[granite1]

i now see my therapist out of her home . and it seems to be a confusing mixed bag . yesterday i showed up for my apt at 5 and rang the bell . after a few moments my T opened the door and was in her bathrobe and head wrapped in a towel . she asked me to come in and that she had just got out of the shower and had lost track of time and would be with me in a moment as she headed back up her stairs to get dressed. (nope i cant make this stuff up ) i waited in her living room on the couch for about 5 min as she finished getting dressed. during witch time she got a personal call from her daughter that i didnt know she had . im not sure how im feeling about all this .
so much has changed sense i started seeing her out of her home .she seems to have become much more lax with me . again not sure how i am feeling about it . she brought up the point that now that she is working out of her house she has more leeway around how she does things .she said that she has the space to see me on other days if necessary ,or for extra sessions.she is always saying if i need to call her for any reason i can .even if i feel i just need to hear her voice .she said she cal also offer a phone session if needed but would need to plan that ahead. she said i could even call her from Florida if visiting with the mother gets to much for me .i am still not allowed to email her . but short text for scheduling is ok . she still would rather calls . but it seems she is trying to be more available to me .
i dont know how i feel about all of this . it is a bit strange when she answers the door in her bathrobe . im learning a lot for personal things about her life i dont need to know like she has a daughter. i have had therapists and concealers with loose boundaries and it was great until it was not .i have huge trust issues and always have .i have been the kind of person who has learned boundaries are good . i like to show up when im suppose to and depend on my T to keep that apt time for me .
the following things have changed quite a bit sense she has started seeing me out of her home . a big part of me likes it and a big part of me is weary of it and is wanting to run from it as fast as i can . i think this kind of openness from her could be so harmful to me because i could learn to depend on it and trust it . my T seems to think differently and is wanting me to open up to her and call her if needed and so on . i have worked to hard to keep these boundaries strong and myself protected from hurt . how she use to work from her other office and clinic allowed me to keep this wall strong and safe for years . now i dont know what to do . she seems that she is getting quite familiar with me and im not so sure im ok with it because i dont want to trust her and get hurt . can a therapist answer the door in her bathrobe and still hold therapeutic boundaries . or can this level of trust be good for me . i had a therapist in the past who would take me off grounds of the residential program i was in and go to to the local Y and have me hang out in the spa and saunas with her . she felt it would be good for me . it got her fired

[LonesomeTonight]

I think I'd have trouble dealing with that, particularly the seeing my T in a bathrobe part. Or just what you learn about someone from being in their home. Do you feel you could talk to her about what the change in boundaries feels like?

[Ididitmyway]

Oh God..I'd run for the hills if that happened to me.

I don't know how it's possible to lose a track of time when you are a professional and are waiting for a client. If being in the home environment affects her that much, she should not be working from home.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I think I'd have trouble dealing with that, particularly the seeing my T in a bathrobe part. Or just what you learn about someone from being in their home. Do you feel you could talk to her about what the change in boundaries feels like?

i have told her that i am just not comfortable with calling and all that stuff ,that it feels invasive to her . i have also told her i am having difficulty with feeling that i am contaminating her home with my horribleness . she said that is not true at all that she feels honored when i trust her enough to share the horribleness. im not so sure that is true . as far as the bathrobe thing i just feel that is one of the things better left unaddressed .

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Oh God..I'd run for the hills if that happened to me.

I don't know how it's possible to lose a track of time when you are a professional and are waiting for a client. If being in the home environment affects her that much, she should not be working from home.

it just struck me as strange . i have lived with one of my counters in the past and other situations so it didnt make me run for the hills but did concern me

[feralkittymom]

Some people shouldn't work at home. It's a bit like online education: it can be a wonderful resource, but experience has shown that it demands a student be more disciplined than average to be successful.

I would be tempted to say this relaxing of your boundaries could be a good experience for you. But that scenario depends upon her to be extra secure and consistent in her boundaries--something she's never shown herself able to be.

The one thing I think increases the odds of disaster is if you continue without being honest about your concerns and talking about every detail that causes you to feel even the littlest bit uncomfortable. Being silent about these thoughts or convincing yourself that it's "safer" to conceal them is almost a guarantee of a blow up.

[piggy momma]

I used to see my T in her home and I loved it. I found it fascinating to see that “side” of her. It also gave us more freedom and privacy. I felt like it greatly enhanced my therapy with her.

I see my current T in his office on campus. It is a very comfortable environment but we are often interrupted by someone knocking at his door, or he forgot to shut his phone off (although in fairness I have too), or whatever. I still much, much prefer this environment tho over when I saw him at an office he had rented years ago. Nothing was his and enverything was just weird. And I hated encountering other people.

How many sessions have you had a time her home? I would say keep trying, but it may ultimately not be for you. If this is a new transition for her as well, there might be a bit of a learning curve going on. If she opened the door in her bathrobe once I’d let it go. If it happens every session she needs some serious time management skills.

[growlycat]

My t has been wearing slippers at work for the past few weeks due to a foot problem. A bathrobe is another level.

My t is very loose and yes it has tradeoffs. I like what I get from those trade offs so I am ok with it all. But everyone needs to set the limits they are comfortable with , with a t or anyone really

[Salmon77]

That strikes me as really rude and unprofessional. I would not be okay with it at all.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by granite1

it just struck me as strange . i have lived with one of my counters in the past and other situations so it didnt make me run for the hills but did concern me

Naturally, you have your reactions and I have mine. When I comment, I share mine just like everyone else shares theirs.

[Mopey]

This behavior would bother me in the extreme....

[ArtleyWilkins]

While it might have been a bit of shock, I'm not sure what alternative she had under the circumstance. She had lost track of time (and shouldn't have, but she had). If she had not answered the door, that would have been an entirely other issue for you (personally, that would have been even more upsetting for me to go to an appointment and my therapist not even open the door).

I hope you can just be open with her about your insecurities about the change in atmosphere and tone between you. She's always been receptive to you, and while she may think this is helpful, hearing from you that it is causing you some anxiety is important so she can reconsider how she's is managing working with you.

At least they were wearing something I guess ha.

Seriously though, would she turn up at work in a robe and greet a client? I'm thinking no.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by Client xx

At least they were wearing something I guess ha.

I'd be less upset if they were not wearing anything cause then I wouldn't be doubting my judgment at all.

[unaluna]

Well, granite, youre not a kid anymore, so its not like you need to protect yourself from your t at this point. You say yourself its about trusting her. You say you dont want to, because what if something happens. I think you put your heart in your art.

Do you read jessica11's posts? She sees an aged t at her home too.

Eta - plus, i am never ready when people come over! So i must admit, i totally sympathize with the t.

[elisewin]

I would not take it so seriously if it was one time incident. I would actually find it a bit funny. I have sometimes lost the track of time myself - also at work - so I understand how it is possible.

I'd find that discouraging. But I'd be surprised if she's gone from being completely on the ball to this is one swoop. Theyre must have been incidents of lackness in the office.
A person is who they are. Going from office to home shouldn't change that.

[rjdb]

Naked therapy...

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Naturally, you have your reactions and I have mine. When I comment, I share mine just like everyone else shares theirs.

i did not mind your responses at all. just wanted to let you know that

[granite1]

morning everyone .thanks for all the reply's. it is a bit of a transition for both of us .it happened very suddenly. i have been talking to her about the things i have been having a hard time with .things like feeling like if i talk about horrible things i am contaminating her home and things like that . i agree that she might not have had much choice about answering the door at that point . i would have left if she had not .but i would have sat in my car and texted her first and waited for about a minute or so . i used this as an example of how things are getting very lax. the week before she had her hair in curlers and was doing laundry (i could hear the machine running) no big deal it is my issue .i dont know yet if these issues really bother me yet or not . i dont think they do but then i dont know if it keeps going if it will .again it is strange getting to know the little things about her .i have always had very strong walls about that .over the years i knew very little about her personal life. now i know she has a daughter , that kind of helps because i can see she somewhat understands how it is to be a mom . she has a cat ,im a big cat person . things like that . but again im also so terrified of getting close to her

[granite1]

in the end i think there are some things that bother me about this new laxness .but what is scaring me the most is i think i might like it . her availability to me . i also can fantasize about sitting on her couch shoes off wrapped in a soft blanket talking to her (she does this ) i have spent years not allowing myself to feel this comfortable with her,in fact actively fighting against it .it was not hard when seeing her in an office. she would never take her shoes off or anything . now seeing her just relax and be comfortable and so homey(is this a word ). it temps me but for me seems a recipe for disaster .

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by granite1

in the end i think there are some things that bother me about this new laxness .but what is scaring me the most is i think i might like it . her availability to me . i also can fantasize about sitting on her couch shoes off wrapped in a soft blanket talking to her (she does this ) i have spent years not allowing myself to feel this comfortable with her,in fact actively fighting against it .it was not hard when seeing her in an office. she would never take her shoes off or anything . now seeing her just relax and be comfortable and so homey(is this a word ). it temps me but for me seems a recipe for disaster .

I think the "recipe for disaster" comes from the past, and it sounds like that was true with the former T and the saunas etc. So I think your fears are understandable but you were younger then and it was a different T and it might help if you could try to take this as a new situation.

I think your T might be deliberately cultivating these "homey" images of herself as a way to communicate to you that her vulnerability of being in her bathrobe and doing therapy with you in her home means the opposite of you "contaminating" her. I think she is welcoming you into the softness of the space closer to her and that is just fine with her, that she doesn't think you are the horrible person that you feel you are. I wish you could accept the truth of who you are, which is not a terrible person. I'm sure you have your flaws and all, but there is nothing bad at the center of your humanness.

What if you imagined folding yourself into the softness of this space with your T, and welcomed it as part of your therapy? To me the issue is do you think you can make progress? I tend to think so, from the perspective of an outsider.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I strikes me when I read what you are writing right now about your therapist that you sound calmer and actually more peaceful about your therapy/therapist than I've heard you before. Maybe it is a misread on my part, but I sense a change in your writing "voice" and your statements feel more grounded and rational actually.

I see that as a positive, but I can also see how, if you are feeling that way internally, it is a change for you and change can be discombobulating. I just wanted to mention what I've "hearing" in the way you are posting about this. It feels like growth from an outside reader's perspective.

I have not followed your earlier posts and don't know anything about your history, so cannot comment on whether the T is trying to communicate something useful with all this. But even if she did, I personally would not want that sort of communication from a professional. I would not mind knowing basic things about a Ts children or other family members, people talk about their children all the time, even strangers. I would have no tolerance for the bathrobe, hair curlers, running errands when we have a meeting etc, at all. It would not be about seeing personal things about the T per se but because I consider that completely unprofessional. I don't think someone working in a home office should do it any differently from working in a rented office, clinic etc. I don't even receive my friends, or anyone other than an intimate partner or close family, half dressed in my home and it is very weird that someone can loose track of the time that much - I would not believe that, I think it is more sloppiness or, as discussed on this thread, inappropriate boundaries. My last T once mentioned that in the office of one of his own Ts, they took shoes off and left them outside the therapy room. I even found that odd and did not get the point of it (it wasn't about keeping the office clean). So, for me, this behavior is way way beyond what I would consider acceptable from a T.

It would not bother me, but I have seen my therapist at her home, and we have been to the beach in our swimsuits, and gone places together such as lunch and breakfast and to the market, so i have already seen her in a lot of environments so I have seen the real her her already a bit. Seeing her as human has helped me a lot. My husband is a therapist so I am already aware that T’s are just plain old people anyway.