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#1
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All I want is contact with him.....anything.....any response. I have done everything he has said for me to do when I feel like this. Garden...which I spend from 9am to 1pm getting dirt and plants and planting and now my back hurts. Cook....he says to cook as I like to cook. I even watched a stupid movie on Amazon prime. Did the laundry. My husband is away all week and on Monday I take him to have cancer tumors removed from his bladder and we find out what stage the cancer is at. I am full of worry and anxiety.
I do not want comfort from anyone else. I want it from him as I see him a surrogate parent and I feel home sick. I have already tried 7 cups of tea, I went on to the crisis prevention website but felt I did not belong there. Now I just want to take something to numb me but I do not have anything and I do not want to drink.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() CartDown, guilloche, LonesomeTonight, Mopey, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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#2
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I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this worry and stress. Can you email him and ask for connection? You're going through so much right now, it's totally understandable why you would want to reach out to him.
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#3
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I am suppose to make connections outside of therapy. Find support outside of therapy. Join a group, take up a class like baking, cooking and be with other adults. Work does not count as being with other adults so he says. Find something physical like boxing or take a self defense class. I already workout 6 days a week. My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer and he has to have tumors removed on Monday and will be home for a week with a catheter and that is the best case scenario worst case they have to remove is bladder. FML
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() Anastasia~, CartDown, NP_Complete, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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#4
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Hugs, I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband. I hope it's the best-case scenario. I can definitely understand wanting your T's support right now. Are you sure he wouldn't be willing to reply to you, considering what's going on and if you tell him all the other things you tried first?
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#5
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__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#6
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I think, given everything you're going through and everything you've already tried, it certainly wouldn't be unhealthy to email him. We do lots of things that help and yet we accept what we can get. You don't need to worry about wanting more.Good luck with everything.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, MoxieDoxie
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#7
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I personally wouldn’t view this as negative reward, because I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to hear from him. Desiring human connection and comfort is natural and healthy, and I also think it makes complete sense to want this from the person who knows most of your struggles and cares about you. I don’t think this want is anything to be ashamed of. |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#8
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I am so sorry for all you are going through.
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#9
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I agree with this. |
![]() SummerTime12
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#10
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Hug's so sorry to hear about your husband. It's very healthy to reach out to your t right now. I hope you do email your t .
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#11
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Could you just make another appointment rather than dealing with email and all the hoopla around it?
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
#12
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I agree. It sounds like you are needing an additional session because you aren't do well right now. Why not just go ahead and see if you can get an extra appointment?
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#13
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He might not reply to your email or - seeing he is urging you to make outside connections, might not give you a satisfactory answer (i.e. by giving an answer that makes you feel uncared for).
I think you ought to consider your reaction(s) to any of these before emailing him. |
#14
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I see him this Friday anyway. I go twice a week already.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() Elio, SlumberKitty
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#15
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Quote:
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#16
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But none of those activities you listed are very social, involving interpersonal connection and support, except maybe the crisis service but that is also quite impersonal IMO. So I am not surprised they won't provide relief when what you crave is human connection. I usually reach out to a friend in situations like that, someone I know has a pattern of responding relatively quickly and supportively.
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![]() Salmon77
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#17
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Well that is the problem. I do not have any friends that know I have any mental health issues as I keep that crap to myself. Also I do not have any close friends. I joined a weird church here as I was invited by a girlfriend. They are doing a discussion groups, hosted at members homes, that I tried out last week which turned out to be a mens club with guys sitting around smoking cigars and drinking beer. Politically I was not aligned with them so I sat there and kept my mouth shut waiting for enough time to pass so I can say I have to leave now. Not going back to that. T says I have to try 50 THINGS before finding something that works for me.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, Taylor27, Xynesthesia2
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#18
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Sometimes it helps me just to get out and be around people, even if I don't have a big conversation or whatever. Sometimes just going to the coffee shop or the gym is helpful. You're not going to find a whole support system out of nowhere, you gotta take the baby steps first.
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![]() MoxieDoxie, Xynesthesia2
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#19
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![]() here today, LonesomeTonight
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#20
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I agree with this. Maybe see if the hospital has a support group for people whose family members have cancer? |
![]() here today, Taylor27, Xynesthesia2
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#21
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I also looked into caregivers support groups but none close enough to me. I will ask at the hospital on Monday.
__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() chihirochild, Elio, here today, LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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#22
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Unless he told you that you couldn’t, it seems to me that the healthy thing to do is to just to email your therapist as often as you need to.
There’s plenty of time later to cultivate interests and work through dependency issues. IMO the important therapy thing right now is to get you through this crisis in one piece. |
![]() Elio, LonesomeTonight, rainbow8
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#23
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Yes, I told my T recently how I often find his feedback useful, like giving me different perspectives on things (how someone might be reacting to what I say, etc.). But there are also times when I just need support (and not to be challenged), and I've been trying to tell him when it's those times. This sounds like one of those times for you, Moxie. You can work more on your coping skills when you're not trying to deal with your H's surgery. |
#24
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Suggestion: every hospital i've ever been in has social workers on staff. Call the oncology dept (or probably urology, wherever his doc is) and ask if you can make an appointment with the social worker, hopefully during the time when he's there in surgery and/or recovering. Another suggestion: hospice-- hopefully he never needs it and I realize you aren't a patient, but these folks knew the most about resources in the community for caregiver support and groups of all kinds. They are really hooked into knowing what's out there. |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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![]() LonesomeTonight, MoxieDoxie, rainbow8, SlumberKitty
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#25
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__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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