[justbreathe1994]

Hey all, for those of you who know my history, I was wondering if you had any advice on what/how much to disclose in my first therapy appointment, specifically in regards to how it ended with my last therapist. I have been struggling because as you know, many of the providers I’ve met with have referred me out as soon as I disclose what happened. At times, it also has come up because they ask pointed/direct questions - they usually assume a specific incident caused the sudden termination and then want to know what specific incident that was. Not that this matters and I’m not sure if it’s a coincendence or not, but the individuals who have asked the more direct stuff and referred me on have all been psychologists. The individuals who seem to be less pokey are LMHCs or LMFTs. The thing is, I really would like to work with a psychologist. I would be fine working with a LMFT/LMHC too, but it has been really difficult finding anyone with that credential and have experience working with personality disorders.

I have a session booked with a psychologist for this week and will hopefully be meeting with another one as well, if she has availability. They both seem extremely qualified but I’m really scared and anxious about “scaring” them away too. I also want to add that it has been very difficult (near impossible) to find providers who are taking new clients, so while I do understand that “fit” is important, being referred on is very discouraging.

[velcro003]

Maybe just start off by talking about your general issues that brought you to therapy in the first place? When you start feeling more comfortable or trusting, you can talk about ending with your last T. Or not, its up to you.

[Lemoncake]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Maybe just start off by talking about your general issues that brought you to therapy in the first place? When you start feeling more comfortable or trusting, you can talk about ending with your last T. Or not, its up to you.

Go at your pace.

Originally Posted by velcro003

Maybe just start off by talking about your general issues that brought you to therapy in the first place? When you start feeling more comfortable or trusting, you can talk about ending with your last T. Or not, its up to you.

Totally agree.

Also, my approach would be the same as every other early interaction. When I’m trying to establish a relationship with someone I put my best foot forward (in as honest a way as possible). When I’ve established trust and a bond, I release the heavier stuff which shouldn’t crush the relationship once they know me.

What I would also do is ensure that that therapist you end up going with is SOLID. I know there are certain therapists that will only terminate if a person misses a certain number of appointments or is at risk of harming the therapist. I think it would be advantageous to go with a person least likely to drop you, considering what you’ve just been through. I think having someone philosophically aligned to sticking through ruptures is key. I’m not sure how to evaluate mental fitness but hopefully by meeting a few people and asking thoughtful questions you’d be able to get a decent feel.

Good luck!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

Hey all, for those of you who know my history, I was wondering if you had any advice on what/how much to disclose in my first therapy appointment, specifically in regards to how it ended with my last therapist. I have been struggling because as you know, many of the providers I’ve met with have referred me out as soon as I disclose what happened. At times, it also has come up because they ask pointed/direct questions - they usually assume a specific incident caused the sudden termination and then want to know what specific incident that was. Not that this matters and I’m not sure if it’s a coincendence or not, but the individuals who have asked the more direct stuff and referred me on have all been psychologists. The individuals who seem to be less pokey are LMHCs or LMFTs. The thing is, I really would like to work with a psychologist. I would be fine working with a LMFT/LMHC too, but it has been really difficult finding anyone with that credential and have experience working with personality disorders.

I have a session booked with a psychologist for this week and will hopefully be meeting with another one as well, if she has availability. They both seem extremely qualified but I’m really scared and anxious about “scaring” them away too. I also want to add that it has been very difficult (near impossible) to find providers who are taking new clients, so while I do understand that “fit” is important, being referred on is very discouraging.

Remember, you have every right to ask questions of your own! You're looking for a pretty sturdy person, and I think you have the right to spell that out.

[SalingerEsme]

You always have the right to disclose at your own speed / pace. How about upping the level of questions you ask them, and bring a list of what you are looking for in a psychologist so that the tide turns back to how it should be- the client assessing for fit. Say you are looking for someone who is skilled in whatever your problem of origin is- I would mention anything about stalking ( which I do NOT think you did anyway to your old T). Just the fact you are moving forward and moving on in this way is fantastic . Try to write a solid list of sensible questions, so they don't have that much time to question you?

Originally Posted by justbreathe1994

Hey all, for those of you who know my history, I was wondering if you had any advice on what/how much to disclose in my first therapy appointment, specifically in regards to how it ended with my last therapist. I have been struggling because as you know, many of the providers I’ve met with have referred me out as soon as I disclose what happened. At times, it also has come up because they ask pointed/direct questions - they usually assume a specific incident caused the sudden termination and then want to know what specific incident that was. Not that this matters and I’m not sure if it’s a coincendence or not, but the individuals who have asked the more direct stuff and referred me on have all been psychologists. The individuals who seem to be less pokey are LMHCs or LMFTs. The thing is, I really would like to work with a psychologist. I would be fine working with a LMFT/LMHC too, but it has been really difficult finding anyone with that credential and have experience working with personality disorders.

I have a session booked with a psychologist for this week and will hopefully be meeting with another one as well, if she has availability. They both seem extremely qualified but I’m really scared and anxious about “scaring” them away too. I also want to add that it has been very difficult (near impossible) to find providers who are taking new clients, so while I do understand that “fit” is important, being referred on is very discouraging.

[here today]

If the T asks, as far as I'm concerned it was just that the T felt you violated a boundary and terminated you. A could follow up to the question if asked would be for you to ask if the T can be careful, if you work together, to please be very careful about clarifying what he/she feels is a boundary in advance.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Maybe just start off by talking about your general issues that brought you to therapy in the first place? When you start feeling more comfortable or trusting, you can talk about ending with your last T. Or not, its up to you.

Btw I don’t know if this is helpful or not, the t who hurt me so much was a psychologist. Very very into labels, time limits (and sadly, into himself.. I’m sure they aren’t all like that)

[ArtleyWilkins]

I don't think I've ever discussed my former therapy with a new therapist. I always just went in starting fresh. I don't even recall a therapist ever asking me any specifics about former therapy; they also seemed to want to get to know me from their own perspective.

Perhaps go in with a discussion of exactly what you would like to work on in therapy with this therapist. Now, if your past therapy experience is one of those issues, then I'm not sure how you can avoid talking to the new therapist about it, but perhaps you could reframe the issue. Are the problems you ran into with your therapist in some way similar to other relationship issues you've had in your life? Is there a common thread there that you want to address? That might be a truly productive way to start establishing some goals to work on with this new therapist.

[SlumberKitty]

Maybe just say you want/need to find a new therapist to work with without saying why at first. If pressed, you could always say, "It was time to move on." I don't think that's lying, it's just not going into detail. I hope you can find someone to work with that will be good and helpful for you. Kit

No one spills all in their first appointment, there is simply too much to tell of our topsy-turvy lives.

[Fuzzybear]

I wish I knew how to evaluate Mental fitness in these people. I’m sending hugs.

[Wonderfalls]

I think if you had any choice an older seen-it-all therapist would be less likely to be "scared off". I agree too with the posters here that you're entitled to a vague allusion to your former therapy on what's after all a chance for you to evaluate them.