[vander512]

I hear a lot of talk on the forum about acting up. I want to know what you mean. My T allows me to call out of session. She actually encourages it, since I am so guarded. How do you act up?

[MRT6211]

Originally Posted by vander512

I hear a lot of talk on the forum about acting up. I want to know what you mean. My T allows me to call out of session. She actually encourages it, since I am so guarded. How do you act up?

I act up/act out by doing things my T doesn’t want me to do or acting how she wouldn’t want me to act. I regress in my progress, essentially. I act stubborn and childish. I whine/rant/complain in a non-productive way. I engage in self-harm behaviors (when usually, in the last year, I’ve been very good about not doing that). I have an attitude of “giving up,” essentially. I do things that I know are not effective/healthy. I do it to almost antagonize T into acting the way I want her to act. Why I do that is a mystery to me, especially because I am fully cogniscent of what I am doing and know it is wrong.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

Most of the time I act out by self-harming. I might do other things as well like reach out excessively or somehow sabotage my progress, for example by not doing things I know I should be doing. But those things mostly happen unconsciously for me. I might recognize it as acting out afterwards, but not while I'm doing it. With self-harm I'm mostly aware as to why I'm doing it in the moment.

[Fuzzybear]

I didn’t find out what he meant by “acting out”.. he didn’t explain it. I guess it means behaviours or even words that the therapist deems not to be helpful to progress. But I think therapists are very individual in this. I would hope that a good therapist would welcome all our thoughts. Therapy is about words, so for a therapist to use words against us is not helpful.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Acting out for me would look like me constantly contacting T...like daily. Otherwise, I don't really act out. I don't think I've ever acted out with this T.

It generally has a negative connotation in the context of therapy, so what you describe (looking for support when you normally tend to be quite hesitant) does not sound like acting up/acting out. It is usually a behavior that is inconsistent with therapy goals or therapy itself, sometimes directly sabotaging. Doing the same things that we otherwise want to change. For me, it was mostly engaging in addictive behaviors and distractions (my main issues). I think sometimes progress comes after several rounds of acting out, in which case it is not necessarily too bad if not dangerous or too extreme.

[LonesomeTonight]

I think it also depends on if you mean acting out vs. testing them, which to me is a bit different. I definitely do the testing thing, which is also what kids do to their parents ("Will you still love me if I do x? What about if I do y?") I'd say ways I've tested current T have been admitting to having found some stuff out about him online, emailing while he was away about a month ago then sort of pushing for a response, etc. And I guess most recently, admitting to "some platonic love feelings" for him. I have an anxious/insecure attachment style, which involves wanting to be close to people but then fearing abandonment, and this is how it plays out at times. (I do this with some other people in my life, too--a pattern I'm working on changing).

I wouldn't say I really "act out" though. Well, maybe once or twice with my former marriage counselor when I was angry with/felt hurt by him, like making a comment or two over text that I knew would upset/hurt him.

[Lemoncake]

-Skipping sessions
-I emailed him once multiple times once in the same day just to irritate him.
-I covered my face with a blanket when he only just asked me to sit up.
-I've walked out of a session.
-Told him that maybe another modality T would suit me, and that maybe I was already seeing another T when I wasn't.