Did rupture/repair work for you?

I hope in the future you will meet someone who can appreciate and cherish these great qualities of yours.

I already met the love of my life and I don't want anyone else. No one will ever be enough to me in comparison.

However, friends would be ok, but they need to happen by chance, I don't go looking for social anything LOL

For me, it also involved the therapist taking responsibility for it in some way (apologizing, saying they made mistake, etc.) and also them understanding why it affected me so much. I think the latter one is a big part of why the final rupture with ex-MC couldn't be repaired--he didn't seem to understand why I was so hurt that he told me I had to reduce contact after I'd said I loved him (something I'd said in the past, too). Like he kept saying he wasn't rejecting or abandoning me, like because he was willing to keep seeing us. He acted like telling me I had to reduce contact wasn't a form of rejection, when he *knew* how important it was to me and how a conflict over outside contact had affected my relationship with ex-T. Anyway...

i’ve never had a rupture w a T. I don’t really focus on the relationship between them and I, so it would be harder for them to hurt my feelings I think. Either way, it’s neber happened.

I like apples is a surprisingly popular choice. Go apples.

What is a poll without whimsy?

Yup. It made our relationship stronger and even increased trust (which is weird because I know some ruptures have been intentional).

How do you know they were intentional? Did you T tell you? I also feel rupture/repair has helped me. although painful at the moment can see the benefits now.

I've never felt close enough to a therapist to have a rupture. Usually if they don't help me after one or two sessions I quit.

With former T, who I was in therapy with the longest, I never had a rupture. There were things we disagreed on. For example, when I dissociate, it sometimes seems as though the room shifts (gets longer, shorter, darker whatever) and she would argue with me that it hadn't shifted. My stance was, well I don't know where you were but it definitely did. Stuff like that. We didn't necessarily come to an agreement on that one, but it wasn't a big enough deal to cause a rupture. I think she just didn't understand what I was talking about. Actually she told me that a lot--that she didn't understand what I was talking about. Thanks depression with psychotic features! Another time she said she was angry with me. I was completely dumbfounded. Well actually I asked her if she was angry with me and she said yes. And I just couldn't see what I had done that caused her to be angry with me. To this day, I don't know. I will never know. I was just more confused than anything. She got over it, in the same session, and I stayed bewildered. But a rupture--I don't think I've experienced that with any of my T's. Kit

I was disappointed that I could not also select "I like apples". ha ha

Anyway... now to the question. I said "Yes". There were maybe 3 ruptures in the 7+ years that L was my t. It's hard to be certain of the number now because 2 months post-therapy, I'm able to see so clearly that all of it worked together exactly the way I needed it to, including the ruptures. Each time we talked through/repaired them and I felt like our therapeutic relationship got stronger for it. The repair was a pretty powerful thing each time as I recall.

eta after reading another response: I don't think any of them were intentional.

I always found with ruptures that at the moment they occurred they were incredibly painful and sometimes unbearingly so. They often made me question everything to what I was doing in therapy, whether my T cared, whether I could trust him at all or if I was making any progress. I would bring it up and we would always end up talking it through, discussing what had happened and how whatever it was had made me feel. During those times I always felt like it was a step backwards, a setback whereby I had again lost the ability to trust him and felt like I was getting nowhere. It was incredibly frustrating and at times felt too much and all-consuming. Somehow though and looking back on them more now in the days and weeks that followed each rupture my relationship with my T was actually stronger and I felt more secure. The first few times this surprised me as thinking logically he had really hurt or angered me. H had shown me the evidence I was looking for...that I couldn't trust him that he really didn't care! If he cared he wouldn't have hurt me, disappointed me or forgotten me like that!. Now I had my evidence I wanted to continue to be angry with him, to keep him at a distance. Despite this, though the opposite happened and during the weeks that followed, I felt closer and stronger than before. If you asked me a year or two ago or in the midst of a rupture if I believed that rupture and repair worked I would have said no. Now I see evidence of it though. There is something to be said for bringing negative feelings to the surface, allowing those feelings to just be as they are and be validated and reflected back to you and held in a safe and secure environment.
I don't know if any of the ruptures were intentional and I know I will never know. I do have an inkling that some may have been. It's a slow, painful and tedious process. Most of the time I have no idea where I am going. Actually all of the time. I like linear things and this is not linear. It is one step back, two steps forward. I am aiming for a finish line that doesn't actually exist and I'm beginning to realise that I will never reach it. Right now I'm hoping just to get to a point where I will stop looking for the finish line and be happy and healthy enough to just enjoy aimlessly wandering and taking in the surrounding view.

Come back to me again next month when I am in another rupture with my T and I may have a different opinion. I would much rather we had no ruptures and it was all plain sailing. Somehow though I don't think that would have helped me half as much. I'm not saying rupture and repair what is needed for everyone but for me, it has worked.

There seem to be various definitions of what a rupture is so just to share my understanding of it to know where I am coming from.. I consider it to be something that happens either intentionally or unintentionally that negatively impacts the client or therapist and upsets the therapy relationship.

Yes, T told me it was. I wasn't thrilled but we worked through that as well.

No. Ruptures were pointless drama where the therapist never acknowledged their part in it, always subtly (or not so subtly) implying it was all because of my "issues". It was an exercise in gaslighting.
In my experience the only way to "resolve" a rupture is with the client submitting and somehow admitting they were wrong because the therapist will never admit this.

Yes! This was exactly my experience.

This is SO opposite from my experience. My T has always acknowledged his role and we’ve worked together to figure out how we can both do things differently going forward.

I don't think I really know what a "rupture" is. I've had disagreements with my T and I can think of a couple times he did something that upset me. But never anything big and we've generally worked it out. So I don't know if they count but maybe they're small ruptures.

In at least one case he did apologize and said he had been wrong and regretted doing what he did (stopped session to tell a coworker something before that person left for the day).

I had a rupture. No repair. I badly wanted repair at the time. All the literature and blogs say rupture is not a problem, as long as the therapist repairs things. This was supposed to be the magical healing moment where surrogate mommy made the hurts go away.

Please. The rupture itself was pointless drama, as Myrto said. Adding some phony and calculated clinical repair would have just dug the hole of contrivance deeper. I fail to see the point of an apology or some words of comfort dispensed by a paid actor.

Therapists are concerned with their own needs, and will handle conflict as it suits them and their career. The "repair" might be motivated by the need to retain the client as a customer. Or maybe it's an opportunity to try out a new technique learned at last weekend's seminar.

I'm in the apple business these days.

Most ruptures I have had with t have been incredibly hard. I have been an emotional wreck through them but t always eventually admitted her part. After we repaired them which could take a while for us both to gain trust, the relationship was always stronger.

This was my experience with my first T in the end. He really tried to push me to repair but all he did was just adding to it with more and more blaming me or some transference that never existed, bringing up issues I never even had, getting extremely defensive and reacting like a pissed child, etc. It was quite incredible, I seriously had never been part of such a series of reactions from anyone before him. No way I would want to have a relationship with someone who behaves that way and I do not believe all Ts are like that - he is just a particularly ***ed up person who can be abusive if someone lets him. I usually like and can repair conflicts with people in my life directly, but would not spend a great deal of time and energy to do that with someone like this, especially a T who has no real importance in my life.

Never had a rupture, or any kind of conflict, with second T. Based on how he handled little miscommunications and pressure (own his part and almost never became defensive), I imagine he would be pretty decent in addressing conflicts.

In general, I would not want to use much therapy time and money on deriving meaning from fixing ruptures with a T as I am pretty good at that in my everyday life if the other person is willing, it is not an issue for me.

The first woman was a series of ruptures with no repair. She was useful for grief stuff because even a therapist couldn't screw that up. I had nothing I would consider to be a rupture with the second woman. It was much calmer. I still don't think anything about it was particularly helpful to me in any way -but it was not contentious.

It worked/s for me as it showed me that I was still accepted after something had gone wrong between us. In the past I’d have a rupture & never talk about it afterwards or even attempt to patch things up. It has been a real learning path for me.

Yes and no. It helped build distress tolerance and integration of parts etc. But my T does therapy much differently than how I read here. Other times he was off base and defensive, and it caused problems.

My transference is gone, so we don't have ruptures anymore.

I don't think we've had any rupture for about 6 months now, and I don't anticipate this will be a part of my therapy again. That's not to say we'll never do something rupture worthy, and we do have arguments. But they are friendly and productive.

I think you can have ruptures without transference. For example, the therapist can do something legitimately or objectively wrong that can provoke a rupture that has nothing to do with transference and everything to do with the transgression.