Couch 181: The Symmetrical Couch

Argh. 6 more hours of work. Great. (Sarcasm) Kit.

3 for me. Sigh.

I was full of hatred for my job so made an appointment to meet with my advisor. He's a basically nice guy so I thought it might help. But his advice was basically, "try to feel less frustrated" which was, like, the opposite of helpful.

Maybe I am so full of poisonous hatred that I catch people off guard and make them say stupid things, or maybe I am not able to appreciate the non-stupid things they do say through the black lens of misery.

Or maybe people say stupid things when they don’t know what else to say?

((chihiro))

People just manage to say stupid sh** all the time. It's not you, promise.

To me you don't sound poisonous so much as bone tired. When you're in that spot empty "solutions" aren't helpful.

Puppy needs surgery. Her shin bone moved and is sticking up. That's another $5k we don't have If only we could sell our house...or H gets a job.

You need a new GP.

An hour and a half left of work...an hour and a half left of boredom...bleh. Kit.

When I get home from work, I'm gonna hold my kitty. I called my Mom at lunch and she said she held kitty for half an hour and kitty wanted to get down and explore. I think this is a good sign. Kit.

Sounds like a good sign.

We are supposed to get snow. Good god.

I love snow.

I think I’m going to break out the owl onesie for the winter.

Sounds like a good idea.

Snow. Blech. I hope it's short-lived.

Owl onesies may be even more unsettling than snow.

That should keep the pigeons off your gazebo!

i love snow too. too bad i live in the south.

Missed about 20 couches I think. My visit with mom in Texas went well. I started tapering down my therapy in preparation for moving to two sessions a month instead of weekly.

Right now we meet weekly but only for 30 minutes. Had a great session yesterday but afterwards I went into a tailspin. I just felt so close to her in session and then so utterly alone afterwards. I was questioning whether the relationship was real or if I was just imagining things. Like the whole thing is an illusion...the relationship, the caring feelings from my T, the improvements I've made, everything felt like a cruel lie.

I called my T in the middle of the night because I was really struggling with . She got the message in the morning and called me. It was a good conversation. She asked what I needed from her and I said I needed to know the relationship was real; she responded without hesitating that it was very much real. That helped, to hear that.

But then that dark part of me begins to doubt her word. Like, that's what she has to say, right? I try to comfort myself with the fact that she's never lied to me.

Oh and my doctor wants to do a hysterectomy because I have hyperplasia and I found out today I have ovarian cysts too. Scared of surgery right now.

Last night, I dreamt that I had moved to a new house in another part of my state. It was a beautiful sunny day, I was sitting outside my lovely new home looking at the trees. Then I remembered there would be snow in the winter. All winter. So I started making plans to move back.

I like snow for a few days. Make a snowman, have a snowball fight with the boys, drink my coffee and watch the snow fall-just enough that I don't have to go to work....then it can go away and I am good until the next year.

Has she ever said something just to placate you? Or has your experience been that she says what she means/believes? This may help you trust her words more.

Left my dog at my mom's last night, took a night to worry about just me. It was very weird but nice. I miss him tons though

Got out of bed to get my hair cut, made big mental plans to clean all the things, but came right back to my bed. I don't know if it's depression so much as pure laziness. I have to do better, my oldest is moving out next weekend, so the cooking and cleaning will not magically get done while I'm isolating myself.

((Stressed))

i couldn’t sleep last night. Now I can’t stop yawning. I’m sitting in the recliner doing very important things like finding out which muppet I am (Kermit) and talking to the dog.

It’s chilly today. I think I will find my wool socks and turn on the fireplace.

Is it wrong or disrespectful not to thank a veteran for their service? I’m currently in a disagreement with someone IRL who thinks it’s rude and disrespectful not to. I’m just wondering what others think...