How to look for a new therapist

I was originally planning on waiting until June to look for a new therapist, but a recent occurrence suggested that I'm still insane and need a therapist to keep me out of trouble. (For those who are curious, I almost fell in love with a man who would have been very inappropriate to fall in love with. I was able to withdraw myself from the situation at the last moment with a little help from what seemed like divine intervention. I know my T still watches out for me.)

Anyway, so I need to find another therapist sooner than I had hoped. What should I do besides look on Psychology Today? Every Psychology Today profile I've seen makes me want to punch the therapist who posted it in the face.

I'm looking for a male therapist who practices relational psychodynamic therapy. They need to be over 60, preferably gay, but that may be too much to ask for.

I found my T on a professional organization's website, but I haven't found any professional organizations for relational psychodynamic therapy so I don't know what to do at this point.

Oh, and I'd prefer them to have a doctorate. My T was a professor so I was never able to intellectually intimidate him. While he rarely fell for my childish attempts at engaging him in intellectual arguments, when we did argue, it was obvious he could hold his own. He was very intelligent so I always respected him.

I'm not the biggest genius in the world, but I can't respect a therapist who is dumber than me. In my experience, most therapists aren't super bright, but the ones with doctorates tend to be smarter although not always (obviously).

Well, considering you have a lot of requirements, I would probably hold off on narrowing the pool to therapists with doctorates, since that seems like an uncertain predictor. If a therapist is dumb, that will probably be apparent when you meet them. I'm not sure how you will be able to tell if the therapist is gay unless he's super flamboyant or something. Seems especially hard to tell just from a picture on PT. So I guess you could filter the results on PT to males who practice psychodynamic therapy, and contact the ones who look like they're in the correct age range to ask if they do relational work.

And therapists just aren't good at selling themselves. I think a lot of them just spew altered regurgitations of what other therapists write. So they all sound like garbage on their profile.

Good point on not narrowing based on whether they have a doctorate.

And, yeah, their profiles all sound the same, and it's all so fake! Bleh!

Ya...some of the dumbest people I’ve met have doctorates. I seriously don’t know how they dress themselves let alone got thru grad school. I do have certain requirements like they have to be a psychologist, not a counsellor or social worker, and male, and older than me. But after that it’s just meeting and seeing who I mesh with.

I'm not sure how you would be able to tell a therapist's sexual orientation from a picture or profile on Psychology Today. I think wanting one over 60 might be asking a bit much too. I would focus on finding one who does psychodynamic therapy.

In the US, psychologists have doctorates. If you have a master's in psychology, you are a psychological associate.

I never said you could tell their sexual orientation by looking at their profile. In fact, you can tell almost nothing by looking at their profile. Psychology Today does have a sexual orientation filter, but I don't know if it's the therapist's sexual orientation or if it just means they see gay clients.

The over 60 part is non-negotiable. It's okay if they're straight or bi or something else. But they have to be over 60.

Sometimes it comes down to the old fashioned way of calling them and asking.

I also would only hire a straight woman over 60 (I am a lesbian but did not want to run into one them while in my community - straight meant I was less likely to just accidentally see them someplace). Sometimes you can tell age by the dates of their degrees or by pictures but I also just asked a couple of them when I interviewed them on the phone. I also would check and see where they advertised to see about the higher likelihood of being gay.

My T's Psych Today profile is pretty lame. He's a good T, but not a great writer. But they probably write those things to appeal to a very wide swath of people, so they have to be vague. I wouldn't judge based on that unless it was completely stupid.

It looks like you can narrow the patient groups by "gay" and "Elders" in the sidebar so maybe that will get you older gay therapists to look at.

Ya it’s like that almost everywhere. Where I am you can be a registered psychologist with just a Masters.

There are filters you can turn on at PT for all of those things: gay, relational, psychodynamic and look for doctorate in the profiles. I am not sure what "gay" means though, whether they are or they like to work with gay issues. The problem with PT is of course is you live in a small community and don't have options. I would definitely either call or email and tell them what you are looking for and if they meet those criteria. There are Ts who refuse to answer via phone/email even basic questions such as their fee, let alone sexual orientation - I would immediately filter those out if I had a good selection. You could also perhaps ask for referrals if one says they do not meet the criteria, ask if they know others who do. I've met many Ts who were happy to provide referrals.

I do agree that a doctorate does not always come with common sense and good general life skills and intelligence. My first T had a PhD and he was really not very intelligent. If you are looking for academic intelligence, I don't think it is the most abundant factor among Ts, may actually go into that profession because they were not very good in science and with conventional academic measures. My second T had a masters and pretty smart, well-read, with good communication skills. He had varied academic experiences but dropped out of a PhD program. He also told me that sometimes he lies to clients about personal things such as his political or sexual orientation to match what they client looks for, so I don't know...

If there are any training institutes near you that offer relational psychodynamic/psychoanalytic post-grad programs, maybe they would be able to provide you with some starting points? I hate Psychology Today; half of the people on there have checked off every single box as their "specialty," have every insurance company listed but are out of network, etc. And then there are people like my current therapist, who never showed up in any of my previous searches on there because he didn't check off his actual areas of specialty, even though the relevant terms are all in the text of his profile.

Or maybe look to see if there are any clinicians who teach locally who might fit your criteria?

I dont know if you are in my area but you may be because of the site you mentioned. Shes not any of those things except a doctorate. Shes a psychologist. You may want to try Dr. Anne Creekmore.

Do you mean that therapists without doctorates are dumb? I know people who have doctorates that seem less intelligent. I also know people with only master's that are way more intelligent.

Different communities work in different ways, but in my medium sized city, not all therapists are listed on PT or have websites or advertise in any other way. And that might intersect with the therapists you are trying to find, including the ones who have mostly full practices where they are not actively looking for new clients. And these tend to be older therapists of different disciplines. To find these people in my community, you can ask for referrals (for a client or a friend) from people you know, or what I discovered-- because they have landlines registered to a business, they pop up in the yellow pages, sometimes under "therapists" or other terms.

The therapists you are looking for may be less likely to be found just using the internet. If I were to encourage you to consider relaxing one of your requirements, I'd suggest the degree one. I've had therapy with a psychiatrist (there are those who specialize in therapy rather than drugs), a PhD psychologists, and most recently a LCSW. I tend to think education does not match up well with intelligence, and instead is a more reliable indicator of frustration tolerance. I also know a few therapists in town whose reports or other work I've seen, and a couple of the best are a MFT and a LPC along with a PhD and a LCSW. Good luck in your search, and I hope it works out well for you.

Many of the Psychology Today profiles have a link to the therapist's website. So maybe try clicking on those to see if they give you a different sense of the T than just their profile?

Also, out of curiosity, I looked at the APA (American Psychological Association) site, and they have a "Find a Psychologist" search--it may be that psychologists might list themselves there but not on Psychology Today.

ETA: Also try your state's psychological association/licensing board--I just checked mine, and they have a search as well.

late to this thread but ...

question by setting the age at 60 does that mean you are looking only for a temporary treatment provider? not someone that is going to be your therapist for the long haul?

retirement age for professionals (treatment providers) usually begins around 50. looking for a treatment provider who is at least 60 is next to impossible in the mental health field, simply because its a high burn out business and treatment providers in this field tend to retire in their 50s. by 60 they usually already have a retirement plan set up and ready for the exit. not always but most do.

those that I have met who set the 60 and above age limits are either not very serious about being in therapy or they are looking only for a temporary short term treatment option where they dont mind that in this age bracket there is a high rate of retirements and health issues and natural health related deaths for treatment providers.

my suggestion if you are looking for a more permanent or long term treatment provider you might want to consider broadening your age bracket to include the younger than 60 treatment providers too. other wise you may end up in a situation where suddenly you get a call saying your new treatment provider has died or has retired or has personal problems (health issues) that they can no longer be your treatment provider.

I wouldnt want you to just get settled in with someone and then have to start all over looking again. unless of course thats what your plans are (have temporary instead of long term options)

Great question!! Can you ask around for recommendations? I would also look outside PT I think of a lot of older Ts may not have an account there.

When looking for Emdr T my criteria was older than me (I am late 40s), within my community, female, took my insurance, was recommended by somebody I trust and not somebody I deal with on a frequent basis at my work.

Indeed up getting a female who takes my insurance and I have never dealt with through work. My psycho strongly suggested her and T seemed impressed by the limited contact. BUT she is 5 years younger and I drive almost an hour to see her.

I am not sure she is THE right person for me so I have looked at PT... nobody jumps out at me plus I know they have huge shoes to fill. Not sure anyone will fill those shoes.

This is probably in part dependent on your location, but it seems a bit of a stretch to say that therapists are retiring in their 50s. While they may make enough to be financially secure, I don't think it's usually so much they can retire a decade early - and 25-40 years before they can expect to die. That would mean they'd have to live on the savings and social security they earned from working maybe 25-35 years. That just doesn't make sense mathematically.

Edit: And the last one C saw is in her 60s and the current therapist is 59, I believe. There does not appear to be a shortage of therapists around this age in my state.

My current T is 61 with no imminent plans to retire. My last T was 70 and only retired because a) he got cancer and b) he had his license revoked.

I had absolutely no difficulty finding therapists who are over 60. In my area they don't usually retire until their 70s and some have no plans to so at all. I interviewed over 30 of those people and they were all over 60 (I asked during my initial phone call with them). I saw two regularly and the first one retired at 72 and the second one retired at 78 and had not planned to do so but her 90yr old husband became quite ill.

Thanks! Yellow pages is a good idea. It has not occurred to me, but I will take a look. You are right that the type of therapist I'm looking for most likely has a mostly full practice and is not actively looking for new clients. So probably not advertising anywhere.

And I agree that the degree requirement is one I should relax. It really isn't well correlated with intelligence. Just a poor approximation.