Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

(runs and hides under the bed)

I would take out ‘86 (it’s specific and you want to focus on mood). Also “can almost”—that is you thinking, not feeling. It distances you and the reader from the experience.

I might replace “as if it were my first” with “my true first kiss.” Use comma, not semi-colon.

I think it’s closer to “you.”

Damn! again.

but at least it's closer.

Thanks.

"Scent of rain on pine trees calls me back
to that long-ago summer of us
I feel once more
the gentle yet insistent tug of your fingers
against my shirt
as you pull me closer...
my heart beating madly
my mind not really believing
and then
your kiss,
my true first kiss, and
softer than the moan
that escapes my throat"

better?

"I'll have what sd's vaping!"

Bread pudding's in the oven, mmm it's starting to smell good, can't wait to have some for dinner! Yum.

I got my re-writes done. When I just practiced reading the first one out loud (since I have to make a video, ugh) it made me all teary-eyed. I must be on the right track now. Thanks for the help y'all!

SD you are breaking my heart over here

I know mine too

You might be on the right track for more deeply expressing yourself, but it’s really your readers who will judge that. The worst, most open poem in the world can move its writer.

So the trick really is to balance the formal demands of poetry with communicating to the reader.

Probably why I never did a workshopping thing before... my fragile little ego of the past couldn't take it. I can take it now and learn from it.

Thanks though. I appreciate your knowledge.

Sorry about that.

I thought trying an example might be clearer than me trying to explain what I meant.

It was really helpful (and beautiful if I dare say so).

And here I thought you were just showing off your mastery of the second-person perspective.

Quite beautiful, in my humble opinion.

Good memory - I am looking for another job. I only work part-time so hopefully I can find something soon. After tonight's shift I'm on vacation for two weeks

Management does need to get someone in that can help me do my job safely. I sent another email to the GM. They really like me so hopefully they take it seriously. They need to either get a new night auditor or allow me a second security guard for my shifts - or both!

I hope you enjoy your vacation!

Dont mind me, im just settin over here watchin a stallone-schwarzenegger prison escape movie

It's done! It will sink still but I couldn't wait to take a pic haha it smells so good.

Sent T an update last night thanking him for session and said how I’m doing ok, plus a bit more than that. Kinda wished he’d sent a “glad to hear that” or something, but I imagine I’m expecting too much...

In my stupid googling of my exT I came across a very personal piece of writing of his it made me wonder if I should alert him to the fact that it is google-able with just his name and modality or should I leave it? It is personal about his use of rituals now I am too scared to google him I didn't really want to know anything that personal

Leave it - don't contact him is my advice

If I might make one more suggestion - rewrite and then wait and look at them again at least one more time before sending. I find reading out loud to be useful in terms of flow, rhythm, and word choice.

Second person is my favorite voice to use.
I was influenced by a lesbian novel - This is Not For You by Jane Rule early in my coming out novel reading phase. Then of course Bright Lights, Big City was also fun.

Yep. Definitely. They aren't due until tomorrow night 11:59pm. eta but I have to work OT tomorrow so wanted to get most of the work done today.