T is pregnant

Could be. Which is why I need to talk to her about this... desperately. But she wants me to wait 2 weeks until we meet again. She said that she felt I was capable of waiting... Yes though, my T is extremely honest. I told her from the start that that is what I want, and based upon experience with her, I'd say she's kept her word. There is one promising thing she said during session and that's that we don't sweep things under the rug. My anxiety is super high, I'm on the defensive, I'm trying to get everything sorted before she leaves. And I need to know where I/we stand in the relationship. It's just so hard!

Try to trust your T's judgement - you can wait to discuss it again. What skills have you practised before in difficult situations? What have you found helpful? What do you enjoy doing to get distracted? Maybe movies, reading, walking outdoors, whatever you do to calm down and enjoy. You can talk with her in session again and trust that she is truthful in what she says and answers. The interim T sounds promising too. You are in good hands, it is just a maternity leave, not an abandonment or the end of the world.

Without demeaning how difficult this is for you, another reason to wait until your next session is because she would like you to. This is a working relationship, which means that it is not exclusively about what you want or need. Considering her request and trying to accommodate her wishes are part of your job in a relationship. Could you write an email to her and instead of sending it, keep it in your draft mailbox, or print it out and save it and any others. It could be an exploration of what it's like for you to express your feelings to yourself and think about these things without asking her to do something else for you outside of session. It seems important for you to do because in a few months she will not be able to respond to you at all, so working towards the place where you can cope without emailing seems like it would be useful.

At first, I felt angry at your therapist about not seeing you weekly when she comes back. However, after more thought, here is what I think. If she were to see you weekly when she first comes back and is working fewer hours, that will most likely delay when another client can get back on her schedule. So it's not so much choosing another client over you, it's choosing as many of her clients as possible, including you. I don't know if that helps. Can you see the interim therapist on the off weeks?

I'm not sure, but that's a great question to ask interim T! That makes sense about the other clients. I just want to see her as soon as possible when she gets back.

Response from T:

That seems like a really good, caring response, Scarlet. How do you feel about it?

I feel good about it. I feel like she listened, understood, validated, and reassured me. I did find it very caring. It's a short response, but that's normal. I'm content with it.