Has the therapist ever told you how rare, unique, special or brave etc. you are?

Yes my t told me almost every session that i was smart, but im pretty sure it was to counteract the message i got from my family that i was dumb, which left me truly not understanding my position in the bell curve, which was unfortunate.

He tells me often that he thinks I’m one of the strongest people he’s ever met because I like to just push my way through difficult things. He’s also told me that he was surprised by how smart I am. That might sound bad, but he meant it in a good way—he was surprised to learn about my scholarships and test scores because I don’t give off that “smart” vibe I guess? I’m pretty sure most people would look at me and just assume I’m all about shopping and doing my makeup....which I totally am also

She thanks me for being me. It might be psychobabble, it feels good.

My T uses the brave thing a lot.

Both women tried the technique on me in various ways and times. it seems quite common that those people do it at clients.

I said this earlier but to expound...validation is important. If I feel brave or confident or that I handled something well or my self esteem gets better its only natural for my therapist to reflect that back to me as a form of validation. So maybe being told I am brave or smart would be in order. But to be complimented by my therapist as a well to soothe me or as a way to prop me up might not be what I need. I am not saying people who have been complimented by their therapists need to be propped up or soothed or that they do not deserve compliments. Just that for me, I feel differently.

I also think it is a technique but one that can provide positive and helpful feedback to many people. I am not averse to compliments at all, from a T or anyone, but really prefer if they are in context, meaningful, and tailored to the individual at least some. This is why I don't find comments like special or unique useful, it is pretty much stating the obvious (although if someone was not recognized for their unique features and role in relationships much, I imagine it is nice to hear). I think brave or smart are better, but I still like more specific feedback and validation better, e.g. about something I do or did constructively and with results that can be recognized by others as well. When I give positive reinforcement to people (which I like to do), that's how I prefer to frame it, instead of easy generic comments that can be like astrology and fit anyone.

My T has never told me anything like that. If she did I would disbelieve her outright and think less of her for it.

T has said on occasion that I am brave. I have decided that he’s right. It doesn’t feel like he’s shining me on or being disingenuous, and he isn’t saying I’m special or rare. Just brave for facing things that terrify me.

I think that when to speaking to clients who have suffered major trauma, it is not disingenuous when a therapist says that one is braver than others or more resilient that the average person.

I was told I was extremely intelligent by 2 of my therapists. Bright by a few. Insightful by 3. Ive been called brave by others. Interesting by several. Likable by several. Kind. Creative by a few (though not recently as Ive become a bit afraid of my own “creativity” crossing the lines into delusion- so Ive shut that down for the most part publically- now my creativity is only FOR ME in my private hobbies)

But Ive also been called stubborn, opinionated, irritable, (which I dont really agree with- its because I have issues with my affect and people read that mistakenly as anger/me disliking them- which isnt true, I rarely actively dislike anyone) willful, “troubled (I really hate this one and how dismissive it is) and socially avoidant (which is very very true).

I generally prefer a balance between criticism and compliment. And actually- I tend to take criticism better than compliments (though I have gotten better at compliments because I think my last therapist really helped my self esteem).

I try to be pretty open about my faults but less open about my strengths in real life. Im working on that right now but am very afraid of turning arrogant and narcissistic. I dont like people who put others down in order to feel superior and arrogance can cause that.

I do think some of the therapists were just trying to make me comfortable- but my current therapist seems... hah... not that type. She challenges me fairly extremely and I push back at times pretty strongly. So. I do think she genuinely thinks the things shes complimented me about- because as I said- shes as willing to tell me my faults as she is my strengths. And that makes me feel that her motivations are fairly pure and honest