Couch 185: The Labyrinth

It's called grief... please stop telling me how to live my life. I don't need 8k people...I have plenty of people thanks.... sorry for missing someone and trying to deal with it. This is exactly why I hate posting my issues on this "support" forum.

Ugh. I did something that I am ok with but I know my spouse and current t wont be.

I follow ex t 1 Instagram and have been for 6 months ish. Anyway yesterday she put up a pic of her artwork. On impulse I commented (very benign comment about the art) and she replied.

I'm ok with the contact. Really, but I know others wont be . It's been over 3 years since she was my T. We didnt have a great ending at all and it's like I just have this need for closure between us. Some how this helps that feeling.

LT-I don’t know a whole lot about beer either. I like beer. More of the mild tasting ones. I can’t do Bud..or anything like that. But drinking beer doesn’t really get a buzz going for me. It just makes me pee like a horse.

You're not stupid at all. There's no supposed to timeline I don't think.

Jane

I see nothing wrong with it.... and if she replied, that seems good. If it works for you that's all that matters.

Apparently there is because any time I talk about what I'm feeling here, I'm met with rude comments telling me to "meet new people" as if thats the cure for everything in life. I DONT LIKE PEOPLE and I'm so confused why people can't grasp that? Even if I had new people to socialize with, after all this with T, there is no way I'd be open to being close to anyone again. People don't help me... very rarely do people matter to me this much..... most of the time I prefer being around dogs.... but I'm doing it all wrong I guess

My husband and I both FB with our old T from like 5 years ago. In fact, he’s been interacting with us a great deal since my husband’s surgery about 3 weeks ago. We did have a wonderful ending though, so there isn’t that issue, but so long as this is comfortable for you, it certainly isn’t unethical. I wouldn’t worry about what other people think; they aren’t in your shoes.

Did you read to the end of my post? Or even through the first sentence? Cuz it feels like you didnt even do that, and that wasnt my point at all.

Eta - reading your other answers - i think you need to be kind to other people, to practice being kind to other people.

No you're not. It's only been a few weeks. I think it took me a year to fully get over the ex-MC thing (well, from the rupture). It became easier over time, but it still kept upsetting me at various points. Honestly, I think the fact that I was still able to contact him just prolonged the grieving process.

Yes I did.... wasn't helpful at all

It took me a long time to get over my former T-even though I was the one who terminated. My “relationship” with her (for lack of a better term) was a lot how you describe yours with your former T. It felt very friend like. We texted nearly every day. I knew a lot about her. During the last year of therapy the conversations were always very light. I didn’t do therapy with her for that last year. I would say the only thing that got me through was time and a commitment that I would never go to therapy again. It works for me. I don’t deny that I probably need plenty more therapy and I know I have my issues and I own those issues-but I live my life everyday doing the best I can and that’s really all I can ask for for myself.
It will get easier.

I agree. I mean, right now I'm super sensitive to rude comments but in the end, the choices are all mine and I don't care what people think. The thing is, if it's not being reported anyway, it's not gonna matter. They are not walking around policing every T in the world.... they only worry about the ones who get reported and even then, they have to decide which of those reports to investigate but FB friends with a T from 5 years ago and Instagram friends with a T from 3 years ago are surely not bad things. People are people... enjoy life with who you want to.

Do it again!

Oh I know in time it will.... it's how it was with my dog... only in a weird way, this is tougher. For one, with my dog, I had 6 months to prepare for him dying, I chose when he would die and I had T there as a big support the whole time. This time, he walked away and cut me off.... I had 2 weeks and I have no real life support. I hate knowing he's out there and happy and I can't talk to him.

For some people, maybe they are fine with never speaking to their T again, and maybe in a few years time, I won't care either but I HATE when people try to squash all my hope for that. Why should I believe he lied about being so open to it? Why should I believe he is suddenly gonna be an A-hole? I never saw him as a T, I saw him as the man I got to know... and that's what I miss. I miss nothing about the therapy part. I just want him back to talk to and laugh with. Again, only time will tell, what if, anything happens in the future with us (and I sure would not post about it here) but I don't want to live with 0 hope for that. It was hard enough with KNOWING there was 0 hope of my dog and I ever hanging out again, but T is still alive....

Anyway, ya it's hard... it's worse by the day because I want more and more to tell him things and I can't. It angers me.

I guess by the end of therapy with her I was just all over the place and so was she. It's just really really nice to have this peaceful little exchange between us.

I would probably be bothered by that as well.
I totally agree that in 2 years if you still want to reach out then you should do that for yourself.

Yes, in the end, its only him and me that really get to decide what happens then.

Also... how is your dog holding up? I've been thinking of you

My dog is hanging on. She went for a short walk today. Yesterday she didn’t want to go. It’s really day to day with her. I’ll probably take her back to vet on Saturday for another evaluation.

Thanks for asking about her. Nobody IRL has asked about her.

I don't even know new cat, but I sure like her.

Ive been afraid to ask. The last thing you said was that the vet said her organs were shutting down and to bring her back the next day. That sounded final.

I wasn’t directing the comment at you guys at all. But my mom was at the vet with me last week and she didn’t ask at all about her.
You guys will be the first I tell when she’s no longer here.

Morning couch,

I'm trying to relax while a kid and H are still sleeping (Yes, at 10:30 a.m.). 1 kid isn't here, so only have to deal with 2 right now until the other wakes up.

H is moody as heck about a letter we got from the post office yesterday about our Samoyed. She keeps jumping our fence, so they stopped delivering mail to us until we do 1 of 4 things...
1) Move our mailbox to the street
2) Rent a p.o. box.
3) Construct a higher fence...which we rent so I don't know how we can do that
4) Get rid of dog

H got upset when I told him about the letter yesterday and said he'll paintball gun the post office like a child. If we choose any of the first 3 we have to make sure she stays in the yard anytime during mail hours. She's a pain because she'll jump the fence after being out for longer than a few minutes. I'd rather not get a fine by not doing any of the options. Can anyone lend some advice?

"Each praline of Swiss Luxury Selection 445g gift box has been created by Lindt's Swiss Master Chocolatier with special care and attention to detail. Experience a unique chocolate journey with those chocolate masterpieces...."

It was nice and it felt specialz. Gonna go on a journey with my chocolate

I’m so sorry. I don’t like your H very much. If he does that to the post office-that’s vandalizing a property. Seems like the easiest option is # 2. The other 2 options you have to wait on the landlord unless you buy another mail box like one of those plastic ones on a pole.

Can you collect letters from their sorting office yourselves? I don't have a dog so I don't know if this is nonsense,but could you change her routine up a little. So she still has X time outside but during delivery hours she's kept indoors?