[imnotbroken]

I know I'm a bit early, but I was thinking of the Holidays approaching in a little over a month, and how it is a time of gift-giving to those you care for.

When it comes to T, what is your view on gift-giving? Is it a boundary crossing, since the therapeutic relationship is not the same as one has with friends/family members? I've been thinking about this topic.

I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking of getting my T something simple, not anything extravagant and expensive, like, I don't know, a box of cookies/chocolate along with a card thanking her for being there for the past 2 years? But also I'm thinking she might not accept it and then it would be awkward.

Have you ever given something like this to your T? How did they respond? Really need some advice. Good idea or bad idea?

[ArtleyWilkins]

Something that simple would probably be appropriate. It is not unusual for people to give these kinds of simple gifts to a variety of service providers: teachers, doctors, nurses, postal carriers, etc. Personally, a therapist who wouldn't accept something that small has a stick up his ***. LOL! That said, some therapists have a stick up their ***, so if you are in doubt, you might want to ask about boundaries concerning small gifts of appreciation for Christmas.

Larger, more expensive gifts, I totally understand the boundaries for.

Only once did I give a therapist a gift. I think it was around Christmas although that was sort of coincidental. It was not entirely inexpensive but I wouldn't call it extravagant either. I happened upon something that just sort of spoke to me as completely symbolic of the work we were doing together, and I couldn't pass it up. It was hilarious when he opened it because I didn't have to explain the symbolism at all; he completely got it right away. He graciously accepted it and it still sits in his office. In my case, I knew he would accept it because he has quite a few gifts of varying types from clients in his office -- we had actually talked about them previously because some of them are rather amusing.

[circlesincircles]

I made my T a handmade gift a few years ago. She kept it in her office for awhile, but then moved offices, so I'm not sure where it is now. She accepted it, but not without the obligatory exploration of why I was giving it to her.

I would hope that a small gift like the one you described would be received with grace.

[DP_2017]

Generally most don't accept them unless they are free or cheap.

You have to ask your therapist their rules on this. Each is different.

I personally find it ridiculous to limit gifts but I find many t rules ridiculous.

I am only giving a card, like last year

I'd imagine a box of chocolates would be fine

[SarahSweden]

I don´t see this is wrong nor right as I see you should follow your heart in this but also be aware about why you want to give your T a gift. I would also find it wise to think about or to write down how you think you´ll react to probable scenarios like the therapist not accepting your gift. I would also contemplate about how such a gift giving will affect your sessions with her.

I´m myself very wary about things like those as I know the potential hurt in all this. But that of course depends on how you are as a person, some would perhaps just accept the therapist not accepting a gift if that happened.

I had thoughts about giving my T a gift before summer, also something simple like a nice box of tea bags or similar but I didn´t. To me the crucial part in deciding whether go give my T a gift or not was the realisation that giving a gift would be much more important to me than it would be for her to receiving a gift from me.

Originally Posted by imnotbroken

I know I'm a bit early, but I was thinking of the Holidays approaching in a little over a month, and how it is a time of gift-giving to those you care for.

When it comes to T, what is your view on gift-giving? Is it a boundary crossing, since the therapeutic relationship is not the same as one has with friends/family members? I've been thinking about this topic.

I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking of getting my T something simple, not anything extravagant and expensive, like, I don't know, a box of cookies/chocolate along with a card thanking her for being there for the past 2 years? But also I'm thinking she might not accept it and then it would be awkward.

Have you ever given something like this to your T? How did they respond? Really need some advice. Good idea or bad idea?

I've always given my long term Ts a small gift and card every year.

Keep in mind that you cannot set another person's boundary for them. You can only set your own, so unless your T told you otherwise, your act of giving the gift wouldn't cross her boundary. Her boundary would be receiving or accepting the gift or related actions. People, including Ts, often seem to be confused about this, so what I'm trying to say is giving the gift is your boundary and decision, not hers.

Personally though I realize people may have their reasons, I think that the concept of Ts not accepting (small/inexpensive) gifts is rather wacko.

Cookies/chocolates and a card sounds like a thoughtful gift. I would just wary of any dietary restrictions or preferences (ie allergies, vegan, sugar, gluten).

My therapist and I do a lot of heavy trauma work. We are always ready for something fun for a break. We like to give each other birthday and Christmas presents. We buy/ make each other many little things, not one big things. I did get her a laptop once, but that has been the only bigger thing. It is fun for us to search for things the other one would like.

[piggy momma]

Something like a box of chocolates should be fine. I’m going to give my T a card and a bottle of wine.

[Rive1976]

I gave my old T a homemade ornament one year. She was not impressed so I havent done it with any Ts since.

[imnotbroken]

One of the main issues I can think of at the moment, about giving my T a holiday gift, would be my strong attachment towards her, and that's probably why I want to give her something I believe she would enjoy (a baked good or sth).

But I'm also afraid of her declining it, saying she cannot accept it due to safety concerns, or something else. That would be terrible.

I was initially thinking, if I decided towards giving her the holiday gift, that I wanted it to be a surprise, but now I'm thinking it's best to talk to her in advance if I make up my mind. I still have 3 weeks before I go on my holiday break, and I won't see her til mid January (it's almost Summer here, and she's going to take the first couple weeks of the new year off.) so I still have some time to think this through.

[growlycat]

I ask t’s gift giving policy in advance. Most t’s accept cards and handmade gifts. My current t will accept anything under 50 dollars which is higher than other t’s I’ve had.

[Firewoodguy]

I was just thinking about sending something via mail with no return address and a generic note. I don't want recognition for the gift at all, but I want her to know I appreciate her. Only problem is I dont know how much info she shares with other clients if its not much then I'm sure she'll know who sent it (what I'm thinking is very relevant to a hobby of hers). I also suspect I'm the only client she has in my region so I probably need someone else to mail it for me.

Or I could just not. Thats a lot of effort!

[nottrustin]

I bought gifts for T..usually a gift card for her favorite restaurant. But sometimes home baked goods. The first time she mentioned that some therapists feel it is not appropriate but she understood where it was coming from. So she was okay with it as long as I didn't feel obligated to give her a gift.

A part of me wants to do something for EMDR T but mor sure where she stands yet...so not sure about this year.

[velcro003]

if i ever were to give T a gift, it would be something handmade. She mentioned once, that as a rule most T's don't accept gifts, but I have a feeling she would accept a small painting or card or something.

[junkDNA]

t has given me many gifts and I have given t many gifts. we've been working together for 8 years though so it's slacked off on both sides

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Dnester

I gave my old T a homemade ornament one year. She was not impressed so I havent done it with any Ts since.

This just reminded me that a couple of years ago T made her clients a handmade ornament.....

[SlumberKitty]

I gave my former T of 10 years handmade cards every year at Christmas. I didn't get her a present at that point but I did give her presents at a few crucial times in our relationship. She accepted them and was most gracious about the ones at the end when she was sick with MS. I plan to give current T a regular from the box card. We haven't gotten to that personal handmade stage yet.

[coolibrarian]

I won't see my T around the holidays this year, as she is out on medical leave until after January 1. I plan to send her some nice cards.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

I won't see my T around the holidays this year, as she is out on medical leave until after January 1. I plan to send her some nice cards.

I think that's nice.

[coolibrarian]

Dnester, how did you know your old T was "not impressed?" If that happened to me, I would be so hurt.

[WishfulThinker66]

Definitely a no-no for me.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by coolibrarian

I won't see my T around the holidays this year, as she is out on medical leave until after January 1. I plan to send her some nice cards.

As much as I dislike the idea of "limiting" what people want to give, I really love cards and drawings etc most. All these years later, it's what I've saved and remembered from people. I couldn't even tell you half the actual gifts I've been given an who gave them

I think this is a lovely idea! Much appreciated by her too I'm sure. Sucks she has such a long leave though