[anxiousbaker]

I have a hard time sharing difficult experiences (who doesn't, right?). I generally gloss over them with both people in my life and with my T - who, however, usually realizes when I'm avoiding an issue and gently pushes me to talk. Some things I have been able to share with T, with great difficulty, and they have become a crucial part of our sessions. We revisit them, make connections with what is happening to me in the present moment, and so on. With one in particular, however - old, repressed grief that has started "bothering" me again in the last couple of years - this hasn't happened.
During a session about 9 months ago, I finally mentioned this trauma (I guess I can call it that?) to T. It was a very unpleasant experience for me, one that I wouldn't necessarily enjoy repeating. However, that session and the couple of sessions where we briefly mentioned it again have brought me some amount of peace of mind. I know this trauma has played a huge role in my life, and I think talking about it in therapy would help. But she never brought it up again, and I don't feel like doing it myself. As I said, it is very painful and I hate getting emotional or too vulnerable in therapy. It's not that I don't trust my T enough, I definitely do, it's just... too much? And I am also insecure bringing it up again, because if she isn't doing that, maybe it means it's not that relevant therapy-wise. On the other hand, sometimes I realize I'm talking about something unimportant during a session, and think I should just take advantage of therapy to talk about things that really matter (like this issue). I don't know what to think.
Has anything similar ever happened to you? Perhaps she is not talking about it for a therapeutic reason and I should just go with it. What do you think?

[DP_2017]

I struggle to share deep things. I am a massive avoider in therapy. (My poor T, he has such amazing patience)

I bring notes all the time to use to go off, sometimes I write out like a letter and read them there. It's much easier doing it that way. could be worth trying?

[Salmon77]

My understanding is that therapists often think it is up to the client to decide what to talk about, especially with difficult or sensitive issues. If you won't bring it up yourself then they think you may not feel ready to discuss that. So if you want to talk about it, you have to bring it up rather than waiting to be asked.

[piggy momma]

Your T is probably waiting for you to bring it up. She is likely assuming that if you haven’t it either isn’t important or you’re not ready. My last T was really good at pushing but would also say “when you’re ready you’ll talk about it”.

I sincerely wish they were mind readers. It would make our sessions so much easier (and probably productive).

[nottrustin]

I really struggle with this. What worked with me with T is I would email her ahead of time telling here that I know I needed to discuss the issue with her but could not bring it up so could she. It worked really well. I suspect I could text EMDR t if needed. I have brought her in a note to read which also worked.

[LonesomeTonight]

Many T's follow the client-led therapy approach, where they won't bring up a topic unless a client does first. So it could be a case of that. My current T does not follow that approach, which I appreciate, because I also sometimes avoid difficult topics. Could you just ask your T what their approach is with that? And say maybe you need help sometimes bringing up difficult topics?

ETA: I second what Nottrustin said about sometimes emailing in advance to bring up difficult topic. Even just something like "There's something I want to discuss but I'm afraid to bring it up--could you help me with that?" could work if you don't want to mention actual topic. And if your T doesn't allow email, maybe writing/printing something out and handing it to them at the start of session?

[Llama_Llama44]

This sounds like the kind of thing that I struggle with, too. What I have done before, which you might want to try, is saying something like "I have this thing to talk about, but I am scared to bring it up" or "I know we should talk about X, but I don't really WANT to".

You could also straight out ask your T about this topic of bringing stuff up. I have before, but he still makes me do my own work most of the time :P

[weaverbeaver]

I am thinking of what Babette Rothschild says, that we first need to learn to put on the breaks, in relation to trauma. Perhaps this is about pacing or it could be that your t is avoiding the subject because it touches her own process - counter transference.

[Seelenna1982]

My T always says to trust the timing of the process.... that she will not ask me to share a trauma with her because I will when I’m ready. And even if I’m frustrated wanting myself to bring something up but can’t, that time with the frustration is valuable because at some point I’ll realize that what I’m doing isn’t working and something has to change.

I have a lot of traumas to work on. I’m often very frustrated because I’m terrible at talking period! But we’re finding ways to be more comfortable together and I do share more with her some sessions than others.

Sometimes I’ll write things down or email her that I need her to push me in a certain way and that helps. But usually if I’m pushed too hard, I slam on the brakes for the whole session and get really weird.
Id talk about the struggle you’re having and I hope you and your T can work out a way to work around your current limitations. Maybe be patient with yourself. This work is hard!

[daisysdontquit]

Like everyone else said, she might be waiting for you to bring it up. My therapist doesn't push at all. If I end a conversation it's rare for him to bring it up again. It's rare for him to ask questions to go deeper into a topic. He relies on me to do that which means sometimes we don't get as deep as I want. Like you I get stuck wondering if he's not asking because he thinks is not important, or if he's not asking because he doesn't want to push me.

[anxiousbaker]

Hey all, thank you for the kind replies You were right, I found the courage to talk about the issue again today, because the timing felt right - I made a connection with something that's currently happening, and my T immediately picked up on it and took notes. She remembered everything about it as well - don't know why I thought otherwise. I do feel a lot of shame right now, though, that typical cringy feeling I get when I feel like I overshared. But she's my therapist so I know it doesn't make sense. Sometimes I worry about what T thinks of me. I have this irrational fear that she thinks I'm abnormal or overreacting but won't tell me. Oh well. I'll try to stay positive until next week and see where we go from here.

[nottrustin]

Congrats for being able to take that step I am sure it was hard bur you did it.