Therapist's response to attachment

Hello, I've been a lurker here in the past, just coming out of the shadows for opinions..

How did your therapist respond when you told them you were getting attached? Especially if you aren't really showing signs?

I'm not the kind of person who attaches to people in general. In therapy I haven't ever expressed anything close to attachment to my T. I've never contacted her out of session, had any issues with vacations, I didn't see her for 2 months last summer and it was no big deal. We are personable & friendly, I can joke around with her and I trust her as a professional with my dark stuff, but up until recently I didn't really care if she moved, quit her job, transferred me? Whatever. I wouldn't have cared and I'm pretty sure she knew that because she talks about my detachment to other things all the time

Anyway, recently I've noticed a shift. I've started thinking about her outside of session. Before this, I had thoughts about what was coming up next, or thoughts about what she said, but not really about her. I never felt like I missed her between sessions. I never felt anything toward her. To be honest I didn't even recognize her face for the first few months - she would come into the waiting room and look right at me and I'd always pause and panic for a minute because I wasn't sure if she was my therapist or just looking at me.

But now I do so . I don't know what this means. I'm pretty sure what triggered it was her going out of her way to get me an appointment a few weeks ago. I didn't express any need for it, I had just asked if she had other openings that week because I had a family thing, but she cared enough to think if I was asking then I probably wanted/needed it. And now I'm all attached and stuff I don't know if it's good or bad to be attached. It wasn't a goal of mine. Most likely I should tell her though?

Just curious how other T's respond to this? Especially if it's kind of sudden and wasn't the goal for therapy (or my goal anyway). I want to know ahead of time what I'm walking into.

Hey
It's good to see someone who is like me, I don't attach to people really. I did with my long term therapist but It was hugely because our relationship more or less turned into a friendship. Anyway... when I started to "feel" it... I hid it from him, I just said that I liked that we had a bond... and he replied using the term "Strong attachment" and I felt so stupid.
After that, he had told me a few times that I was his most strongly attached. He was fine with it.

With the current one, 0 attachment and it's fantastic. He checks in with me each session to see how I'm doing it with because I told him I am quitting if it happens. I wont go through it again.

That being said.... first, you sound like it's very much a secure attachment and that's great! The best kind. Therapists are used to this happening so it's ok to bring it up. Typically the only time it might freak some of them out is if it's sexual related.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to have this as a goal in therapy. It is literal hell. Just do your best to keep things from escalating. Try not to make the relationship a huge part of your therapy. It gets to be very distracting from your other needs. I hope it goes well.

my t recognized it right off the bat. he normalizes it for me. it's painful sometimes though....

Escalating how? Just sexually or in other ways? I'm 99.99% sure it's not ever going to get sexual, but are there other ways it may escalate? I don't want it to be a distraction at all!

It's not painful for me right now, but I don't want it to get that way. Not sure where the line between "this feels warm fuzzy good" and everything else is

No, that's not what I meant at all. I mean in intensity. Sometimes, it can become overwhelming and you feel like it's just too much, it can become the focus of your therapy, rather than your other needs or issues.

So doing things like keeping your no emails outside session etc will help that. That's all I meant, sorry to confuse you

Oh gotcha. Yeah, the email thing never occurred to me until today actually - when I realized it's normal in clinical/healthcare settings to not have direct contact info for your T. I have access to a messaging system, I guess if there's an emergency but I wouldn't use it.

The first one wanted attachment with me a whole lot more than I did with her. The second never mentioned it to me. Both claimed to be psychodynamic, so I imagine it was possibly the second woman was a more patient sort who, misguidedly, thought time would work to cause it. Neither explained the point of doing such a thing with a therapist and I never saw the point of doing it with a stranger.

I have had a couple that tried to force attachment and it ended badly. Current T seems to prefer a bond as it allows me to get more from the process but I also trust him to keep it safe, not manipulate it and say something if it gets too intense. But I trust him SO much. So far he has earned every bit of it.

I had a similar experience but telling him didn’t really strike a reaction. We just analyzed and talked about it. A good therapist can handle their feelings and not make it about all about them

I agree with this. I typically am on the dismissive side, and have had many long term relationships without preoccupation. With my T, it has gotten to the point he is in my mind most of the time, and he is the # 1 safety figure/ most important figure in my life. It is messed up, in a way. I do think part of it is that we are the exact same age, and he is an objectively handsome and bright guy. On the other hand , so is my SO, and I have lost my focus on my real life relationship bc of therapy obsession.

I am curious what attachment to a therapist looks like to people. With mine I don't want to email them outside of session and happily go a week or two without seeing them. Having said this i do think about them a lot and have fantasies about being in there life, which I just put down to wanting someone to care about me and they are probably a key person who has shown me consistency in the way they approach me.
we misattune a little bit where we don't get where the other is coming from and I think we have different humour none of which helps, but I know that previous therapists who have come on too strong i have run a mile.
I also find myself fearful of when I finally leave. I don't like the idea of buying her a present and preferably would ghost the situation because I don't know how to approach it.
Its this that confirms to me I am the dismissive avoidant type.

I didn’t really attach to any of the Ts I saw before my current one. I liked the routine but it mostly didn’t bother me if they were on vacation and I didn’t really think about them during the week.

I’ve been with my current T for I think 3.5 years. I didn’t really get too attached until maybe the last year. I made myself talk about it with her because I find it terrifying. She says it’s good and normal and means we can do deeper work... which may be true because I guess I also trust her more and have been able to talk about scary things I would never have told my previous Ts.

At this point she says she’d be concerned if I didn’t feel a deeper connection/attachment. She’s an important part of my life.

It still scares me.

I am not even sure I could admit to my T i have started to feel more attached to them. That is how much it scares me. I need to obtain a constant air of indifference about a person otherwise I feel too exposed. I have been seeing them for 4 years now... I don't think they have a clue how much I imagine being apart of their life in some way....