[justbreathe1994]

I’m sorry for the overposting these days, but I am still struggling and this is one of the few things that makes the pain I’m feeling a tiny bit less overwhelming. This is mostly a venting post. I feel so ashamed of how attached to ex T I was. The truth is, I’m afraid I’ll never be happy without her. I loved her and connecting with her felt unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It was ecstasy. Like an overwhelming dose of oxytocin filled my body at once. I know that how unhealthy that sounds, but I don’t know how to live without it. I know that there was a good chance the rollercoaster I was on was not going to end and I’d be living in those ups and downs and long as I was with her. I’d like to beleive I would’ve made it through at some point in working with her, but I just don’t know. I miss her. I keep going in circles in my mind, hoping she’ll take me back and then feeling like there’s no way she ever will after what I did. I wish my only hope for happiness didn’t rely on her taking me back because I know that true happiness must come within me and without her. I just feel like there is a void inside me that will only go away if she is back in my life or if I find someone to replace her.

[Amyjay]

That sounds so painful to have your entire existence dependent on this level of attachment to another. Between the lines here I read that it doesn't actually matter who the other person is, as long as you can feel that the void is filled. I say that with compassion. It sounds so very painful.

[Waterloo12345]

Also post away as often as you need

Nevers a long time. There comes a time when whatever we're feeling stops, working for us and we step outside of that into something else.
Maybe you're not ready yet.

No worries about overposting. It’s helpful for you and you should do it until you feel you don’t have to anymore.

As you know, I went through something very similar. Except I lost many, many more years of my life with the painful obsession. For me it didn’t go away, and I’m telling you this because certain schools of thought would have you believe if you could only have stuck with it and worked harder, or if she would only have taken you back, things would have worked out in the end. The awful truth is that nobody knows :/ For me, living like an emotional prisoner over many years became absolute hell and I wish that my therapist, instead of selfishly soaking up my adoration, would have done the right thing and referred me on. What happened to me was not therapy... it was something else.

Part of me wants to dissuade you from hoping to connect with her someday, but maybe you just need to hold on to that a little longer. Despite everything I’ve gone through, from time to time I still think back to my years in therapy looking for signs of caring. I hold some faint hope that she will send me an email or a letter giving me some kind of closure or a kinder ending, or make sense of everything. For me, it’s a dream of being saved by a hero from the pains of life.

Hang in there. The pain fades. Hopefully you were able to get out of the situation where you ran into her from time to time. If not, it may take a little longer.

Wishing you hope and healing!

[SalingerEsme]

Your journey has been really painful. I don't believe you did something very horrible, or in itself cause for such a sudden termination. It also seems like the dietician plays a dubious role in the communications. I wish you could find a new dietician, to get away from the reminders and a new T. I wonder if your T had been thinking for a while she wasn't helping you. My close friend is a clinical psychologist , and she went to a conference on the shame some T's hold when they fail to help. I d believe you can move on fro this place of focus on your ex T, but you're going to need devoted relational experience with someone else to do it. Do you have a dog or cat? Part of the obsession might possibly stem from the power imbalance? It is a very strange thing when an essentially human relationship has a power imbalance built in, and it is a scary feeling being on the out-of-control end?

[Taylor27]

Hugs what your going through is normal. For me it's been 9 years since my first t dump me out of no where one night it took along time for me to go through a day without thinking about her. I still miss her terribly. It took me a long time to not wish my t back and it took lots of support from my t who i have now to listen and vent about her. Be kind to yourself and it will take time everyone is different. Hugs