[blackocean]

I had an intake appt with a substitute therapist today, while my therapist is on vacation. I am not doing so well. At the end of the session, she said that she doesn't normally allow outside contact with patients, but that I should call her if I need to talk because she'd rather talk to me for a few minutes if I need it than leave me without.

It's weirding me out that she offered to break her "rule" for me -- even though I didn't ask about calling or suggest that I wanted to -- because now I realize how crazy I might appear to others. I didn't express any suicidal ideation (which is a lie, I do have it) but I was feeling panic at the time and described some intense symptoms. I know I seemed upset and I was shaking a little bit but not sure how noticeable that was.

I really feel like I am losing it. :/ Do therapists usually break their rules like this? Or is this reserved for "special" patients? It makes me feel "special" in a negative sense.

But also, it does make me feel cared for. My primary therapist has never offered me an emergency phone call no matter how unstable I seemed, and I definitely had days in his office where I was freaking out much, much worse than I was in this session with the substitute. Days when I expressed how much I wanted to die, said my panic symptoms were 8/9 out of 10, that I had intrusive thoughts 95% of the time, and showed visible signs of distress even though we weren't talking about anything difficult. He offered me no extra time or help. Yet the substitute therapist offered an unrequested call after one meeting, because she could see that I am in or nearing crisis. It makes me feel like this person I just met for an hour cares more about my safety than he does.

Am I being fair? She doesn't take my insurance so I don't really want to switch to her at this time, but I am wondering if I should expect more from my therapist.

[blackocean]

bump. I mean, have your therapists offered you (versus you asking for) the option of a brief phone call when you seemed in crisis or on the verge of a breakdown, even if it was technically against their policy? Or did you have to ask for it? I'm the type of person who would never ask for anything and suffer alone no matter how much I needed something, especially if I was worried about breaching etiquette or seeming 'needy,' and it felt nice that this woman reached out to offer extra support when my suffering was severe and my panic debilitating. But I haven't been to much therapy and I don't know if I should expect that as a professional standard.

[zoiecat]

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. She may have been offering because she sees you struggling and knows that you are only seeing her temporarily. Even though it is against her normal policy, she knows you would only be contacting her until your regular T returns. It is probably something she does not offer long term clients.

Each T is different, and from reading these boards some seem to change their boundaries at will. Your best bet is to ask them directly if you want to know more details or the meaning behind the contradiction. Hugs to you while your T is on vacation.

[SalingerEsme]

I agree with Zoiecat that it is bc she is responsible for you temporarily. My T is like yours with no extras, and they believe deeply the overall frame- regularity , predictability, the jesses and nos, create a frame or even a container that make us feel safer in the big picture. I think it is bs, and I wish my therapist would care more proactively , but they have complicated beliefs. I don't think this T's flexibility means your T cares less.

[blackocean]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. She may have been offering because she sees you struggling and knows that you are only seeing her temporarily. Even though it is against her normal policy, she knows you would only be contacting her until your regular T returns. It is probably something she does not offer long term clients.

Yes, this makes a lot of sense! There's little chance that I will abuse the privilege and her time, and if I turn out to be super needy then she will be rid of me soon. I don't plan on calling unless something extremely terrible happens anyway. I was just remembering entering and leaving my reg therapist's office in worse shape and just getting a "Have a good week" (and me thinking Yeah, right, I'll be lucky to still be employed, if not alive...

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by blackocean

bump. I mean, have your therapists offered you (versus you asking for) the option of a brief phone call when you seemed in crisis or on the verge of a breakdown, even if it was technically against their policy? Or did you have to ask for it? I'm the type of person who would never ask for anything and suffer alone no matter how much I needed something, especially if I was worried about breaching etiquette or seeming 'needy,' and it felt nice that this woman reached out to offer extra support when my suffering was severe and my panic debilitating. But I haven't been to much therapy and I don't know if I should expect that as a professional standard.

My former Therapist (T2) offered me to call her or email her in between but T1, T3, and so far T4 haven't offered and I haven't asked. T2 is the one I saw the longest though. And to be fair, T3 as horrible as she was (I only saw her 4 times) did answer a text message question. I'm also the type of person who wouldn't ask no matter what kind of state I was in, but it was nice that the T offered and that it is an option if you need it. Like others said, it might be because she is temporary and covering, or it might be that she felt you needed the extra support and is able to offer it right now.