Couch 183: Stroopwafel salted caramel.

Dec 11, 2018, 03:10 AM

I miss all sorts of people who used to be in my life and i just pushed them away.

Dec 11, 2018, 03:11 AM

I am supposed to engage with tis guilt/shame thing. Its so big. I feel like microbe in its presence.

Has anyone else looked at their shame?

Echos Myron redux · Dec 11, 2018, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I am supposed to engage with tis guilt/shame thing. Its so big. I feel like microbe in its presence.

Has anyone else looked at their shame?

I do in therapy because it's such a big part of my process. I mostly look at how it emerges in the here-and-now of the relationship with my T. The idea is eventually to make concrete links with my past, but I think it has to be approached in the context of the relationship initially because otherwise I would collapse under the weight of it I think.

Dec 11, 2018, 03:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

I do in therapy because it's such a big part of my process. I mostly look at how it emerges in the here-and-now of the relationship with my T. The idea is eventually to make concrete links with my past, but I think it has to be approached in the context of the relationship initially because otherwise I would collapse under the weight of it I think.

It has taken us 8 years to get the place where my T can bring up the concept of shame. I have spent 8 years not alking about it.
I think i would collapse undrr it too. Maybe i needed that time to make sure my T was up for the job.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Wow, what a twist! I wonder how long it took them to come up with that one?

I do watch formulaic stuff...I just prefer dark formulaic stuff.

There's nothing I like on at the moment- I got to season 6 of Grey's but don't feel like it right now. Just waiting for game of thrones, how to get away with murder and the dark.

I'm switching to audiobooks to fill up my time.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I miss all sorts of people who used to be in my life and i just pushed them away.

Ho hum same thing here- with my old best friends.I didn't know how to fix it, so I let it be which just created distance between us.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

"While insisting that he was not intoxicated, the senator could not explain his nudity."

This reminds me of a Little Britain sketch:

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I am so sorry for all the bad things i have done. Just had to get that out. Just general guilt and angst charging about

If you could have done better you would have done better. Your doing your best and everyone has things they're not proud of.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

It has taken us 8 years to get the place where my T can bring up the concept of shame. I have spent 8 years not alking about it.
I think i would collapse undrr it too. Maybe i needed that time to make sure my T was up for the job.

I agree with you- I think you needed that time in between to get to where you are right now.

Dec 11, 2018, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Whisper - five would want you to look after yourself. You do deserve self-care.

Three's the voice in my head though and three says five is a liar liar pants on fire

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 04:55 AM

I'm proud of the fact that I went gym this morning despite not feeling like it.

I bought myself a chocolate croissant and flowers on the way back.

Today is supposed to be a study day. I haven't even started yet.

Dec 11, 2018, 05:02 AM

Funny how a cup of strong sweet tea can make you feel better.

Dec 11, 2018, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I'm proud of the fact that I went gym this morning despite not feeling like it.

I bought myself a chocolate croissant and flowers on the way back.

Today is supposed to be a study day. I haven't even started yet.

You will get to the studying and you will take in more because you are feeling good about the gym.

unaluna · Dec 11, 2018, 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I am supposed to engage with tis guilt/shame thing. Its so big. I feel like microbe in its presence.

Has anyone else looked at their shame?

Geez. It was my parents favorite disciplinary weapon. Like they didnt know any other english word to say to me. Who could live with that kind of pressure without cracking?

Dec 11, 2018, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Geez. It was my parents favorite disciplinary weapon. Like they didnt know any other english word to say to me. Who could live with that kind of pressure without cracking?

Yes but did you know that was shame? We have never discussed shame because I didn't know what the feeling of wanting to disappear was. I only just realised the other day in session

unaluna · Dec 11, 2018, 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Yes but did you know that was shame? We have never discussed shame because I didn't know what the feeling of wanting to disappear was. I only just realised the other day in session

Youre right, i didnt. For me it was a caving in feeling in my chest. I can see myself in my longterm ts office, talking about it. But i didnt read about it until like 20 years later.

Gershen Kaufman, books on Shame

Dec 11, 2018, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

oooh right up my alley.

I watched a bunch of episodes last night after dinner. Surprised I didn't have nightmares last night! It's soooo good!

I just woke up and I think I'll shower and be at the hotel's free breakfast right at 6:30 when it starts then check out n go home and do some cleaning today. I had a super relaxing 2 nights, back to the crazy work hours tomorrow though!

LostOnTheTrail · Dec 11, 2018, 06:32 AM

Did you get anywhere with the poem, Art?

Dec 11, 2018, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail

Did you get anywhere with the poem, Art?

Not the poem, no. But it did morph into 3 pages of journaling about my feelings surrounding son moving out and stuff. So that was good too and now that I've put that down on paper maybe I can finish the poem I started!

Dec 11, 2018, 07:58 AM

I’m kicked out of work again today because of this crappy cold. I go back tomorrow.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 3

I’m kicked out of work again today because of this crappy cold. I go back tomorrow.

How long have you had it for, usually it's around a week to recover- so not long hopefully left.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 08:53 AM

Una I know you would be proud of me= I'm actually turning up to session.

2 hours and 8 mins.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

You will get to the studying and you will take in more because you are feeling good about the gym.

Pharmacology is long and slow.I'ts taken me more than 2 hours to cover 2 pages on clearance. I work better when I have a set deadline to cram by.

Lemoncake · Dec 11, 2018, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Also, now seeing my T tomorrow afternoon instead of Wednesday morning. Ex-MC rupture anniversary stuff. T's (brief and free) email reply to my distress about it was very validating and supportive. And in there he offered to switch session to a day earlier.

Nothing in response from ex-MC, which is likely for the better? Though I imagine he'll say something, based on the couple other emails I've sent him since termination.

I hope your session goes well.

How do you feel about MC's lack of reply?