What is the most “unorthodox” thing your T has done?

I saw this question on Quora and thought it would be interesting to post it here. Take “unorthodox” to mean whatever you want it to.

My T once came and sat next to me to explain something. This was “unorthodox” because he usually maintains his distance religiously. He usually doesn’t even hand a piece of paper directly to me, but places it on the table between us and slide it towards me.

He also once made a very funny but very inappropriate joke.

drove me somewhere twice.. once to a lawsuit mediation and once to an ice cream shop

came to my home to check on me

tucked me in

gave me money for meds

My T is pretty darn orthodox. But sometimes the way she is still nice to me and still on my side even after I've blown up at her feels pretty alien.

Not comfortable sharing that here but this is interesting. Cool thread idea

Makes me feel better about some stuff mine did. I still won't share though as in the past he's been judged for being "unethical"

You have a very good t

thank you. yes he is good for me

sometimes unorthodox things are okay, in my opinion. context is everything

I was telling the receptionist at his former practice about a homeless man startling me in the parking lot by knocking on the window of my driver's side door as I was trying to park. I'm not afraid of homeless people, but this seemed aggressive and violating of my personal space. My T came into the waiting room to fetch me and caught the tail end of the conversation. He offered to walk me to my car afterwards and I accepted.

I think what was helpful to me about this interaction is that I saw my T's sort of unfiltered reaction, and his fierce protectiveness that I don't think was necessarily about me. Although we had most of the conversation back in his office, I thought his concern was overblown and he said he would walk me out, and do it everyday until the end of time (okay, I'm exaggerating here). But after that time, he didn't offer and I didn't ask. I didn't want it although it felt like a normal interaction in the 3 minutes out to the car.

I think before the next session, he'd gotten a grip on his instinct and dialed it back. But I was in a transition at the time where I could notice a difference in myself between a reaction and a response, and seeing it in him was really instructive. I didn't find it a bad thing that he wanted to protect me, but it seemed clear to me that this was about him needing to protect me. It was also useful to think about in the context of having adults in my life when I was a kid who didn't protect me.

So the experience was helpful to me in every way but the actual thing itself-- the walking me to my car.

I feel similarly. Sometimes the way people criticize the actions of T's reminds me of how people criticize parenting behaviors or strategies that "spoil" children. If you ever want to experience the unfettered judgment of total strangers, nurse your baby in public. Or pump your milk in a bathroom out of necessity. People have the most arbitrary beliefs about how to feed other people's children, like that children shouldn't nurse after 6 months.

This is not a thread about criticizing the criticism of T strategies, but in my field where people live in the chaos of poverty and often need greater assistance than legal paperwork and court arguments, public interest lawyers often feel free (and ethics don't prohibit social relationships) to assist their clients in many unorthodox ways. Old school legal aid offices in the 1960's and 1970's (before my time, but I have heard the stories) had social workers and others who could help with housing and clothing and meals etc, and public defenders paid bail for clients and let them crash on their couches.

Sometimes "unethical" judgments or people who complain about the "bad boundaries" of other people use it as an excuse to just not get involved with people who need help. I suspect it's that clients often need "unorthodox" help rather than T's engage in unorthodox behavior. I celebrate the willingness of any service provider to be willing to help in ways that are needed (as opposed to ways that dispense "charity" or otherwise glorify the help provider). I think you know the difference when you're on the receiving end.

Maybe just the fact that he accepts presents from me. Nothing super crazy, but I do get him something for his birthday and Christmas. It's usually the same 3 things :a children's book, a gift card and chocolate.

She drums for me sometimes and we have done energy work in the past.

There are too many to mention here, but if interested,pm me.

1st therapist: My father had confronted my abuser, and my abuser suddenly decided he was coming to see me. I was given a warning by a family member, and my therapist was concerned about my safety should he find me alone. He took me to his house (his family was there) for safety while he arranged for police supervision of our meeting so the meeting was on our terms, not the abusers.

2nd therapist: I'm sure some here would consider the fact that he asked me to help him co-lead an educational group at our church some sort of unorthodoxy. It wasn't. I knew him as my pastor first and therapist second, so it was completely normal for my particular situation.

3rd therapist:I know many disagree with the fact that he was my therapist and my husband's therapist, as well as working eventually with us somewhat as a couple. Eventually he even worked a bit (short-term) with our sons and us as a whole family group. He was specialized in marriage and family therapy, and we asked him to work with us that way. It was by design. As much as people object to this somehow being completely unorthodox, it was through this arrangement that every member of this family became healthier, and our marriage and family is healthier. None of us has had to remain in therapy any longer; we all made significant progress and it is very much due to his willingness and ability to work with us this way.

Hmmm...my T stays pretty much within the bounds, but she did come visit me when I went IP (twice), and hopefully will visit me again this time around.

Suggest we go to the mall together as “experiential” therapy. (I’m trying to get myself to go for a makeover.)

Ex T offered to go to a series of doctor appointments with me when I was in therapy. These were to a primary care physician for nothing that had to do with therapy. I found it unorthodox in a way because I don’t think I was giving her any indication that I wanted support at these appointments and I also don’t think they were appointments that really required additional support. Also, she was willing to cancel all her other clients that afternoon to go with me and I just couldn’t deal with that for whatever reason at the time.

yes I worry people will think he is unethical but he's not!!! and during these scenarios I was in a long term progressive treatment facility.. so it wasn't really too out of bounds then

t doesn't do much of that stuff anymore! because I've grown up

Anne

Thanks for that post. Lots of truth in there. People are very quick to judge. Sure my t was more like a friend but the stuff we did was helpful in making me more comfortable with him and trusting

I'm not in a bad place because he did that stuff, I'm in a bad place because he's gone. I miss all of it.

I don't really see the sorts of things listed as being unorthodox. The woman offered to come to the hospital the night my person died. I turned the offer down as I have no idea what the point of it would have been and would have meant I had one more person to deal with, but in the context of the other examples here - I suppose it was unorthodox

I agree. There are people, however, who are prone to believing (and verbalizing) that some of these things are absolutely wrong, are unethical, etc., etc. Professional judgment and client awareness is very individual. Life and therapy are just not as black and white as some people try to make them out (or perhaps wish) them to be.

Hmmm. Mine seems kind of boring of all a sudden haha.

I guess unorthodox - he sees me as a therapist and a prof when he has refused every other single students request to see him for therapy. So I’m basically the exception to the rule.

Yesterday in session we were talking about me going on a date (when hell freezes over) and he said he’d text me 45 minutes in in case I needed an “out”

Also he recently did some psychological testing with me. He knew I’d be upset with the results and he admitted he was very tempted to change them.

I guess I just view the therapist I had as unorthodox because it was out of character from her normal behavior to want to accompany me to a series of dr appointments and the fact that she wanted to cancel all her other clients to go. The appointments were not for life threatening illness. But I have no opinion on the things other people’s therapist do here- or if I do I keep them to myself because they didn’t ask an opinion on if I think their T is acting unorthodox.

I liked the way Anne put it.

A therapist is a job that has to do with helping people. Textbooks might give a larger frame how to do it in that profession, but the personal touch can be a lot of different things. One thing I don't understand in this board is the willingness to scream "unethical" to other people's therapists when they do something that is "unorthodox" to their own strick standard and image how a therapist should operate. But there are so many ways to Rome.

My T is never "unethical", but often "unorthodox". Thank God.

I can't really think of too many unorthodox things my former T did. She took along a toy soldier on her vacations because I wanted to keep her safe. (I brought her the toy soldier.) She let me email as much as I wanted/needed. My current T hasn't really done anything unorthodox yet. My first T when I was really young gave me presents. Probably because I was really young. Kit

My new T just seems totally unorthodox and totally by the book all at the same time. I know this week he was willing to step pretty far out of his comfort zone to meet me where I needed him and it worked out wonderfully. I haven’t worked with anyone else who was willing to step outside of their norm/comfort zone to meet me where I was at.
There is a park just behind T’s office. I am really hoping that come nice weather he may be willing to go outside with me

Mine does many things. She has gone to work with me a couple times,been to my house several times, we go out to eat quite often, I went to visit her and we went to the beach, we go to the store, we give each other lots of Christmas presents. quite a few other things.