Couch 182: Spiced Gingerbread.

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Yup, Lemon, time to start studying otology.

Which is obviously not otiose.

Unlike the Ottoman Empire.

Super crappy day today. My youngest is sick with a fever and cough that I seem to be catching now. My stupid cycle started and I started Cymbalta today so I've been feeling horrible all day long. We had electricians here for 8 hours today without power...thankfully it was 60 today so we didn't need the heat on. One good thing I'm looking forward to is seeing Trans Siberian Orchestra on Sunday.

Argh my ex turne dup unanounced but he did bring the old family dog who i thought was going to stay over night with me, but it turns out he is staying with the ex's friend. I miss my boy with his broken tail and sily smile. Also my mammogram was awful and one of my breasts still hurts. At least they have plastic plates with rounded edges now so my skin is still intact.

Hugs for everyone having crappy days

I already have three exams this winter: Stomatology, Pharmacology and props of surgery.

But think we could start something there!

But my current ongoing research lies on the impact of cinnamon swirls consumption and tracing the impact in my moods.

Wishing little shehulk a speedy recovery.

Could you try to take a little time out for yourself and just rest in bed for a few moments with a soft blanket?

I googled otisose. I like learn new words here.

Have you taken anything for the pain?

I might be a bit of a potato here, but I just acted like I wasn't in and didn't answer the door when someone turned up without an invite.

Could you ask to have the dog for a bit?

I know this is me possibly acting out, but where I am now I just feel so trapped in my relationship with R.

I don't want to see him on tuesday and emailed him at 12 yesterday telling him so. I'm not saying he hasn't helped me, but I'm tired of this pull-push effect that I have.

Five more cliched movies for you DP.

1.A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding- netflix from november 30th



2.A Cinderella Christmas.



3.A Princess For Christmas



4.Snowmance



5.A Christmas Switch



And something for @@:

Maniac with Emma Stone. (netflix)

For everyone else:

Benedict Cumberbatch Teaches How to React to Bad Xmas Gifts

Hugs, hope your youngest and you feel better soon. Do you also feel really wiped out the first couple days of your cycle? I tend to feel like I've been given a sleeping pill or something--mine also started yesterday and I fell asleep at like 9:30 last night, which is early for me.

LOL Lemon, you are so kind

I don't like the royal/princess stuff at all. I have seen Christmas Switch but not the other one, I can try it sometime. Thanks

During our weekly check in, my T told me something that has been bothering me like crazy since. I realize with the relationship we have, with me allowing him to share so much, this could happen sometimes, but it's not his fault. I've never really talked about my issue that has caused this reaction.

On the one hand, I'm glad it wasn't what I was thinking but on the other hand, my jealousy has gone through the roof again. I wish I knew how to get this jealousy stuff under control. It's haunted me my whole life

I haven’t had a cycle in 3 years-my docs just keep me in a menopause like state with just taking BC pills continuously (no sugar pill week. Just go straight into the next pack) but I do recall when I used to get it I would be utterly exhausted for the first few days.

I'm just really numb. I think negative (some ridiculous) thoughts all the time. It is not a choice. Then I make connections from the negative thoughts/perceptions about who I am. I don't know how to stop. My darkness had led me to some really low places. I don't want to hurt anyone else who is near me. It's kind of like I'm so negative that I'm not in touch with reality. I'm not doing this to stay sick, in fact, I am sick to death of it. It's built a prison around me and I feel afraid and I don't feel free. I have some kind of emotional buildup within that I can't let go of and it drives me crazy. uhhh. I feel like I am running around with this toxicity. I read a post on here and tried something that makes me tremor, and that actually helps a little at this point. I can't live like this anymore. I feel horrible about who I am. And I can't help it. I am so exhausted literally. I say I can't live like this anymore, but I am trapped inside of myself and don't know what to do.
I am not living my life. I am trying to be normal every day so I can work, so I can appear as if I am a viable human being. Which I am not. My intense desire to escape this madness is becoming greater than my desire and ability to tolerate this life and keep going on. This is my real experience and these are facts. I'm not looking for attention because I "seem" better. I wish I was. I am lacking an integrated self. Or I have a malevolent self inside of me. This is MY truth. This is My reality.

I'm still fretting so much over some online friends of mine who I still haven't been able to contact, reason why I'm fretting so much for their safety is

The majority of the country isn't on fire so unless they live in that area I'm sure they are fine.

Just waved goodbye to my oldest daughter, she'll be pulling into her new home in around an hour. I refuse to cry.

I know for certain at least one of them lives in the immediate path of the fire, idk about the other two, my geography is complete crap

Hello Couch!

I am having a weekend away, alone. I’ve been feeling...stuck? kind of...stagnant, not exactly in therapy itself, just in the issues I’m seeing my therapist for. On a whim, I decided to bring my journals and read through them to see if I could get myself unstuck and to get some sense of overview and closure as I move forward into the next steps.

I started my journals a couple years ago at my therapist’s suggestion, and kept going because it was helpful. I thought I’d cringe reading how stupid (can’t think of a kinder word here—naive?) I sounded in my first journal.

Instead, one of the very first things I wrote, again at my t’s suggestion, was a letter to my self. When I wrote it then and when I re-read it now, I hadn’t expected such compassion and strength to reach forward into the future. I told myself, “You can have deep faith in the love, peace and joy that the world has to offer without blinding yourself to suffering and pain.” I am left with a sense of relief and a sense of just how hard it can be to forgive oneself. (Why is that?)

Hugs to all who want or need. It is an unexpectedly gorgeous day here, so I am going to go for a walk so that I can sit in the hotel library for the rest of the afternoon without feeling guilty for not getting out into the sunshine.

Anastasia you're doing your best right now and I'm sorry your in so much pain. I opened a DBT workbook today that I've had for a while now, but not read properly. I can PM you the chapter about distracting your thoughts. Is there anything you can do to try to calm yourself down right now? Even if that is just as simple as making yourself a hot drink, and getting into bed with a soft blanket and watching stupid movies.

Do you have people you can reach out to right now? When do you see T?

I hope your friend is safe

I am just all over the place, I am just totally devastated.


T got back a few weeks ago from a six week cruise. I thought I had done well during it, but I think all-over I wasn't doing well. I do realize I rely on T too much. However, I need to reestablish that trust that I did have before he left. Of course, I've notice any little thing that might point to him leaving. Which has raised my anxiety to great height. I am trying to stay sedated, but I have not been today. I am going to focus on getting the trust back for a short while. I need things to be quiet. I am going to talk to him about all of this. I think that I definitely can get help elsewhere, like here, in between sessions. I am so tired. I will probably go an watch a movie or something. And get a White Russian, or two. That should help Thanks to all who helped

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