[TrailRunner14]

I was wondering if anyone else had difficulty grounding yourself on your own.

When I get triggered into a bad place, I have a hard time centering myself, talking myself down or grounding myself back to reality. Logically I know the steps and I do them but I can’t say that it really helps me. It’s like the trigger has to wear off and I eventually come back after the rollercoaster ride is over.

I can’t seem to be able to step in and stop it myself.

If I am with my counselor, he can talk me through the steps and they work.

We were talking about this and I couldn’t come up with the words to explain what I meant.

He asked me to explain why I couldn’t do it by myself and I couldn’t really tell him, because I don’t know why I can’t do it.

Is this something that anyone else experiences?

If it is, do you know why?

[SlumberKitty]

IDK if this helps but I would imagine former T's voice walking me through the process of being grounded and that would help. Is this something you can try?

[LostOnTheTrail]

I can totally relate to this. I've been up in the air since mid-June, and unable to talk to my counsellor about it. Thank you for the post.

[MoxieDoxie]

I relate to this as well. I can not un-trigger myself. I have always needed someone else to talk me down off the cliff and it has always been a therapist.

I have tried all their tools. Container, imagining putting the inner child to bed, safe space imagery. It is all bull crap. I just hang on for dear life and wait for it to pass. It does pass but it takes time and I am not my best functioning adult during it.

[nottrustin]

Emdr T and I were working on that when we were doing EMDR. One of the things she said worked for many people is to do what she said was a butterfly hug. So far it has not worked for me. I think it is because if I am triggered and in that bad of a place I am unable to think clearly enough to try any techniques. I need the safety and soothing voice of either of my Ts to really get through it

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

IDK if this helps but I would imagine former T's voice walking me through the process of being grounded and that would help. Is this something you can try?

I’ve tried, since your post, to imagine this and thought it would be easy.

I can’t get to it. It feels too far away.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I’ve tried, since your post, to imagine this and thought it would be easy.

I can’t get to it. It feels too far away.

Can you get your T to send you a voicemail recording of what your T would say? Then you could listen to it. That might work.

[velcro003]

My T has said that you need to practice all these tools on "easy" stuff. Stuff that really isn't triggering, but you could still use some benefit from grounding.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Emdr T and I were working on that when we were doing EMDR. One of the things she said worked for many people is to do what she said was a butterfly hug. So far it has not worked for me. I think it is because if I am triggered and in that bad of a place I am unable to think clearly enough to try amy techniques. I need the safety and soothing code of either of my Ts to really get through it

Yes! I can so agree!!

I know the butterfly and I’ve practiced it, not triggered, and I will say that is very calming.

Like you, when I’m in that bad place, I can’t remember to go there. It just feels like I’m trying to right myself enough so I can think.

[Amyjay]

We have had much trouble grounding ourselves in the past, still do sometimes I suppose, but we have am inside tweenager who has become increasingly more proficient at switching us out of triggers. I don't really understand how or why she took on that role but it has been immensely helpful.

She doesn't seem to be able to do it immediately, so we still experience times when we are stuck in a trigger but she gets better and better at stepping in earlier and switching in. Once she is out she removed us from whatever the trigger is and goes to self care. We have found this extremely helpful. I suppose it is fair to say we are getting better at noticing we are triggered and inviting her to step in as well.

But, as I said, I don't know how this developed, it is a newish thing (has developed more over the last year) but it is a game changer for us.

[PurpleBlur]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I was wondering if anyone else had difficulty grounding yourself on your own.

When I get triggered into a bad place, I have a hard time centering myself, talking myself down or grounding myself back to reality. Logically I know the steps and I do them but I can’t say that it really helps me. It’s like the trigger has to wear off and I eventually come back after the rollercoaster ride is over.

I can’t seem to be able to step in and stop it myself.

If I am with my counselor, he can talk me through the steps and they work.

We were talking about this and I couldn’t come up with the words to explain what I meant.

He asked me to explain why I couldn’t do it by myself and I couldn’t really tell him, because I don’t know why I can’t do it.

Is this something that anyone else experiences?

If it is, do you know why?

takes practice.


it might help if you ask t to record a safe place exercise for you to do at home. it will help you internalize his voice until its a part of your inner introject and you'll be able to do it on your own...

Wonder if this could help...?

Displacing Flashbacks with Visual Grounding – Go With That

"During a flashback and the accompanying emotional arousal, cognitive strategies are unlikely to work. Most clients will not be unable to “talk themselves” back into the present. What does work for the vast majority of clients is visual grounding. To demonstrate this in session, ask the client to stare intensely at an object that is in the room. The client can stare at a patch of carpet, a pastel painting on the wall, or a piece of furniture. It’s often a good idea to avoid focusing on photos of people or photos that contain people. It helps to ask the client to focus on a small part of the object and to notice the various shades of blues or to notice how the texture of an object looks like waves. Ask the client to try this every time he has a flashback.

The purpose of this exercise in grounding is to saturate the visual parts of the brain with an actual object that is fully in the present. Once the client is able to focus on the object, the visual part of the flashback will often be displaced with the object that the client is focusing on. At this point, the client can make reinforcing cognitive statements of safety to help transition the client the rest of the way back to the safety of the present, “I’m okay. I’m in my own house and I’m staring at my carpet. I live here with my wife and my two children. I’m okay right now.”

As soon as you are aware that you are having a flashback, visually focus on something in your environment. Stare at it very deeply and intensely, notice the small shifts of color in it. Notice the texture of it. Continue to stare at it for several moments after the flashback goes away. Once your vision and your mind is fully saturated with the object you are looking at and you no longer see the traumatic images, tell yourself that you are safe and tell yourself (out loud, so your ears can hear) where you are located. Will you be willing to try this every time you have a flashback? I want to help you develop this technique, so that you can stop flashbacks quickly when they happen. If you have problems implementing this technique, I want you to come back and tell me. There are often ways around these problems."

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Wonder if this could help...?

Displacing Flashbacks with Visual Grounding – Go With That

"During a flashback and the accompanying emotional arousal, cognitive strategies are unlikely to work. Most clients will not be unable to “talk themselves” back into the present. What does work for the vast majority of clients is visual grounding. To demonstrate this in session, ask the client to stare intensely at an object that is in the room. The client can stare at a patch of carpet, a pastel painting on the wall, or a piece of furniture. It’s often a good idea to avoid focusing on photos of people or photos that contain people. It helps to ask the client to focus on a small part of the object and to notice the various shades of blues or to notice how the texture of an object looks like waves. Ask the client to try this every time he has a flashback.

The purpose of this exercise in grounding is to saturate the visual parts of the brain with an actual object that is fully in the present. Once the client is able to focus on the object, the visual part of the flashback will often be displaced with the object that the client is focusing on. At this point, the client can make reinforcing cognitive statements of safety to help transition the client the rest of the way back to the safety of the present, “I’m okay. I’m in my own house and I’m staring at my carpet. I live here with my wife and my two children. I’m okay right now.”

As soon as you are aware that you are having a flashback, visually focus on something in your environment. Stare at it very deeply and intensely, notice the small shifts of color in it. Notice the texture of it. Continue to stare at it for several moments after the flashback goes away. Once your vision and your mind is fully saturated with the object you are looking at and you no longer see the traumatic images, tell yourself that you are safe and tell yourself (out loud, so your ears can hear) where you are located. Will you be willing to try this every time you have a flashback? I want to help you develop this technique, so that you can stop flashbacks quickly when they happen. If you have problems implementing this technique, I want you to come back and tell me. There are often ways around these problems."

Thank you for this!

My counselor walks me through this and it does help. Looking at an object with texture and touching it help me.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

We have had much trouble grounding ourselves in the past, still do sometimes I suppose, but we have am inside tweenager who has become increasingly more proficient at switching us out of triggers. I don't really understand how or why she took on that role but it has been immensely helpful.


She doesn't seem to be able to do it immediately, so we still experience times when we are stuck in a trigger but she gets better and better at stepping in earlier and switching in. Once she is out she removed us from whatever the trigger is and goes to self care. We have found this extremely helpful. I suppose it is fair to say we are getting better at noticing we are triggered and inviting her to step in as well.


But, as I said, I don't know how this developed, it is a newish thing (has developed more over the last year) but it is a game changer for us.

I have a 12yo part that I felt when I read this.

She first came forward very angry and thought my counselor was a threat.

She has now become an encourager and supporter of other parts.

I’m not very good at asking parts to come forward, they seem to do that in their own.

Maybe I could ask if my counselor could help me learn that. She would be great I think!!