The light bulb finally lit up!

My T asked me Why do you think you are who you are. Poof the light bulb finally came on after so many years.

1. If you cry I will give you something to cry about (parents)
2. You never do anything right. You screw up everything (parents-somethings I screwed up did not even invole me, but it was my fault)
3. You are not college material, you will fail out in your first semester. (high school teacher- I had a 4.0 my first semester thank you very much.)
4.You can't be in the play because you are not smart enough and will forget the words. (second grade teacher)
5. You can't do a sewing project for mothers day, because you are in the slower reading group. You guys in the slow group may hurt yourselves. (third grade teacher- you know what I was smart, actually found out later in life that I am gifted and that is why I did not fit in so well.)
6. You should switch majors because you will never make it as a performer.( No you should stop making all of your students cry on a weekly basis. Plus I am double majoring in pre med. I don't plan on performing, just majoring in it for fun.)
7. You can't have the applications for scholarships because you don't qualify. (***** HS counselor- I snuck in her office, took one off her desk and guess what I got a 400$ book scholarship.)
8. No body cares if you kill yourself, we don't want selfish people around and you will soon be forgotten.(So called therapy group leader- how does she even have a job still I don't know)
9. If you are going to cut then just don't cut too deep. (crisis line worker- she actually got promoted after I reported this)
10. My best friend who thinks I am asleep having sex in the floor with the guy I was seeing.
11. Police sent to my house for suicide attempt saying we don't have time for this bull %#@&#!, there are people really worth saving out there that need us. (So then *&^%ing let me die)
12. My best friend tells me I wish you were dead don't talk to me, look at me, ect..... (I tried to die, heart actually stopped, thank God I survived, for now I see what I would have missed )

Number eight an on occured after I seeked treatment. Everything else lead to my troubles.

I thank God everyday that I somehow made it through my life so far. I am glad he saved me on my suicide attempts because I would have never seen my daughter or husband who I love to death.

twirls...........I am very glad you did too.

> No body cares if you kill yourself, we don't want selfish people around and you will soon be forgotten.(So called therapy group leader

Eeek.

Yeah, light bulb coming on for me too.

These things aren't who you are, these are things that happened to you, from the outside. This list shows you're a hard working, caring, resourceful, loving, sensitive, intelligent, (should I continue?). . . . person. Yes, reacting to this insensitive crap helped you become an overcomer and achiever, etc. but I wouldn't keep it around for anything now that you are the wonderful person you are? It's trash, baby! Garbage, even!

((((((((((((twirls))))))))))))))))))))

wow....you are amazing.....inspiring, wonderful I am so glad you posted this......

hugs, Jinnyann xxxxxxxx

((((((((((Twirls)))))))))))) It's funny how WORDS can shape a person and make them believe the lies of the words. You seem like a special and wonderful person and I'm glad you are still here. Many people are heartless and cruel just to fill the ugliness they have in their own heart, they try to steal the pure, kindness and warmth inside of that child or adult. They are trying to replace what they don't have with the good inside of you. So they have to make you hurt so bad that you believe what they say. Stay strong and keep sharing, you've helped me just now. Thanks

Thank you ((((tulips, pachyderm, perna, jinnyann, justpassingby))))

I love it that everyone is so supportive here. It was really weird how one question opened up a bunch of buried memmories. Now that I look back you would think I would want to seek some sort of revenge but I don't. I would actually like to find these people and tell them that I forgive them.

I can't believe what the police said to you

Shows there are rotton apples in every basket

But kudos for being you and being where you are despite the %#@&#! in this world

And the "therapy group leader"??? OMG

and ...... best.... friend......... sometimes I am glad I'm a bear and can express myself with gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs

Thanks (((Fuzzybear)))

The irony of the police situation is that NAMI now requires police to take training on dealing with mentally ill patients. They asked me to speak in a class to them about what works and what don't work.

Way to pull through all that! I hope that "Group Therapy Leader" gets fired. That was inexusable.