[piggy momma]

I have an appt with my new T on May 21. Current T leaves May 18 and he wants me to see new T right away so I’m not waiting until I’m in crisis to talk to him.

I’m so scared I’m going to like him. I’m scared he’ll be easy to talk to and let’s me talk about things I can’t talk about right now. I don’t want it to work with him.

[SlumberKitty]

I'm glad you have an appointment with a T after your current T leaves. I know you're scared but I think it will be good for you to not have 4 months without therapy. HUGS Kit

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I’m so scared I’m going to like him. I’m scared he’ll be easy to talk to and let’s me talk about things I can’t talk about right now. I don’t want it to work with him.

I'm glad you are able to see someone else. What's up with the attitude, though, it seems to me like a good thing to be able to talk about things you need to, to be able to work with someone else successfully rather than wasting your time and money. Are you afraid of feeling better, making progress, having to confront your real issues rather than your current T's problems?

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I'm glad you are able to see someone else. What's up with the attitude, though, it seems to me like a good thing to be able to talk about things you need to, to be able to work with someone else successfully rather than wasting your time and money. Are you afraid of feeling better, making progress, having to confront your real issues rather than your current T's problems?

Ten years ago I was working with current T when he went away for the summer. He referred me to someone else to work with while he was away. I LOVED her. I stayed with her for five or six years, then went thru a couple other Ts and then ended back where I am now. I don’t want to leave him again. I felt bad the first time and I can’t do it again. I don’t want to deal with the struggle. I could also never, ever afford this guy on a regular basis. I’ll be ok for the summer cause I only have to go every second week but I truly need therapy at least once preferably twice a week.

[guilloche]

*hugs* - good luck Piggy Momma... I hope you like him enough to feel comfortable, but not so much that it makes you uncomfortable or makes things difficult with your other T!

[piggy momma]

I decided to meet with the new guy this week even tho current T doesn’t leave for six weeks. I don’t want to wait til he’s gone, meet with new guy, find out new guy isn’t a good fit or won’t see me under these weird circumstances, and have to start my search all over when I’m stressed out of my mind. I’ll tell current T tomorrow after class and make sure he’s been ok with it.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

I decided to meet with the new guy this week even tho current T doesn’t leave for six weeks. I don’t want to wait til he’s gone, meet with new guy, find out new guy isn’t a good fit or won’t see me under these weird circumstances, and have to start my search all over when I’m stressed out of my mind. I’ll tell current T tomorrow after class and make sure he’s been ok with it.

Hope it goes well and if he isn't a good fit, you got some time to keep searching

[LonesomeTonight]

That seems like a good plan, to try meeting with him now in case you don't like him.

[NP_Complete]

I feel like you're having to get permission from your current t to do this. You said earlier you "only have to go every second week". Is current t dictating how often you can/have to see this other t? And you feel the need to ask if it's okay if you see the new guy before he leaves. You don't need his permission to take care of yourself. He's the one going away for three months. You can see new guy as early as and as often as you feel you need to (I know you said money is an issue). I just worry that there's some power dynamic going on with your current t that is harming you.

[susannahsays]

No, her current therapist is the one insisting she see someone.

[piggy momma]

Susannahsays is correct. Current T is adamant that I see someone at bare minimum every two weeks while he is away. And yes, there is a power thing going on. I have to check with him on pretty much everything. Last session we talked about how many classes I can take next year. I have to ask to go on vacation. He said I can’t go to Mexico this month but I’m going anyway (he knows). I’m supposed to check before I make any large purchases (I might have bought my pig a new $600 house this weekend without checking with him). I hate feeling like I can’t make my own decisions. I’ve told him this. He says I can but truly I can’t. In his defence I gave him permission to be this involved because I’m really really bad at managing my money and I suck at making decisions. But sometimes it’s frustrating.

[susannahsays]

Jillian got a new house!

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Jillian got a new house!

I LOVE that you remembered her name 😘😍

[NP_Complete]

I understood that he wants you to see someone else while he's away. My point is, he's gone for three months, he doesn't get to dictate what you do. I think it's a good idea to see new guy at least every other week, ideally more often, but I just don't think your MIA therapist should be able to tell you what to do. He tells you that you can't come twice a week, but then he tells you how often you must see the replacement t and when you can start seeing him? This bothers me. But he's your t. I hope this power dynamic feels okay to you and is helping you.

[piggy momma]

We don’t have a perfect relationship, but I have to trust that he has my best interests at heart.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

Ten years ago I was working with current T when he went away for the summer. He referred me to someone else to work with while he was away. I LOVED her. I stayed with her for five or six years, then went thru a couple other Ts and then ended back where I am now. I don’t want to leave him again. I felt bad the first time and I can’t do it again. I don’t want to deal with the struggle. I could also never, ever afford this guy on a regular basis. I’ll be ok for the summer cause I only have to go every second week but I truly need therapy at least once preferably twice a week.

I guess I don't see the issue as you leaving your current therapist temporarily or not. I was encouraging you to embrace therapy with a new person as a chance to make progress on your stuff, until you return to therapy with this guy you don't want to leave. Although part of therapy is who the therapist is and how often you go, these are often important backdrops, you and what you need to work on is the therapy. I feel like you assign a great deal of power to who your therapist is, like he is the locus for change and progress, when I think it's you.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by piggy momma

And yes, there is a power thing going on. I have to check with him on pretty much everything. Last session we talked about how many classes I can take next year. I have to ask to go on vacation. He said I can’t go to Mexico this month but I’m going anyway (he knows). I’m supposed to check before I make any large purchases (I might have bought my pig a new $600 house this weekend without checking with him). I hate feeling like I can’t make my own decisions. I’ve told him this. He says I can but truly I can’t. In his defence I gave him permission to be this involved because I’m really really bad at managing my money and I suck at making decisions. But sometimes it’s frustrating.

This isn't something that would work for me and I'm not trying to be judgmental, but does it really work for you? If you're in such a financial hole that you can't go to regular therapy but you spend money on vacation and stuff that seems unnecessary, all while being frustrated that you are in a power-down position, is this really what is best for you? Seems like you have none of the benefits of curbing your spending that T's "authority" provides, yet all of the detriments of perceiving you are under someone else's thumb. You say you can't make your own decisions, yet you do, and it just seems like it's a kind of pretending that things are one way when they are really another, and that doesn't seem like it's a healthy way to live. If it's working for you, great, but I guess I don't see how it does, except it seems to keep you from making change that is more in line with how you are and want to live your life.

[guilloche]

*hugs* I'm really glad to hear you're going to meet up with the new T sooner. I think doing it sooner can help alleviate some of the stress (I'd be stressed to have that meeting on the horizon, and would rather get it over with sooner!) and like you said, it gives you more time just in case the new T isn't a good-enough match for you.

Good luck, I hope the meeting goes well (but again, not too well! ) - just well enough that you can get the support you need!

[ElectricManatee]

Your T is like a gigantic red flag, waving a bunch of smaller red flags that are actually pinwheels made of tiny red flags.

[Taylor27]

I am so glad you have another t lined up.

[Salmon77]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

Your T is like a gigantic red flag, waving a bunch of smaller red flags that are actually pinwheels made of tiny red flags.

so funny!

But seriously, piggymomma, I'm glad to hear that you've found someone to work with over the summer. I, too, am curious why you're so worried that you'll like the new person. Do you feel like it's being disloyal in some way? Or are you worried that if the new T works better for you, it's a threat to your attachment to your current T?

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

This isn't something that would work for me and I'm not trying to be judgmental, but does it really work for you? If you're in such a financial hole that you can't go to regular therapy but you spend money on vacation and stuff that seems unnecessary, all while being frustrated that you are in a power-down position, is this really what is best for you? Seems like you have none of the benefits of curbing your spending that T's "authority" provides, yet all of the detriments of perceiving you are under someone else's thumb. You say you can't make your own decisions, yet you do, and it just seems like it's a kind of pretending that things are one way when they are really another, and that doesn't seem like it's a healthy way to live. If it's working for you, great, but I guess I don't see how it does, except it seems to keep you from making change that is more in line with how you are and want to live your life.

He did give me permission to spend $300 on a trip. He just didn't think I could pull off four days and three nights at an all inclusive including airfare for under $300. But I did. So I'm going. I'm still working within the parameters he set for me.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Permission? This is so odd.

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Permission? This is so odd.

OP appears to enjoy the input/interference from her therapist. In that sense, it is not odd at all. It probably feels like evidence that he cares about her, despite it being more about collusion with waifdom than being about care in any empowering sense.

[piggy momma]

Originally Posted by comrademoomoo

OP appears to enjoy the input/interference from her therapist. In that sense, it is not odd at all. It probably feels like evidence that he cares about her, despite it being more about collusion with waifdom than being about care in any empowering sense.

I do value his input. I have a history of making very poor decisions so if he can guide me in such a way that I can learn better decision making skills, I will take it.