. However, said therapist already believes what she believes. So, how would your mother even know this is being discussed to be hurt?

Also, entertain is an interesting word. It is different than exploring. Maybe that is just a difference in how see the word. To me entertain has a feeling that you accept the assertion that X happened, whereas explore is more along the line of staying open to how your body responds to, what thoughts come to mind, and what feelings are experienced as you talk about what ever memories do surface.

For me, I questioned CSA because of several of my behaviors. At the same time not only do I not have memories of CSA, I don't even have memories of memories of CSA and I don't have any unusual amount of missing time/memories from my childhood. Still we explored this at my direction in trying to figure out some of my behaviors. I came out of it even more certain that there was no CSA in my childhood as I processed through some of my experiences and listened to what my body told me even if I didn't remember all the details of those memories.