[sinking]

I went to T on monday, my T said she didnt know something I was talking about and to send her the link. I did it but she didnt reply all day. I thought she may respond on tuesday but I didnt hear from her all day.
so when that evening I had to communicate her about a meeting we should have gone, and she kept not responding and I saw that she had disabled the note in whatsapp saying the last time the user was online I started getting scared something happened.

Then finally she said she was busy and she'll write me later but I waited all night and she didnt. I kept waking up worried a bad news had come or that she would have said something bad happened etc. Hoping the message would have come later, but it didnt.

This morning I was drained. Wondering if I would have had to sit there in front of the door crying because she wasnt there, or what? But she was there.

At first I didnt want to enter, then when I tried explaining it all, I started crying (not my thing), but she was there and totally surprised she had activated so many feelings in me. She said she was sorry. I was a bit angry too but the scared part was the overwhelming one.

We talked about it a lot, and she was sorry and I was relieved, mad, sad, exhausted etc.

How do you deal with the humanity of Ts?

[stopdog]

I never expected them to have any humanity. I expected them to be full of foibles and they did not disappoint.

[piggy momma]

I remind myself that my T is human and that I am not his only client or his main priority. He has numerous other commitments and can't be available to me 24/7. He will get back to me when or if he can, and otherwise we'll talk about it in session.

I'm not saying for a second that its easy. I WANT him available to me 24/7. I WANT him to reply to my every email and text message. I WANT to be around him constantly.

So every now and then I have to activate my rational brain and remind myself of the above.

[sinking]

I try to remind myself her humanity all the time, considering im not her only patient but when she behaves differently than normally I get scared something bad happened. My worst fear is to find outshe has died. How do you fight this fear? All the time?

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by sinking

I try to remind myself her humanity all the time, considering im not her only patient but when she behaves differently than normally I get scared something bad happened. My worst fear is to find outshe has died. How do you fight this fear? All the time?

I used to have this fear all the time. I worried every time my T had to get in his car, that he'd be in an accident and die. Every time there was a story in the news I'd check to make sure it wasn't him or his car. Then I had a dream once that another T had a heart attack and died. I think for me, just trying to engage my rational brain helped. Yes, he could get in a car accident and die. But so could I. And really, what are the actual, statistical odds? Pretty slim. I'm more worried these days about him retiring, even tho we've talked about it and it's a long, long ways off. He's more of a workaholic than I am so I'm pretty safe.

[Fuzzybear]

[Rive1976]

I dont handle the humanity of Ts well which is why I do not stay with them long I suppose.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I remind myself that my T is human and that I am not his only client or his main priority. He has numerous other commitments and can't be available to me 24/7. He will get back to me when or if he can, and otherwise we'll talk about it in session.
.

All good points and more people should remind themselves of this as well. Good on you

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I never expected them to have any humanity. I expected them to be full of foibles and they did not disappoint.

Too true. Too true. They are only human and can't live up to our fantasies of them.....

[stopdog]

I don't see it as they are only human. They set themselves up as other and make themselves mysterious on purpose. I don't think therapists are good human beings for the most part. Sometimes they can act not unreasonably for 50 minutes a week. Sometimes those people can't even manage that much.

[unaluna]

Do you understand why are you so afraid NOW? How it relates to your past? This is how transference works.

Its not just your t's humanity. Its the humanity of anyone you might love. How could you ever stand losing them? Is it safer just to never love at all? Thats how my italian parents acted towards me.