Now "ghosting" my therapist is what´s left

Thanks. I think because I feel betrayed by my therapist who now left me I wouldn´t be able to trust another one to go see her and cry about what happened in my therapy.


I see a psychiatric nurse and she could have been this "random other" to turn to as I´m not attached to her. But I need to first tell my story about what happened, that would take several sessions and I would also have to establish trust with another person or psychotherapist to let me cry in front of her. I can´t just go in and decide to cry and let things out. My psychiatric nurse knows what happened and even if I see her once a week I know she, or someone else I haven´t attached to, couldn´t ease my grief and feelings of being let down.

I´m still within the thoughts about ghosting my therapist or not because of what she´s done to me.

Hi Sarah,

I expect that you may not like my point of view on this, but I'd like to suggest something, just in case this outside perspective may be helpful.

If you don't want to talk to your (ex-) therapist again, that's certainly up to you and I can understand why -- what's the point?

But there's a feeling in what you have written that I have had to deal with about my last therapist -- and still deal with -- and was thinking just today about maybe writing an online review of her, even after 2 years -- and that is the element of "hurting back" because I've been hurt.

Yes, there's a place for that. I've come to terms with that. It used to be I thought there was no place, that it was always "bad". But, sometimes there is a place for that.

Nevertheless, in this case, I don't think I see how that would help. The therapist (probably) isn't going to care, or if she does, it won't last long, and even if the hurt lasted long, how would that affect things? How might she change any more than she is likely to after you have already told her how you felt?

It's sad. And I've sadly learned that "hurting back" doesn't help my sadness. Maybe it would yours I don't know. But for me, it's mostly a "cover" to protect me from feeling the deep, unbearable sadness. "Unbearable" until, little bit by little bit, it is "borne" as it occasionally creeps into my consciousness and is accepted. Really, really sucks, though. And takes what seems like forever, each little pain slightly different from the last, still just as painful, though.

Reviewing my last therapist online -- yes, I'm still considering it. The issues that led to our termination, and therapists' hurtful incompetence generally, need to be addressed somehow I think. And the ways I have tried to do that directly have failed.

Where can I tell my story? Where can it be heard, in the real world? That's why I'm considering an online review at the moment.

I understand that's not likely to be an option in your situation. Getting to a position internally where you can discuss some of this with the nurse -- yes, it seems like that could be a good thing possibly, but I understand, no way to tell that now.

Venting on this forum for 2 years, "telling my story" here, has helped me feel a little more settled with things. I expect that doesn't help much. But it's all I've got.

"The watcher and judger and barterer of love...."
Purple, I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that description. I also have been struggling with a recent loss, and your words helped lighten the heaviness in my chest. Thank you.

You are VERY welcome. I’m really sorry that you have been struggling. Hang in there. It gets better over time.

This is also very applicable and helpful to me, thanks to all of you in this thread



“The watcher and judger and barterer of love...”

I could consult a (new) professional (irl) for months and receive fewer helpful, to me, insights than this.

((( hugs )))

I echo this sentiment.

It’s enticing to fantasize about lashing out or lashing back.

In my case the reality, at least from what I gather, is that my therapist is helping more people than she is hurting. Who knows, it may have only been me that left damaged. Either way it just didn’t work out. There doesn’t seem to be a point in ‘grinding my axe’, since I still care about my therapist even thought she couldn’t emphasize with me when it mattered most. I know myself and if I caused her any problems I’d just feel guilty and I don’t need that right now.

Over time I realized the best thing I could do for myself is create distance. I cut off contact completely, refusing to return for even a closure session. I now take ‘the long way’ to avoid driving by her office. I destroyed every document, email and business card that had to do with her. I don’t see another therapist, mostly because I feel disillusioned with the process. Even though I tend to dwell on this board more than is ideal, I eliminated the triggers and feel that I’m happier!

Getting over these things is a major process. Time and time alone levels things out.

“Couldn’t empathise with me when it mattered most”

If T1 was female I might think they are the same person

I don’t know why some still imply or insist I imagine things - it doesn’t matter as I know my truth which is in fact the reality. I’m “blessed” with a good memory for hurtful words from people irl

I’ve never tried to or thought about causing problems for T1. I slunk away quietly

No idea how many he has helped or hasn’t helped (I had one friend who he didn’t help.. but she saw him for a much shorter time, and in a group)

((((((( hugs )))))))

Thanks. In Sweden there is no such place for rating therapists and my therapist doesn´t have a private practice and by that she isn´t to be found on the net so to speak. If she was, perhaps I had considered it, just to "warn" others but as you say trying to hurt the T back is probably just a relief in the moment.


I think this is another side to the power dynamics between a client and a therapist - the therapist always "wins" unless there´s a case of a legal process where it´s possible to sentence the T in some way.

One power we have as clients is to take our money and walk away. It is not always an easy option but it IS a power that is ours and one that is imperative that we never forget. One which we must be willing to exercise as needed.

We also have the power to tell our therapists exactly how they failed us, however way we see fit on our way out the door.

When terminated inappropriately and closure isn’t possible, it is our power to seek healing in other ways. We have the power to move forward, forcing any remaining memories of these awful people into obscurity.

Therapists only have as much power as we, clients, give them. It is critical that we are diligent and leave a crumb trail back as we move along in our relationship with them.

I searched and found therapists in Sweden on Yelp. If a particular therapist or practice does not appear on Yelp, a consumer can add them.

I'm guessing most therapists badly need honest feedback to balance out their delusions and the worship they get from most clients. Yelp is one way to make sure they get that feedback, and to publicly document failed therapy.

Thanks. Yes, there are some but most don´t have a single review and Yelp isn´t used here as a way of finding therapists. Most people google and find the therapist´s websites and decide to give it a go or not. Or they are just given a random therapist within the mental health care. My particular therapist doesn´t practise outside church and by that noone will search for her on Yelp or other places.

for a long time i did give my ex-T way more power than he deserved in the relationship because of the exact fears that i sought therapy for to help me overcome. for years, ex-T fed off of those fears and kept himself in a position of power, where in my case, i was stuck and going no where in my healing. it wasn't until i started to overcome these fears that i was able to start regaining my own power in the relationship. that is when the 'real' healing and the actual therapy started for me.