Ultimatum for T

I'm not saying it's impossible to make sense of those things and resolve them eventually but according to my experience it takes a wise and knowledgeable T who has the patient to wait it all to roll out.

It certainly is impossible if the client is unwilling to even try. While it may be considered supportive to encourage someone to stay entrenched exactly where they are, I don't find it helpful for others to collude in my avoidance of change.

My intent is not to be critical of the way you are doing therapy, and I see it as positive that your therapy is allowing you to explore previously difficult emotions. I'm not sure of the value of expressing emotions for the sake of doing it differently, as opposed to expressing emotions in the direction of the way you want to go-- as in, openly and honestly and constructively, like a functional and healthy adult. What you're doing would definitely not work for me.

I think your frustration may lie in refusing to give up the fantasy that he's going to return to responding to your email. I think even if you had asked directly rather than "strongly implied", which may just be a euphemism for "attempt to manipulate", I doubt he would do it. He said he's not going to reply. What is different now that would change his mind, especially over email? Why not address it in session and see if you can come to a different agreement?

In my experience, my heightened or overreacting emotional state has been greatly assisted by going to a session. It seems to me that part of the learning here is to use sessions rather than emails to regulate your emotional response. Why not go to your session and talk about how you can contain your emotions? That seems like a better use of your money rather than skipping and paying for it anyway.

I'm not OP but I've experienced the dynamic that she describes (or at least something very similar).

Why not address it in session? Because for some reason it just seems to be impossible. I might go into session with the full intent of addressing it all but then some automatic dynamics just take it over and things go the way they go. At least for me those things are not under conscious control and that's the reason they cannot be addressed cognitively.

I'm not saying it's impossible to make sense of those things and resolve them eventually but according to my experience it takes a wise and knowledgeable T who has the patient to wait it all to roll out. In my opinion the OP and her T are doing great work right now, with optimal pace and I'm pretty sure that one day it all pays off. But the process is what it is, it will be dictated by the OPs unconscious dynamics and the process takes as long as it takes, there's no way to rush it.

I now worry that I did manipulate him into responding with my sob story of how he left me alone with my intense emotions, blah, blah, blah, and I feel bad about that.