Couch 185: The Labyrinth

Lemoncake · Dec 30, 2018, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StressedMess

I'm having a lazy day, and a thoughtful one. Since oldest daughter moved she seems to be feeling some guilt, that she's in a nice area with a nice place that is in good repair with low utility bills and feels somehow she shouldn't have left us behind. She's encouraging me to move away from the old homestead. I don't have the means to do so, but beyond that, I don't have any desire to move. I've lived here since I was 4 and there are roots running so deep that it would be painful to pull them up.

So I'm doing this thing my old counselor used to say, where I take the feelings out of the chain-wrapped mental lockbox, and examine them. This is a very uncomfortable process and I really just want to shove them back in and chain them back up and forget they exist again. But I'm trying to discover what exactly holds me here, why am I so reluctant to move on to a nicer home in a nicer area?

It feels like an obligation my father placed on me at his death and I should be chafing at the weight of it. But, for sentimental reasons and financial reasons and the damn never ending fear of change, I've just accepted that this is where I belong. So, SM, is this where you belong? Or, is this what you have convinced yourself that you deserve?

Join me in a Sunday rumination, couch?

The first thing that comes to my head: I once listened to the speaker brown, where he was talking about people staying in marriages and situations that made them miserable- it was the fear of the unknown. They'd convinced themselves that this was their lot in life. They couldn't picture something else beyond what they already had. But I also think it depends on what you feel like you deserve.

The old me let others get away with not treating me nicely because that's what I thought I deserved then. But that core belief can be changed. If you closed your eyes and asked yourself if you deserved to have a nice space to live, you'd have your answer.

Lemoncake · Dec 30, 2018, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Does one need to 'confess' to others of they have done something not harmful but that they know people wont approve of???

I think unless you're in a program with an accountability partner, and I had promised that I would tell if I did X. then I wouldn't feel the need to do so per se.

Lemoncake · Dec 30, 2018, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

Turns out he only wanted to stay one night--phew!

We actually had a great time--had dinner/breakfast, went shopping for various items we each needed (went to shoe store/Macy's for shoes and belt for him, Lush and bookstore for soap and used books for me) and then he just left.

Perfect outcome, I think!

You also speak LUSH?!

I'm glad you had a lovely time. Did you find any hidden gems in the book store?

DP_2017 · Dec 30, 2018, 04:15 PM

So I got brave and am watching 'Bird Box'.... it's a very anxiety provoking movie....

atisketatasket · Dec 30, 2018, 04:26 PM

We’re home. New cat is reestablishing her supremacy and demanding compensation for her ordeal.

88Butterfly88 · Dec 30, 2018, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

We’re home. New cat is reestablishing her supremacy and demanding compensation for her ordeal.

Dec 30, 2018, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

We’re home. New cat is reestablishing her supremacy and demanding compensation for her ordeal.

Welcome home, new cat

You got a name for her?

Dec 30, 2018, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Apparently there is because any time I talk about what I'm feeling here, I'm met with rude comments telling me to "meet new people" as if thats the cure for everything in life. I DONT LIKE PEOPLE and I'm so confused why people can't grasp that? Even if I had new people to socialize with, after all this with T, there is no way I'd be open to being close to anyone again. People don't help me... very rarely do people matter to me this much..... most of the time I prefer being around dogs.... but I'm doing it all wrong I guess

Im sorry but that advice seems to be a thing here. When i first joined that was just about all the advice i got. I too dont like people and perfer my pets. Also not being a people person i struggle with being supportive.

DP_2017 · Dec 30, 2018, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Im sorry but that advice seems to be a thing here. When i first joined that was just about all the advice i got. I too dont like people and perfer my pets. Also not being a people person i struggle with being supportive.

It's fine, I'm passed it now. My bad moments come in waves... right now I'm sucked into "Bird Box" with a whole new set of anxiety LOL

stopdog · Dec 30, 2018, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Does one need to 'confess' to others of they have done something not harmful but that they know people wont approve of???

I do not believe one needs to do so.

stopdog · Dec 30, 2018, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

We’re home. New cat is reestablishing her supremacy and demanding compensation for her ordeal.

Tuna? Freshly cooked chicken? Getting hand fed anchovies while sitting on you for hours even though you need to pee?

StressedMess · Dec 30, 2018, 04:59 PM

In true distraction mode I just got an excellent deal on bras from Lane Bryant, today was the last day, so I had to do it. If anyone else shops there, check it out!

88Butterfly88 · Dec 30, 2018, 05:05 PM

I do like Lane Bryant, will have to check it out, thanks.

stopdog · Dec 30, 2018, 05:09 PM

Nintendo Switch daily update - West of Loathing is a delight and I do not completely suck at it. Which might help in my ranking but it has a funny story along with it's stick people drawings.

Dec 30, 2018, 05:36 PM

I went out and bought the mini classic Nintendo. It has 30 games already installed on it. The regular Nintendo I had as a child in the 80’s was much better but I am enjoying this one as well. I thought about getting the switch but I’m not much of a gamer and don’t want to spend 300 bucks. So I got this for 60 bucks and it’s doing a good of keeping me occupied and out of my head for a bit.

unaluna · 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

If you feel the need to then yes. You wouldn't want to feel like you were carrying a big secret. Depending on what it is, maybe you don't want people in your life that don't approve of what you've done. But really depends what it is.

I was gonna say oh heck no, but this is probably a more connected to humans response, more interdependent, more

no man is an island

supportive kinda answer

stopdog · Dec 30, 2018, 05:50 PM

I do enjoy it when those people engage in snippy therapist wars and seeing who can be the most insufferably self-righteous.
Reading comments to blogs can be entertaining.
Also - be aware of the marketing agenda behind the podcast
Is Podcasting the Next Frontier of Therapy Marketing?

Dec 30, 2018, 05:52 PM

I have decided that the true test of a marriage is building furniture kits together. H and I have put together 2 of the 3 bookshelves so far this weekend and we are still speaking to each other. I am not sure we should push our luck with the 3rd one.

stopdog · Dec 30, 2018, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jersey 3

I went out and bought the mini classic Nintendo. It has 30 games already installed on it. The regular Nintendo I had as a child in the 80’s was much better but I am enjoying this one as well. I thought about getting the switch but I’m not much of a gamer and don’t want to spend 300 bucks. So I got this for 60 bucks and it’s doing a good of keeping me occupied and out of my head for a bit.

It was a bit of a splurge for me on the switch, but I already knew I enjoyed playing some of the games with others. Some of the games are incredibly odd.
Hope you continue to have fun with the mini classic - I will have to look it up and see what that is.

Dec 30, 2018, 05:58 PM

My cat has discovered he can make things happen on the ipad. He is no longer sitting in my lap i have banished him but he still eaches over and taps occasionly.

atisketatasket · Dec 30, 2018, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

I have decided that the true test of a marriage is building furniture kits together. H and I have put together 2 of the 3 bookshelves so far this weekend and we are still speaking to each other. I am not sure we should push our luck with the 3rd one.

2ex and I were at our best putting furniture together and traveling together. It was regular life we couldn’t cut.

BCM—junior cat used to play a special game for cats on the iPad.

unaluna · Dec 30, 2018, 06:05 PM

Bcm, Tell him to pay the bills while hes at it. Has his buddy come home?

Dec 30, 2018, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

2ex and I were at our best putting furniture together and traveling together. It was regular life we couldn’t cut.

BCM—junior cat used to play a special game for cats on the iPad.

Was it the one with mice? They played that when they were kittens but lost interest when they couldnt pick up their prize.

Dec 30, 2018, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Bcm, Tell him to pay the bills while hes at it. Has his buddy come home?

Cats on amazon would be nightmare! All the catnip you didnt know you wanted.

No his buddy hasnt come home, its been nearly 2 weeks now. My daughters cat is a lot happier since he's been gone.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 30, 2018, 06:35 PM

I think one of my dogs has PTSD

Seriously. She's having nightmares, wakes up in a panic, and goes running and barking as if to attack someone or something. This is happening 5-6 times a night and only at night. It started around the time my dad's dog bit her. My H can't stand it anymore. I contacted a vet hospital and they said to get a physical done, then maybe see a neurologist. If everything is fine, then she'll need a behavioralist. We don't have the kind of money or patience (for training). We're probably going to try a thunder shirt or maybe some dogs treats that are supposed to help with anxiety. Poor baby...

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