Returning to therapy

Wondering if I can get some perspective. My 20 year old son went to therapy for a few months wile in middle school, due to feeling suicidal thoughts. After a few months they ended therapy as he was doing better and no longer needed it.

Today he asked me for some help. He said he needs to go to therapy again. While he wont act on it he has been having passive SU thoughts. I gave him the previous counselors name and number. Now I wonder if after all this time he should return to the same T or if he would benefit from somebody new. Any thoughts?

Why don't you ask his preference?

He doesnt know what he wants. He isnt talking much. All he is saying is that he is safe, there is a lot going on, he is depressed and needs to talk to somebody. Based upon his research he doesnt believe intidepressents. Oh and he doesnt want me to tell anybody including his dad (my husband) or my best friend who he knows I talk about most things with. He considers her like a second mom.

Well, if he's 20 and last saw the therapist in middle school, they might not still be in the area, practicing, have availability or even work with adults. I'm unclear who he gave the previous therapist's name to, but doing that would seem to indicate he is interested in working with him again. Maybe start there and see if that's even possible.

Can you contact the counselor and see what they think? If nothing else they may be able to give a referral.

It is good that your son feels he can confide in you and ask you for help.

Seeing as he's not sure what he wants, I would ask him this one question: When you were in therapy the first time, did it help with the suicidal thoughts?
If he answers yes, I see no reason why he couldn't see the same therapist. If he says no or not sure, then you should look for a different therapist.

I know he is still practicing and seeing adults. He is on psychology today. He retired a few years ago and hated it do returned to the state and reopened his practice.....he was good friends and had the office next to my T.

Darn typos/auto correct..sorry I fixed the original post. I gave my son the name and number of his previous T.

I will see tomorrow if my son will give me more information

I feel very fortunate to have 3 kids who come to me first when they are struggling.

Since he doesn't know what he wants, it doesn't matter where he starts. He can start with his old T and see how it goes. If he doesn't like it, he and you can find someone else. May be the previous T or your T could recommend someone.

My son saw a T after his father died (he was 12). A few months ago, 5 years later, he said he wanted to go back to therapy. I asked and he said he wanted to see the same person, so I arranged the first appointment and he then made his others.

My tendency is to think that if he didn't want to see the old therapist, he would have said something when you gave him the information, like "I don't want to see THAT guy" or whatever. But I think it's good to follow up and offer that you could find him the names and numbers of other potential therapists, if that is what he wanted.

I would start with your family doctor; or if in school, his guidance counsellor. Either or will have the ability to make a judgement call on whether your son needs some professional help and what that sort of help ought to be. They will then make a referral according to what they deem would be appropriate treatment. It could be to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or some other such therapist.

Personally, if it were me, I would be inclined to allow them to deem what is the best measure and course of action than taking it upon myself to make the decision. The doctor will have resources as well as their own professional relationships with those in the mental healthcare field and as such have a bit of an idea for matching up your son's particular issue to the ideal mental healthcare provider. I repeat then that it might be best for them to consult with professionals to determine the best treatment or course of action. Of course too, any good doctor would also consult with your son.

Incidentally, don't expect to be kept in the loop about this as your son is an adult and legally in charge of his own medical choices. Even if you asked, the doctor is not bound to do so. Basically it would come down to the young man's directives.

Thank you for your input. I tried to encourage him to see his PCP. I mentioned that maybe a mix of medication and therapy would be beneficial. He doesnt want to involve his Pcp he just wants a therapist. He also doesn't want medications. I dont want to push him. I am thankful he came to me so I dont want to push him away Vt pushing to much. I know I tend to overreact in cases like this. T use to keep me in check and navigate stuff like this

I think it's good just to start somewhere. And if seeing the T he saw previously worked out for him, that's a good place to start. He can always change therapists later if that's not working out for him. I hope things go well for him. Kit

You sound like a caring parent!

Thank you. I am so nervous of making a mistake when it comes to menal health and my kids. This is fov9ng me anxiety attacks just thinking about it. By asking me to not to talk to anybody about it he is not allowing me to use my coping skills. and Emdr T doeant allow emails so I am tatoally dependent on everybody here

I understand the anxiety when our kids indicate being depressed, etc. One thing that helps me keep perspective is that, most likely, their need for therapy and/or meds is not going to be a long-term issue because, at least in our case, they don't have the additional complication of an abuse/trauma background and no underlying serious mental illness. And sure enough, when my sons have asked to see someone, it has always been rather short-term (3-6 months). My youngest son is most like me personality-wise, so he's prone to anxiety and depression, but he's really good about talking to me about it and has started developing healthy coping strategies so that therapy hasn't been a necessity.

It's easy to forget that most people actually don't need therapy or treatment long-term. It sounds like your son is being pretty open with you about what he needs. Isn't he blessed to have a parent who he can be open with? Don't forget that. He's probably ahead of the game in the way.

Remember to let him handle this as much as possible as the adult he is. Help him navigate making the initial appointment, finances, etc., and then allow him to handle the rest himself unless he asks for other involvement. Transitioning from parenting a child to parenting an adult is . . . a transition. They may need help learning the "adulting" parts of things, but they definitely want, as much as possible, to be given the space of that adulthood.

Thank you. You are right. I forget that my children have lived very different lives than I did. They grew up in a home witloving stable parents, financial securitya nd as far as I know no trauma. I had none of that plus whenever they have needed help we have gotten it for them right off, where I, O wanted years.

I asked him today if he called the therapist. Je rold me no he has been fine the last couple of days. That is hard because I mentioned to him a few weeks he seemed off and mentioned that of he ever thought he would benefit from therapy I would help him get started.

I told him today it while he feels better right now whatever got him to that point 3 days ago is still there so maybe a few appointments with T would benefit him. He said he is fine so U backed off.

My youngest is that way. Basically moody. Up and down. One night he can be in "crisis" and the next day he's fine. I've learned not to panic about those crisis moments; it's just his personality.

He seems to have figured out that those moods come in phases for him and that "this too shall pass." Where a year or so ago, he thought he was doomed to feel that way forever, now he's starting to realize his own patterns of thinking and gives himself time. Boy, I wish I had had that kind of personal insight at his age. He's ahead of the game.

He's still learning, but I do see improvement in his ability to handle his own mood fluctuations. They are in the realm of normal - a bit on the extreme ends of normal at times, but not so much that psychological intervention is really a necessity. At one point he tried antidepressants and realized they weren't doing much because his mood tends to be very situational. He's discovered managing his own depression and anxiety is more about healthy coping strategies, support from friends, talking to Mom (LOL), and simply giving himself time rather than catastrophizing (he's a worrier). He's learning. It will come.