T is pregnant

Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy for her. However, it means that I won't get to see her for at least 6 months.

I'm hurting so bad. I'm also jealous. I just want to die. I don't know how I'm going to make it without her for six months. I can barely make it 2 days without communication.

That would be really hard for me, too. Can you maybe see someone else while she's on leave? It wouldn't be the same, of course, but might still be helpful.

Wow, six months is a long time. HUGS Kit

Sorry you're struggling Scarlet.thats a tough thing ...

Congratulations to your therapist but I know this is hard for you.

My guess is that she'll have some options for people to see while she's on leave.

Oh man. That would be a really tough pill for me to swallow, too.

It probably won't make you feel any better but here in Canada they're allowed 18 months for maternity leave.

I know it's nowhere near the same, and it's going to feel like starting all over again, but I'm sure she will leave you in good hands.

Do you know when she's due?

I'm sorry, Scarlet. Is there any chance she'd be willing to talk on the phone during that time? And when is she due to start her maternity leave?

thats so hard! I understand being jealous. i hope you and she can work out some way to communicate.

Thats so hard. Hugs. I hope she has away to keep intouch six months is a long time.

Nope. No contact for at least 6 months. No phone calls, texts, emails, nothing. She starts maternity leave in April.

Ugh, I'm sorry. Will she at least let you see her more often than monthly until then? And it seems like it would be good to find another T for those 6 months if possible.

Guys, I'm so depressed. I've been crying ever since she told me...the last 2 hours and 10 mins. Like bawling; not just crying. I'm losing everything! No baby, going to lose the house, and now I'm definitely losing my T. And my meds haven't kicked in yet, so I'm super depressed. I said in my other thread I live for my T. Well, now she's going to be gone. I really need help!

I don't know how often I'll be able to see her until then. Right now I'm at once a week due to how bad my depression already is. This last 6 days, I've called het 4 times! The deal is that I call her if I feel suicidal or like cutting. Sucks, this session and last I left feeling suicidal and like cutting.

She said she wants me to find another T while she's away. She said she'll help and maybe we can even have a joint session before she leaves. But I don't want another T!

If you are suicidal, you need to get to an ER.

I just called the crisis line. Of course they were of no help. And yes I told them I'm suicidal.

My dad overhead me on the phone and came in to check on me. He suggested we go out. So we went out to a new age shop. While there, H called. He was freaking out because he got a new phone today and it didn't connect with his car. He needed a key card and couldn't find it. Yes, he knew about T BEFORE deciding to get a new phone and he knew he wasn't going to be home when I came home. Then I got yelled at and lectured about losing the key card and how I shouldn't worry about T and everything's going to be okay. So not helpful.

Oh, Scarlet...

I can't imagine how you must feel, especially given everything you're going through with your own family at present. My heart aches for you, and I cried for you when I read this. I'm not surprised that the crisis line wasn't helpful. Please take care of yourself right now.

H just left me again. This time he's going out Lyft'ing. He doesn't care.

Or, it’s his way of trying to help. Bringing is some income to help since money is a stress he thinks he can try to help with.

Called crisis line again. This time it helped. The lady actually talked to me and acknowledged my feelings and reassured me they're normal. She told me to plan out my next session with T, so I can express everything I want to. I have a headache from crying so much. I think I'm going to sleep for a while.

Oh no, I'm so sorry , Scarlet. I've been through this. It's awful and triggers every single abandonment trigger you could possibly have. HANG IN THERE! These feelings are going to pass!!
My T went on maternity leave over a year ago and hasn't returned yet. I am doing okay with the T I transferred to though, so its okay now, but it was SO. HARD. in the beginning. I was genuinely happy for my T and genuinely devastated for me.

What I did to make it easier was see my new T while I was still seeing T. I visited new T for 15 minutes at a time at first and then worked up to alternating weeks between them. I didn't really want to do that but I knew I had to create that safety net for myself because I wasn't coping with the change.

You have time to work on your safety net. Do your best to create a strong one. 6 month will go by so fast, while at the same time feeling like forever. Just plug up those gaps with a stop gap T to tide you over the rough times.

You can do this. You can support yourself through this. I know how devastating it feels. But you can find ways to carry yourself through that devastation. It probably isn't going to feel good, but you can make it "good enough" to carry you through. You just have to survive this period of time. Anything else you may get out of it is a bonus. But you can make it good enough to get you to the other side.

Cried some more and now have made myself physically ill. I basically threw up my entire stomach content (I rarely if ever throw up). My head still hurts and so does my chest. I took an Ativan, but I probably threw that up too.

Just ride this part out, it probably won't be this intense for too long. The initially shock threw me in to a for about 3-4 days. After that it slowly settled down - it wasn't good, but it was no longer totally destabilizing.
Your mind and body are reacting. Just ride this bit out. This is the "amygdala is in full alert" and "temporal lobes are down" stage. Hang in there for a bit, your physiology will return to your current baseline in a few days and you'll be able to process the news a bit better.

A little bit of sleep helped. I was able to eat some, so that's good. H came home, and he's been nice. I feel a little more stable. Called T, so I'll hear from her tomorrow.

I don't want to go through this. Even if I can, I don't want to. I've been abandoned so many times. I've been homeless. I just am tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting. And I'm tired of my borderline bs. I wish I could have normal healthy relationships, but I don't know how to have friends. I understand counselors and therapists. I understand how my family works. And then there's H. But everyone else is a mystery to me. I just want my T. That's all.

I don't know if I can afford 2 Ts at once. T said she is willing to do a session with the new T. The lady on the crisis line said it might be a good idea to do a co-session after T gets back too so she understands what I went through.

I can't believe your T hasn't come back yet. If my T did that, I would definitely consider that abandonment. I'm sorry you went through this too.

I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen. Right before ex-T left me, ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave and I got pawned off to county. It seems like it's happening all over again.

I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling.