[TimeFaced]

Hi all, I'm new. I've been searching out other message boards looking for advice because now it's getting to me and I'm not confident yet to bring it up to my therapist in fear of them thinking I was trying to play games

I needed therapy, but I wasn't so eager to check things out until I learned about transference from a book I was reading. I actually have been obsessed with a certain person from my past for years and when I heard about transference in therapy I seriously wanted to experience it so I could feel all those strong feelings I had from my past.

I even searched out a therapist that reminded me of them. And guess what? I succeeded. I'm feeling it and it's both amazing and terrible at the same time. I'm in too deep. And when I expressed these feelings to them, I played dumb and acted like I had no idea what transference was all about.

This might not be a big deal, but now I feel like I'm living a lie or something. I'm thinking about explaining everything to my therapist next time we meet, but I fear I'll piss them off. I'm afraid they'll think I wasted their time and energy. I never lied about anything else, just the transference crap. Do you think it's worth mentioning? Or should I just go with the flow and focus on my other problems?

[MoxieDoxie]

To get over it you have to go through it. You create more problems whey you lie, either straight out or through omission.

Print out your post and hand it to the therapist.

The therapist will know what to do.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by TimeFaced

I even searched out a therapist that reminded me of them. And guess what? I succeeded. I'm feeling it and it's both amazing and terrible at the same time. I'm in too deep.

I was in the same place, and the "relationship" eventually became destructive.

For me the terrible part was developing strong feelings in the context of a dead-end, one-way, artificial relationship where the feelings would be objectified and commodified.

The amazing part was the euphoria from being in an addictive fantasy-based relationship.

Also consider the trap you are in. If you confess how you feel, you might be pathologized or humiliated. Maybe even terminated. If you don't confess, you are keeping a big secret.

I would urge caution re: drinking the transference kool-aid.

I play/ed dumb in my sessions a lot of the time especially around knowledge and level of research I do outside of the session. I mean this just slowed down the work we could do together and working from the same hym sheet helps a hell of a lot with the effectiveness of the session, but I think it was also a process I needed to go through in order to build up trust.

[Omers]

From the second session my T was getting strong transference from someone in my past. I told him up front who it was and the nature of my relationship with that other person. We have had open dialogue about it as needed since. T has been really cool about it. Recently I have been seeing more and more how they are different and how the relationships are totally different... but T is still actively meeting the unmet need of the other relationship. However, the need in the other relationship went unmet because I wasn’t ready not because of anything else. The other person was willing to give me what T is giving me I just didn’t know how to accept it.

[coolibrarian]

If your therapist is good, he/she will know that you have transference for them.
I used to read everything I could, BEFORE talking to my T. But I learned that it's better to talk to her first, and research, or not, later. But this took YEARS to accomplish.
Thank you for being brave and sharing with us here.

[TimeFaced]

I'll be seeing him in the next couple days and I'm extremely nervous. It's something I feel I have to get off my chest. I hope he in some way understands that I wanted to feel that feeling again.