[Soybeans]

I currently try to see my T once a week, depending on availability, but I'm paying 100% out of pocket. While I can 'technically' afford it, I have literally saved only $300 for the entire year of 2018 because my expenses are basically the same as my income. I'm a saver, I was brought up in a single parent income where having savings consistently was super important, and I feel so guilty and anxious because of my cash flow right now. I have a job, a mortgage, car payments, bills, etc., but nothing imminent I have to save for, but I still feel financially irresponsible. I have been working since I was 16 and I've managed to save every year since then except this year, so this is also just really hard for me to swallow. I've got lots of attachment/trust issues and trauma and anything less than weekly usually results in me spiralling down the thoughts of 'he doesn't care, my problems are stupid' etc and that really hinders progress, but I don't know if I can continue weekly sessions at this rate. I'm also going to be super embarrassed asking to cancel half my weekly standing appointments due to money and I feel like he'll think I can't take care of myself or I'm not working hard enough or something. I also don't know if I'm wanting to reduce the sessions because I want to avoid working on issues and this is another defence mechanism? For those of you that have chosen to reduce sessions (not recommended or forced by T), how did it go? Did you bring up the reason with your T, such as finances or being busy or something?

I’m generally of the thought that if therapy can help you keep the rest of your life together, it’s a cost worth spending.

Financially speaking, I understand your concerns. A few years ago I cut back my appointments to save money towards my children’s education. I was in an emotional place to handle it, though it was certainly a rough adjustment. Rule of thumb is that good therapy should result in stabilizing finances, not stretching you and creating more burden.

I told my therapist the reason and he understood. I was not eligible for a sliding scale.

I don’t regret my decision, especially since the round of therapy I cut back on ended negatively and dramatically.

[nottrustin]

Just a though what of you you went say 2 weeks then skip one then go 2 weeks then skip a week, etc... or go say ever 10 days instead of ever 7. Not sure if this would shave as much as you want to but just an idea.

I'm thinking about it.
I feel once a week is sufficient now.
I'm finding going twice a week a chore now.

[captgut]

Yes, I used to see T every week, but reduced sessions (I see him every two weeks) because of the money. I told him the reason, he was okay with it. It was a really difficult decision and it was difficult to tell him, so I hear you

I don't think your T will think you're not working hard or anything. It's not their job to judge you.

[starfishing]

I've gone from weekly to every two weeks in the past in order to save money. It can be a reasonable thing to do, but in your case it doesn't sound like the best move given what you've said about trust, trauma, and spiraling.

It didn't work especially well in my case either--I've found I really don't move forward in therapy at all if it's less frequent than weekly. And while at the time I justified the switch because of money, in hindsight I definitely could have afforded it if I'd wanted to--under the surface the issue was much more about being unsure if therapy was worth the cost in general, and having major doubts about whether it was helping me. That's not to say someone else couldn't legitimately only have finances in mind in cutting back on sessions, but for me there was definitely something else going on too. For better or for worse those past therapists didn't pick up on that possibility at the time, we didn't talk about it, and we didn't discuss the underlying feelings of doubt I had about therapy until they'd gotten much bigger and I'd decided to terminate. So my advice would definitely be to discuss this with your therapist and see what comes up.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

I’m generally of the thought that if therapy can help you keep the rest of your life together, it’s a cost worth spending.

Financially speaking, I understand your concerns. A few years ago I cut back my appointments to save money towards my children’s education. I was in an emotional place to handle it, though it was certainly a rough adjustment. Rule of thumb is that good therapy should result in stabilizing finances, not stretching you and creating more burden.

I told my therapist the reason and he understood. I was not eligible for a sliding scale.

I don’t regret my decision, especially since the round of therapy I cut back on ended negatively and dramatically.

In the beginning I justified to myself that paying for therapy and not saving is still better financially than ending up in the hospital again and not being able to work for several months and having to pick up my career all over again. I guess that is still true, maybe this means that I'm finally feeling stable enough to consider reducing my sessions without having my life fall apart?

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Just a though what of you you went say 2 weeks then skip one then go 2 weeks then skip a week, etc... or go say ever 10 days instead of ever 7. Not sure if this would shave as much as you want to but just an idea.

I have thought about it. Scheduling is always a nightmare because he only works 1-2 days a week, so I have very little choice in times and days, it's very much a first come first serve take whatever is available type of situation.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by starfishing

I've gone from weekly to every two weeks in the past in order to save money. It can be a reasonable thing to do, but in your case it doesn't sound like the best move given what you've said about trust, trauma, and spiraling.

It didn't work especially well in my case either--I've found I really don't move forward in therapy at all if it's less frequent than weekly. And while at the time I justified the switch because of money, in hindsight I definitely could have afforded it if I'd wanted to--under the surface the issue was much more about being unsure if therapy was worth the cost in general, and having major doubts about whether it was helping me. That's not to say someone else couldn't legitimately only have finances in mind in cutting back on sessions, but for me there was definitely something else going on too. For better or for worse those past therapists didn't pick up on that possibility at the time, we didn't talk about it, and we didn't discuss the underlying feelings of doubt I had about therapy until they'd gotten much bigger and I'd decided to terminate. So my advice would definitely be to discuss this with your therapist and see what comes up.

This hits close to home. I do suspect that I might be using the money as part of an excuse to not get too close, to detach from the relationship and 'run'. I mean I technically CAN afford it, I'm just not saving, it's not like I'm going in debt... I guess I doubt whether I am worth the cost...

[Soybeans]

I guess the other thing I feel guilty about is that I have friends who see the same T and they all see him once every 3 weeks or less, so I feel really bad asking for weekly... Most of his clients are once every 3 weeks I think, he's mentioned before that I'm like one of the only clients that sees him weekly so that makes me feel like there's something wrong with me...

[Anne2.0]

I have reduced my sessions from 1/week to 1/every other week for both financial and therapy-related reasons (didn't think I needed every week). For 6 months of the past year, I've been uninsured and thought that paying $700 month for weekly therapy was just too much. I could have afforded to do so, but I travel once or twice each month for work and that often made it every other week for default. Now that I'm back on insurance, I'm loosely at every week but can cancel when I travel or otherwise don't feel like I need it. Things have been stressful in the past couple of months and my work requires intellectual focus and the emotional aspects of it are similar to vicarious trauma, or they are vicarious trauma. Therapy helps me take better care of myself in other ways.

My T, who is about the least controlling or judgmental person I know, has no problems with me canceling sessions for travel or for financial reasons. He will preserve a weekly time for me no matter what, and that helps me cancel within a day or plan not to attend if I'm going to be out of town. I know different T's have different policies about cancellations and all you can do is make sure you know what it is and work with it, but if you think it would help you in any way to reduce your sessions, why not try it? You can always go back to weekly if it doesn't work out, and maybe saving the $$ will give you other ways to save or whatever, and lead to your sessions being more efficient.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

I guess the other thing I feel guilty about is that I have friends who see the same T and they all see him once every 3 weeks or less, so I feel really bad asking for weekly... Most of his clients are once every 3 weeks I think, he's mentioned before that I'm like one of the only clients that sees him weekly so that makes me feel like there's something wrong with me...

There is honestly nothing wrong you for seeing your T once a week. Your friends are just at a different stage. It wouldn't matter if you had to see him 4 or 5 times a week.You need as much support as you need.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

This hits close to home. I do suspect that I might be using the money as part of an excuse to not get too close, to detach from the relationship and 'run'. I mean I technically CAN afford it, I'm just not saving, it's not like I'm going in debt... I guess I doubt whether I am worth the cost...

You are worth the cost.

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I have reduced my sessions from 1/week to 1/every other week for both financial and therapy-related reasons (didn't think I needed every week). For 6 months of the past year, I've been uninsured and thought that paying $700 month for weekly therapy was just too much. I could have afforded to do so, but I travel once or twice each month for work and that often made it every other week for default. Now that I'm back on insurance, I'm loosely at every week but can cancel when I travel or otherwise don't feel like I need it. Things have been stressful in the past couple of months and my work requires intellectual focus and the emotional aspects of it are similar to vicarious trauma, or they are vicarious trauma. Therapy helps me take better care of myself in other ways.

My T, who is about the least controlling or judgmental person I know, has no problems with me canceling sessions for travel or for financial reasons. He will preserve a weekly time for me no matter what, and that helps me cancel within a day or plan not to attend if I'm going to be out of town. I know different T's have different policies about cancellations and all you can do is make sure you know what it is and work with it, but if you think it would help you in any way to reduce your sessions, why not try it? You can always go back to weekly if it doesn't work out, and maybe saving the $$ will give you other ways to save or whatever, and lead to your sessions being more efficient.

I might try something like 3 weeks weekly and then a 2 week break and ease myself into it? I'm paying ~$700/month for therapy now... it's brutal

[Soybeans]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

There is honestly nothing wrong you for seeing your T once a week. Your friends are just at a different stage. It wouldn't matter if you had to see him 4 or 5 times a week.You need as much support as you need.

I guess I feel extra guilty because I was in the hospital with these friends and I feel like I'm weak for needing more support than they do? (I know, everyone's recovery and trauma and life is different) Also, I have a friend who definitely can only see him once every month or less because of financial reasons even though she has legitimate problems and needs the support so I also feel extra greedy/entitled while she's not able to have the support she needs? I need to bring all of this up with my T don't I T^T

[Fuzzybear]

I haven’t.. I think if I had done I wouldn’t have been as hurt by the mismatch between T1 and fuzzy bear.

You are worth the cost of consulting a T as often as you need to.

[fille_folle]

Originally Posted by Soybeans

This hits close to home. I do suspect that I might be using the money as part of an excuse to not get too close, to detach from the relationship and 'run'. I mean I technically CAN afford it, I'm just not saving, it's not like I'm going in debt... I guess I doubt whether I am worth the cost...

You are worth the cost, but I would also be very uncomfortable having next to no savings. I mean, what if something unexpected happens? I'm not trying to negate possible attachment related reasons for wanting to cut back, but I think it's equally plausible that you could convince yourself not to cut back by constructing a false narrative that allows you to go with what you want to do, rather than what you feel would actually be best.