Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe this is something you could ask your T about? He may have had some sort of involvement with social services/CPS (like if they interviewed him about a past client, for example) or had another client who did. Or he could know someone to refer you to for info. Or is it possible he could talk to them?


I'm not clear on how SH could endanger your kids though.

Have you ever felt like you annoyed your therapist?

I have only had a few sessions but the last one didn’t go so well. I initially went for anxiety but he now knows I have some trauma and asks each session about that but I’ve not been able to talk about it at all. I tried to even mention something last time and got myself tied in knots so he said I can tell you don’t want to go there and we moved back onto anxiety stuff.

Well I think my lack of talking (although I was trying but was feeling down and depressed) was maybe frustrating him. At one point he asked me what I was thinking in relation to something and I said I wasn’t thinking anything so he said well you weren’t asleep... would that be a bit off to you or am I just overthinking what he said? I was as frustrated as him as it felt like a wasted session and I do get his frustration as he probably did more talking than me but I find it so so hard. He also seemed surprised when I said that I was still as anxious as the first appt...

I have a selection of diary entries I was thinking about sharing next appt (they’re from 2/3 months ago now) but I don’t know if he’ll agree to that. I keep wondering if it’s stupid to even share them as I’m not sure if he will find the information in them useful or wonder what the point is of me reading them if he thinks it’s a waste of time. Also if I read it then can’t elaborate on a few of the things I mentioned in the entires I worry he’ll be annoyed/frustrated. Ugh. Gosh therapy is fun..

The caseworker reached out to my T last week, and sent him questions to answer. He's going to talk to them after he talked to me first. I'm guessing by the end of the week he'll talk to them.

I had a dream last night that I saw my therapist at a basketball game. At halftime, he walked by me and I ignored him but he came over to talk to me and while we were awkwardly chatting, he suddenly kissed me. Ugh. I don't need this. I wonder if this dream was instigated because I emailed him yesterday saying I was feeling overwhelmed with loss that morning and also that I was worried he was sick of me and he sent me a really lovely response.

I dreamt that my D and I put phones on the side of the road and rang them when people walked past and got them to do things in the end we got close to exTs house and targeted people in certain houses

I'm surprised as heck that I haven't dreamed about L lately.

Why is it so difficult to go to a hospital when I have major depressive disorder and my meds. are no longer working. I waited for my Psychiatrist but she didn't call. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm stuck with OCDish behavior, no brain syndrome where I can't follow a plot line, no desire to do sui, but not wanting to be here. I don't remember what motivation feels like.

Just sent a friend request to my exT on fb just to see what happens as part of my campaign to bug him he has several fb profiles so I will systematically do all of them

I encountered Amazon’s Photo on Delivery for the first time today (delivery to my mom’s house). The Amazon help page told me to contact Customer Service to turn the feature off.

Contacting Amazon Customer Service to get something done? Yeah...

Its text. Its not bad. I think its a bot.

Eta - watching the movie Code 46. I love samantha morton soooooo much. And the music is great.

I hate our local youth mental health service. They closed my D case because I had used the 10 free sessions form last year but I gave them a new referral for this year that someone overlooked. My D is struggling now and I don't want to go through the whole thing again.

I remember my first encounter with a bot I didn't realise they existed and I could not work out why the person on the other end was so thick.

I have picked up my new glasses and my other frames were bigger and it's hard to adjust. The prescription is better to I no longer need to take off my old bifocals to read

I'm irritated at H tonight, and so glad he went driving for the night.

I’m getting mad at T. I don’t like this feeling. I’m not usually like this. Thankfully H has a short day tomorrow so maybe I can sew and get the feelings turned down a bit.

Oh! And I have a stove again.

i mostly just hand-sew, but boy i get started and i dont want to stop. Its soooo good.

Well, whatever Benji (or whatever his name is) is said was: "You will not receive photos on your device from now on."

Do they think I was born yesterday? That's not the same at all as not taking pictures of my mother's front door and storing them in some vast hackable database in the cloud.

Go at your own pace. If you've just started seeing him and are learning to trust him it might be too early to talk about your trauma. It can take months for some people others can talk about it others may start uicker but it's not a race.

I don't think it's stupid to share journal entries either and I have have done so too.

can you contact them saying the above?

I think you mentioned previously that D had gone away to study, hs she tried asking her school for help?

Not sure if they will change it, the photo thing is their proof of saying it was delivered without a signature.

But i used it to prove they did NOT deliver. Even tho all our doors are supposably identical, mine is dirty in a different way than the one that was pictured. And in ours, they dont show the street number, altho i guess they could read it off the package. But hey, the whole order is in some hackable database, why are you worried about the photo? not arguing, just not understanding.

I skipped gym today. Sat eating some chocolate for breakfast.

Dan brown is my secret guilty pleasure.I listen to audiobooks when I study. But I gave up on his last one Origin and just read the rest of the plot on wikipedia



Productive things done so far:

I emailed my summer placement doctor with dates of when I should hopefully be done and can start.

It's my mother's front door. And I like my mother, who is elderly and lives mostly on her own now, and I don't want her front door in any database.

(My front door, I wouldn't mind so much. I got a baseball bat and I know how to use it.)

Dare I ask how your door is dirty in a different way?

I get that its your moms. But once you send her something, shes i.e. her address in the system. Big brother is watching her. Eta - but i agree, its totally unnerving when you see the picture.

I know, right? My door looks like ive been in a flood. Where the pkg was delivered - there was a sandstorm! But same carpet and door paint