[LostOnTheTrail]

Anything you would like to say to your T, big or small...post it here.

[atisketatasket]

Dear Info,

I want to go home. The problem is home no longer exists.

ATAT

[RaineD]

I'm afraid I'll forget you. I went by your office again yesterday. It hurt, but it didn't hurt as much as it did a month ago. That terrifies me. I like the pain. The pain makes me feel close to you. It's all I have left. I'm afraid that one day I'll lose that too.

[LabRat27]

You acknowledged that there's part of me that would want to lash out and hurt that child.
What about you? Would you? Is there part of you that wants to hurt the child who went through that?
It would be understandable.

[piggy momma]

I am going to fail your exam tomorrow. And I think I’m doing it to prove to you that I’m not as smart as you think I am. And, I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough, so why even try in the first place? Also, after this exam is over I never want to speak of it again. Ever.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by RaineD

I'm afraid I'll forget you. I went by your office again yesterday. It hurt, but it didn't hurt as much as it did a month ago. That terrifies me. I like the pain. The pain makes me feel close to you. It's all I have left. I'm afraid that one day I'll lose that too.

Twine I have just like that and attribute the pain to caring. If the pain stops then I will stop caring. Then I reminduself they when the constant pain stops it means I will remember her fondly and be able to laugh and enjoy the memories. Right now memories cause so much pain. I dont know when the pain will stop. I am far from that point.

[LonesomeTonight]

Dear T,
I canceled tomorrow because of seeing you Friday...but I hadn't considered that tomorrow was the anniversary to the ex-MC phone call/rupture. Part of me wants to see if you have availability before Wed. (and then I'd cancel Wed./not schedule for rest of week), but part of me thinks I should just keep it as is.
LT

[DP_2017]

I've never dreaded seeing you until this week. i want to see you tomorrow but I also don't. It's the last time before the official "end" session. I am not sure how I can handle this week. Christmas is hard enough and your BS made it harder. I know you needed to get something better but I wish you considered clients a bit more in your choice. Holidays are hard for many.

I hope you are prepared for a sobbing mess when I read your goodbye letter. I can't believe this is all real.

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Twine I have just like that and attribute the pain to caring. If the pain stops then I will stop caring. Then I reminduself they when the constant pain stops it means I will remember her fondly and be able to laugh and enjoy the memories. Right now memories cause so much pain. I dont know when the pain will stop. I am far from that point.

It sounds cliche, but I've found with grief that the pain never stops, it just becomes more bearable (at least for me, ymmv)

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I've never dreaded seeing you until this week. i want to see you tomorrow but I also don't. It's the last time before the official "end" session. I am not sure how I can handle this week. Christmas is hard enough and your BS made it harder. I know you needed to get something better but I wish you considered clients a bit more in your choice. Holidays are hard for many.

I hope you are prepared for a sobbing mess when I read your goodbye letter. I can't believe this is all real.

Hugs...I agree that the timing sucks.

I thought you said on the phone last week that you would see me at the usual time on the 7 jan and then the new time from the 21/1 onwards. I feel stupid and crying as i am disappointed that i wont see you on the 7th

[RaineD]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Twine I have just like that and attribute the pain to caring. If the pain stops then I will stop caring. Then I reminduself they when the constant pain stops it means I will remember her fondly and be able to laugh and enjoy the memories. Right now memories cause so much pain. I dont know when the pain will stop. I am far from that point.

I am so afraid of losing him.

[chihirochild]

Possible trigger:

I just want to be dead. It doesn't matter what we talked about last week or what we will talk about next week; I am a pathetic excuse for a human, a waste of a life, and if I had any fortitude at all I would deal with it once and for all.

It hurts so much...why??? I am crying on the inside.

[velcro003]

T: the snow today helped my mood. too bad work will be open tomorrow, of course. i would love a day off. sigh.

at least i'll see you tuesday.

[piggy momma]

I sent you an email and asked to see you in the morning. I hope you write me back.

[autonoe]

I feel like I am annoying to you. I don't know if I really am annoying to you, or if you just look like that because other things are bothering you. But sometimes I'd rather not talk when you give me that feeling.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by RaineD

I am so afraid of losing him.

I know it is painful. I am so sorry

What if you write down some of fond memories? When I am really struggling I write an email to I talk about everything just like we did in sessions. I write about my family and my successe, grief, topics we us to discuss and current struggles. Sometimes in writing this stuff I hear her voice telling me what she is to say or whatever. I dont send the emails but I do save them. I also have many of the emails she sent me the last couple of years saved. I cant read them now but when I am in a better place someday I can go back through them.

I am livid that you have been using me to make lots and lots of money and I don't mean from my co-pays. Guess you will be giving out plenty this Christmas to your "friends" and cohorts in crime.

[RaineD]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I know it is painful. I am so sorry

What if you write down some of fond memories? When I am really struggling I write an email to I talk about everything just like we did in sessions. I write about my family and my successe, grief, topics we us to discuss and current struggles. Sometimes in writing this stuff I hear her voice telling me what she is to say or whatever. I dont send the emails but I do save them. I also have many of the emails she sent me the last couple of years saved. I cant read them now but when I am in a better place someday I can go back through them.

Writing emails but not sending is a good idea. I'll give it a try.

[Amyjay]

T, you want adults, not children. It all feels too broken. The adults want nothing, they don't want life. The child one... she is the only one who can be right now.
It just feels too broken. We feel too broken. We have no fight in this.
I know, I know, you didn't sign up for this.
Sometimes it feels like you are too much like the mother. Sometimes you seem too fragile. We won't inflict this on you.
I don't yet know if we will come back. It feels like more pain than we can bear.
These pieces won't go back together.
| just don't want anymore. I've had enough.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Saturation point. Still on the fence as to whether I'm going to be brave enough to touch the stuff that really screws me up in this last session before the festive break.

[Echos Myron redux]

I wish you could take all my shittiness away.

[LonesomeTonight]

Dear T,
Miss you. Want to talk about the ex-MC stuff. And more about the stuff from Thursday/Friday, too. But will wait till Wednesday.

LT

[Lemoncake]

Hey T,

I'm happy but just tired more than anything.