[JustExisting]

I am trying to figure out how to verbalize my thoughts on my experience when talking to my T about what it is like to talk about traumatic events, especially ones that carry the baggage of repressed feelings.

I feel like I am typically a pretty rational person and I think I read people well. But when dealing with deeply traumatic stories in therapy I lose myself.

I think that I start to interpret everything my T does in a negative way and I get terrible vibes from him while talking about certain things and it just doesn't seems to match my experience with him otherwise.

Typically, hours or days after the session, when I reflect on what happened I start to see how my mental state colored our interaction and I can see some of the ways that my perceptions were off.

I want to describe it like I enter an altered state of consciousness. Does anyone relate to that? Does that sound like a reasonable way to describe that experience?

[feileacan]

I do relate to what you describe. My T has told me that experiences me as even psychotic sometimes. It does not mean that I really do have psychosis because soon after I leave my session, things look in a different light again. But yes, it certainly feels like a completely different state of mind.

And what I've found characteristic to it is that it does not seem to contain any memory nor is it susceptible to learning. Although experiencing this state definitely gives information about me to reflect on after, experiencing it repeatedly does not seem to alter this state itself very much. It's like a state without any memory about that it has happened before or what I have been thinking about it meanwhile.

[Out There]

Yes , I can relate to this , it can feel difficult but does help with insight and processing. Pete Walker the trauma specialist talks about it.

[Misterpain]

Have you ever tried EMDR ?

[JustExisting]

Originally Posted by Misterpain

Have you ever tried EMDR ?

While my regular T was out of town for 2 months over last winter I hired a therapist on Betterhelp.com so that I could keep up the habit while he was gone.


She tried EMDR when I told her about a sexual trauma from my childhood and I really didn't like it. I was supposed to watch the event in my head like a movie play it forwards backward, upside down, and inject humorous things into the image, while moving my eyes around. It felt ridiculous.


I have developmental issues that stem from these events. Reprogramming my mind to interpret them as funny or just desensitizing me to the reality of them I don't feel is a helpful strategy.


I had a skewed sense of my life, and I feel better the more I learn about my truth. I want to see it for what it really was, learn how it shaped me, and use that knowledge as a new foundation for my life that I can grow from.

If it does something for others then that is great, but for me.. GAH I hated it!

Thsts how I describe my trauma.
I describe roman soldiers or some time ancient people marching through mud and something about the light coming from lighted lamps that they hold.
Its the only way I can talk in an altered state.